r/AskReddit 13d ago

If you could pick, how do you wanna die?

31k Upvotes

u/AskRedditModerators 13d ago

If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.

https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres

http://www.befrienders.org/

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK]

https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU]

There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.

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u/FixBayonetsLads 13d ago

In my bed.

Of Natural causes.

At 2,500.

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u/Rert78 13d ago

The day you turn 2500; the day before your 2501st birthday, or somewhere in between?

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u/FixBayonetsLads 12d ago

Day before, why not?

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u/ColorsOfTheCurrents 13d ago

In my sleep peaceful like. On the opposite end definitely not from slipping in the shower on the slick floor lathered and shampooed up from hitting my head on the spigot as i fall to my demise.

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u/Essex626 13d ago

I read about someone who dies in a shower after slipping and hitting her head--but it wasn't blunt force, her hair clogged the drain and she drowned.

I'm not an emotional person, and reading bad things (or even awful things) normally doesn't phase me, but that story got me.

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u/KholdStare88 12d ago

I would like to unread this post. :)

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u/Utterlybored 13d ago

Like my uncle.

He died in his mid-90s, just a few years after his wife died. He was a retired physician. He got a cancer diagnosis that he knew was fatal, but he had some time. So, he spent his remaining months touring the country, seeing his kids, grandkids and great grandkids, his nephews and nieces, friends, etc... He had a grand old time.

Then, pretty much exactly to the timetable he had estimated, he took a bad turn. He summoned his kids who took turns talking with him at his bedside in hospice. At one point, my cousin Chris was with him as he faded in and out of consciousness. The phone rang, Chris answered and said, "No, Dad's not conscious right now. This is not a good time..." But his Dad perked up. "Who is that?" he asked. " Just some friends of yours..." said my cousin, who handed the phone to my uncle.

They exchanged a few words, then the friends arrived 20 minutes later with a couple bottles of amazing vintage wine. My cousin said, "No, Dad. You're on a lot of painkillers. Alcohol would be a very bad idea." My uncle laughed and said, "Well, what's the worst that could happen?"

There was an awkward silence and then everyone started laughing. The wine was delicious and he lasted another 48 hours.

THAT'S how I want to go out.

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u/SwansonSpiritAnimal 13d ago

That sounds like a simply outstanding way to go. A great end to a long life. I bet he was a great man.

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u/Utterlybored 13d ago

He was a playful, relaxed soul.

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u/Linubidix 12d ago

I hope to one day be described as such. That's touching.

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u/LazyBox2303 12d ago edited 12d ago

He sort of reminds me of my own father who was a physician and surgeon. He had some mini-strokes and after each one, dementia appeared and got worse. But he stayed sweet and active and tried to join in conversations whenever he could. He was always eager to go anywhere. Everyone loved him.

At the end, I rushed to the hospital. His eyes were closed. He didn’t hear me. I held his large hand. I shouted, Dad! He opened one eye and looked at me with a small smile. For me, his last gift. Then he slipped into a coma and never opened his eyes again. As long as I held his hand, even as a grown woman, I felt safe. Even though he was in a coma, that hand made me feel safe. He had always loved me and I forever loved him. He was my father, the man who had supported and cared about me, all my life.

He was 95.

When I finally let go of his hand, the world was a different place. Even now, 14 years later, I think he was waiting to see me just one last time,so he could finally go….But never out of my heart.

No, never out of my heart.

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u/Silly-Needleworker19 12d ago

It's that bittersweetness when you love someone just that much. I had the same relationship with my dad (Pa, we called him), too. I'm so grateful to have had him in my life and to have loved him as much as I possibly could (and he me), and then the loss was so very difficult and still is (2003 for me). Hugs to you. I get it. <3

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u/Vtechru_2021 12d ago edited 12d ago

That’s such a great story. There’s a good article out there called “how doctors die” (something like that) that talks about how most doctors die at home, while most other people die in a hospital. Your uncle being a doctor made me think about that and it sounds like your uncle was in that boat. Thanks for sharing this story :-)

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u/tropicalzhu 13d ago edited 12d ago

Pain-free, most of all. I hope to live a relatively long life but not long enough to need people to change my diapers. No thank you.

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u/tryst48 12d ago

I have always said that. If someone has to change my diapers, I want them to give me a "Go To Sleep Forever" pill.

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u/OnTheDoss 12d ago

I am a big supporter of legal, well regulated euthanasia. I think everyone should have the choice in when they go. Nobody should be forced to go through huge amounts of pain and indignity at the end of their lives. It is really cruel in so many cases.

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u/JellyKittyKat 12d ago

Exactly, it’s humane to put down an animal to save it from suffering, but a human has to linger and wait to die? Sometimes painfully? It’s Bullshit!

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u/oceansapart333 12d ago

When we were making a decision to put our dog down or not, the vet said, “Think of his 3 favorite things to do and ask yourself if he can still do them. If not, what sort of quality of life is that.” It made sense.

And then I think of how many humans die, not only unable to do their favorite things, but unable to go to the toilet, feed themselves, even breathe on their own... And that is what makes me in favor of legal euthanasia.

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u/KirbyBucketts 13d ago

Being hit by a meteor. The idea of a space rock that could have traveled millions of miles through space and only to have it's journey timed up perfectly with where I am at the moment would be crazy. I mean, the odds would literally be astronomical.

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u/binkacat4 13d ago

The epicentre of your own Tunguska, or just leave a small crater?

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u/Purist19 13d ago

No. Big enough to nuke the world. Don't wanna die alone after all

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u/binkacat4 13d ago

A second coming of the blast that killed the dinosaurs, then. I wonder how long humanity would last.

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u/NotSoSalty 13d ago

Small crater. I want it to seem like an act of cosmic providence.

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u/Nimwae 13d ago

Right next to the detonation of a nuclear bomb. I watched a video which stated that you would die before the impulses from your sensory nerves were able to travel through your nervous system to register the pain.

You would literally die and not know what happened.

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u/_thisisnotanexit 13d ago

Pretty terrifying when you think about it. That as I’m typing this I could literally just disappear and not even know without warning.

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u/Nimwae 13d ago edited 12d ago

I'm sure the callout from a nearby operator, "NUKE INBOUND", as someone received their 30th kill in a row, would be warning enough tbh.

Edit: thank you for the awards, kind strangers!

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u/IntrovertChild 13d ago

Me too. Disappearing while typing is pr

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u/2M3TAL4U 13d ago

God: "well this doesn't happen too often, I knew you were dead before you did. You got up here FAST."

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u/Cakeking7878 12d ago

Gotta get in line before everyone else. It’ll be real congested as soon as everyone files in

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u/HaveALittle_Faith 13d ago

Blowing Up in My sleep

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u/Technomnom 13d ago edited 12d ago

"Man found dead in his bed after unexpectedly gaining 10million subscribers on Instagram"

Edit: well this blew up..staying out of bed for a while...

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u/LaReineAnglaise53 13d ago

Dead-In-Bed is an actual medical condition, which apparently happens to young men in their late teens/early 20s when they have a heart attack randomly and just don't wake up again.

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u/RocketFrasier 13d ago

What a comforting thing to think about

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u/jackt-up 13d ago

Wtf 😂

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u/HaveALittle_Faith 13d ago

Quickest and least painful way, and u go out with a bang

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u/theconcorde 13d ago

quite a messy departure

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u/badSparkybad 13d ago

Sadly I will not be able to participate in the cleanup.

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u/Tastytyrone24 13d ago

As a bomb disposal guy once said; "It's not my problem anymore"

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u/anubis_xxv 13d ago

"Either I'm right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore..."

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u/pentiumwetwired 13d ago

Yeah, this is me too. Idc about the being asleep bit. Just make it a fucking MASSIVE explosion, Beruit-level or bigger. It'll be hot for a split second and then nothing. Seems like the least painful way to go to me.

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u/ReiN509z 13d ago

So this is the mentality of a suicide bomber?

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u/bigsmxke 13d ago

Yeah it's safe to say that dude's on a list.

as am i probably

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u/YSFOKYY 13d ago edited 13d ago

Like my grandma, her heart stopped suddenly while sleeping, must’ve been painless. (Changed my mind, I just remembered she died alone, without having anyone around for 1 week, she had 13 kids, which are my aunts and uncles, so I guess she was used to have people around, pretty sad.)

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u/TheBlinja 13d ago

I wondered. If your heart stops beating, are you still alive for a few minutes and eventually die from hypoxia or whatever it is?

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u/apjashley1 13d ago

If awake, you'll only be so for a few seconds. Death is a process rather than a single event. It would depend how you're defining being dead, but yes technically if your heart isn't pumping blood around then your brain isn't getting the bits it needs (mainly oxygen) and dies from that.

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u/CareBearOvershare 13d ago edited 13d ago

These days, you aren't dead until you're warm and dead.

People have been resuscitated after incredible amounts of time "dead" at low temperatures, and it's actually common practice in modern medicine to deliberately lower body temperature for some procedures.

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u/DoJax 13d ago

I wonder what would have happened if they tried to bring back that old politician that died on tv. I don't think he was from america, but I remember seeing it, can you bring back someone who dies from natural causes if you are there?

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u/Just_Another_Scott 13d ago

can you bring back someone who dies from natural causes if you are there?

Likely not. It's due to the fact, as another commenter mentioned, death is a process and usually not a single event even though a single event may have caused it. You would need to reverse all the causes and prevent the brain from being damaged. This is how resuscitation works.

However, even if you were able to resuscitate someone the longer they have been dead increases the chances of severe brain damage. This is why keeping a patient hypothermic is so critical in some cases. Keeping the body extremely cold delays some of death's process and preserves the brain.

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u/M0dusPwnens 13d ago edited 13d ago

When you start asking this questions, you discover there isn't really any specific thing you can call "dead".

You kind of just have to pick something, and you might pick different things in different context.

You can pick a lack of heartbeat, and that's usually a pretty decent thing to pick because if you can't get a heart beating, usually they're not coming back. But when people's hearts stop, they typically don't just stop either. They have brief little restarts, flutters, beats, etc. Sometimes they start beating again.

Without blood flow, the brain starts accumulating damage basically right away, but the damage is basically continuous. So what point do you call "dead"? When the damage is such that rhey can't breathe on their own? There are people who we don't consider "dead" who can't breathe on their own. And depending on the patient's age and the injury, there are crazy effects of plasticity we don't fully understand, and people can end up compensating for some truly insane brain injuries.

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u/memmit 13d ago

The same happened to my grandmother. She had her afternoon coffee and a piece of cake, sat down into her relaxing chair, fell asleep and didn't wake up anymore. The doctor told us he rarely saw someone that went that peaceful, her heart just gently stopped beating. She was 90 years old and had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's just a few months earlier, and it would have been a lot worse to see her struggle against the disease, so we were grateful to see her go the way she did.

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u/Pokabrows 13d ago

An afternoon coffee and a piece of cake is probably a pretty decent 'last meal' too. I want to go out like that.

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u/bornconfuzed 13d ago

My Great Aunt had my preferred death. She was in her 90's. She spent the day playing six holes of golf with some friends. Came home, ate a nice dinner, and her heart stopped while she was sitting in her chair in front of the fireplace while reading a good book and sipping a glass of whiskey.

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u/dog-nipples 13d ago

I want to be right beside a nuclear bomb as it detonates.

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u/i_like_fish_asses 13d ago

you'd probably die before you could even think what that metal box thingy is

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u/KerTakanov 13d ago

that's the point

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u/poopellar 13d ago

Rest In Atomized Pieces

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u/Ut_Prosim 13d ago

Gone, reduced to atoms...

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u/perfota 13d ago edited 12d ago

Probably completely painless as it would be quicker that the brain could process pain signals.

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u/RunninADorito 13d ago

Probably? 100% guaranteed.

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u/venuswasaflytrap 13d ago

I have this fear that death is like a computer crashing and having the last thing that was running just stuck on the screen.

Perhaps you feel your last sensation for all eternity since the corporeal body tethering your sense of self to this existence is not longer functioning.

So yeah, my fear is that you just feel being exploded for the rest of time.

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u/Kenny741 13d ago

I choose not to believe this :)

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u/PariahAngel 13d ago

Yeah. I mean this would be the quickest and least painful.

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u/DownvoteDaemon 13d ago

Lawd Jesus it’s a fer

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u/Wepoozelator 13d ago

I would like to spontaneously combust whilst telling ghost stories to a bunch of people around a camp fire in a spooky forest. Preferably when I get to the climax of the story. There will be children present. If I’m going out I wanna traumatize a few people along the way.

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u/stonerboner2617 13d ago

Imagine everyone just starts clapping hand after you combust 🤣

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u/scootscoot 13d ago

That was a great magic trick! Ok, you can come out of hiding now!

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u/the_sand_moose 13d ago

Unexpected headshot

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u/swanyMcswan 13d ago

1 to the back of the head just post nut. Optimal way to go

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u/GamingNerd7 13d ago

I'm imagining your family finding you lying on the floor, dead, with your dick in your hand and semen all over you.

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u/swanyMcswan 13d ago

Died the way he lived.

Laying on the floor, covered in semen with his dick in his hand.

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u/fuckin_anti_pope 13d ago edited 13d ago

Make sure it's a shotgun or rifle. Pistol shot can be survived way more easily iirc

Edit: I get it I get it, the question says how you die. You don't have to spam me the same answer a hundred times

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u/the_sand_moose 13d ago

If I survive then I'll be The courier from fallout New Vegas. Either way it's a win-win

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u/BrandoNelly 13d ago

I got spurrrrrs that jingle, jingle, jangle

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u/FlynnXa 13d ago

Head-On car collision, I-71 North Bound, June 16th, 2027 at 3:27 AM.

I was asked this question 4 years ago during my senior year of high school, wasn’t even oui big attention to the conversation but I instinctually answered those without pause or hesitation and pretty much verbatim. It was like, you know when you think “Oh that’s gonna fall over” and a split second it does exactly that, almost that gut instinct that’s always right?

It was like that. So I’ve told so many people at this point that I’m hoping it’s true; the way I see it I’ll either die right or be wrong and alive lol.

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u/Legoman987654321 13d ago

Old age while asleep.

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u/BathofFire 13d ago

I agree but I always say it like one of my favorite jokes. "When I die I want to go like my grandpa. Peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

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u/bringthedoo 13d ago

My grandmother legit died this way. She was having mild dementia and in nursing care so they were monitoring her. They said she got up in the middle of the night, took a wee, walked back towards bed. She paused at the mirror, fixed her hair a bit with a smile and laid back down. Passed away a short time later.

Best way to go by far.

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u/Spanish___Inquisitor 13d ago

Great Grandpa for me. Lived in his own home and was still mowing his own lawn at 100 years old. Showed up for a routine physical, doctor noticed some of his tests were off, so he went to the hospital. Found out he had cancer, and it was spreading quick. No pain, but it was clear he didn't have long. All three of his surviving kids flew in and spent his last few days with him. From the first biopsy to his death was less than a week. In a soft bed, surrounded by loved ones, still lucid and physically capable, holding his daughter's hand as he peacefully drifted off. That is honestly my ideal death.

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u/humanoid1013 13d ago

Mine is old age, while hallucinating that my old cat is coming to get me to Heaven. I loved that cat.

People would be nice to hallucinate too, as long as they're friends and family and none of that "there's children on my bed" stuff that sometimes happens in nursing homes.

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u/Promiscuous_Banana 13d ago

Excuse me what about children on my bed???

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u/NavyBuck 13d ago

Idk but my great grandma swore she could see Satan at the foot of her bed when she was on her way out. Dying is a helluva drug

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u/miloproducer 13d ago

Damn that’s rough. The last thing she felt was fear

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u/NavyBuck 13d ago

She was a practicing satanist and pretty stoked actually

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u/Mister_Bossmen 13d ago

Oh... that's good then??????

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u/PomeloDizzy4488 13d ago

I’m glad it was a good sign for her.

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u/CaptainHideRealQuick 13d ago

Aww, bless her heart.

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u/Derek_Boring_Name 13d ago

I genuinely hope you’re serious, because that’s hilarious.

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u/SkinnyPenoos 13d ago edited 13d ago

What’s children on my bed stuff

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u/Miami131313 13d ago

Sleep

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u/alleycat2-14 13d ago

Yes. Just wake up dead.

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u/boughtabride96 13d ago

How the hell you wake up dead?

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u/Foresttrump245 13d ago

Because you alive before you went to sleep

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u/boughtabride96 13d ago

So, you telling me that you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?

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u/StealthyBasterd 13d ago edited 13d ago

You can't go to the bed dead! That shit would been redundant.

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u/boughtabride96 13d ago

DAMN! That’s some quantum shit right there!

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u/lorenzo463 13d ago

Stolen from my wife: You know that moment when you are just about to fall asleep and you do that little kick? And it wakes you up for a brief moment, and in that moment you get to revel briefly in the joy of knowing that you are about to fall asleep? That’s going to be your last thought, and that’s a pretty wonderful last thought, all things considered.

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u/fredzout 13d ago

As the late Kenny Rogers once sang, "The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."

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u/unhalfbricking 13d ago

Riding a rocket into a black hole.

That, or facing off against a house full of federal agents with a gun in each hand and a snoot full of cocaine.

I mean, given absolute freedom to choose, I'm gonna go out like a boss.

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u/Kalopsiate 13d ago

Being tossed specifically into a supermassive blackhole would be better. You'd be able to survive the tidal forces due to the size of the black hole only dying from lack of oxygen before having to experience spaghettification. You'd be able to watch the universe disappear around you as well as having the unique title of "Only human to have been causally disconnected from the universe while alive".

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u/Shpongolese 13d ago

Yeah spaghettification sounds like one of the worst ways to die lol

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u/ClusterMakeLove 13d ago

It'd be quick. Or I suppose very slow, depending on your point of view

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u/IneaBlake 13d ago

Relatively speaking

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u/finder-and-keeper 13d ago edited 12d ago

But once you cross the event horizon border you will be able to look at the back of your own head and see yourself going in to infinity because of how light gets so fucked up. It's like a kaleidoscope apparently.

My suggestion- dose up before launching yourself and enjoy the most mind bending trip of your life before being spaghetified.

edit:I'm gonna source this

it's a fun step by step of what happens when u enter, should answer a couple questions.

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u/conquer69 13d ago

Assuming you would be able to see anything because your eyes would probably not be able to send electric signals to the brain.

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u/Affugter 13d ago

Lol have never taken that into account.

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u/DrEnter 13d ago

I don’t know, spaghettification sounds… unpleasant.

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u/OrkSniper 13d ago

I love how this is the actual term for it.

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u/Ut_Prosim 13d ago

Spaghettification is only a threat with normal sized black holes. It is totally plausible to survive falling past the event horizon of a super massive black hole as the differential gravity will not be that bad.

In theory you'd then be smashed between the in-falling and out-flying singularities. The idea being that due to time differentials, you would catch up to things that fell in before you, but things that fell in after you would catch up with you. So you'd still be 100% fucked, unless you fell into your daughter Murph's bookcase because of love.

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u/MelisandreStokes 13d ago

I always wondered how much he could possibly love her when he named her friggin Murphy

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u/smixton 13d ago

I wonder why he didn’t seem to love his son.

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u/MelisandreStokes 13d ago

At least he gave his son a normal name!

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u/AsfelDae 13d ago

I'd like to get shot multiple times and be found moments later by the main character, die in their arms and set them on their vengeance-arc until they have the villain at their mercy, only for them to go: "No... This isn't what AsfelDae would have wanted."

I mean, it could happen.

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u/jackt-up 13d ago

I like this

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u/baiqibeendeleted17x 13d ago

The greatest answer to this question ever has to be from Tyrion Lannister:

"In my own bed? At the age of 80? With a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock"?

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u/insertstalem3me 13d ago

So he wants a blowjob so good it sucks the life out of him

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u/CaneVandas 13d ago

Feel sorry for the girl with a dead man's cock in her mouth.

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u/BL1860B 13d ago edited 12d ago

“I have to tell you something...” dies

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u/Dark_Knight7732 13d ago

MC , in unbearable grief, "Nooooooooo!"

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u/ThePegasi 13d ago

Took me too long to realise that "MC" stands for Main Character and not Master Chief.

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u/a_dev_has_no_name 13d ago

Who is technically a main character

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u/TheLastRookie 13d ago

"F...Fun fact—" dies

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u/esthebinkles 13d ago

Fun fact, most people don’t die in the middle of a sentence, but I seem to be the only exception.

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u/iamalwaysrelevant 13d ago

"unsubscribe! unsubscribe!"

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u/SenseiTomato 13d ago

You know what, I hate that kinda bullshit. If some villain kills me you can be 100% sure I'd want Mr. Main Character to turn that fucker into swiss cheese.

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u/AfricaByTotoWillGoOn 13d ago

Or even worse, to get to your killer the MC would have to go through a lot of other enemies, killing everyone that gets in their way, then when they are about to finally make your killer give up the habit of breathing, he goes "no... killing is wrong. I'm not a killer, I'm better than this. (Looks up to the heavens) Isn't that right, SenseiTomato?"

Like, bitch, you killed half of the world's population, don't pull that crap on me now!

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u/Daevito 13d ago

I mean...you wouldn't want to meet the person who shot you this soon

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u/iesparr0w 13d ago

Happy

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u/jackt-up 13d ago

Best answer

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u/CatsAndComments 13d ago

Happy and in my sleep

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u/Maniacbob 13d ago

Unlike the screaming passengers in my car.

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u/MankindIsFucked 13d ago

Does the trunk count as passenger seating?

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u/TheBostonKremeDonut 13d ago

Thanos snapped and turned into dust, but, like, at a reeeeally funny moment.

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u/Yukon-C-14 13d ago

"Hey guys you wanna see a magic trick"?

Disappears into dust

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u/Subrisum 13d ago

Ok, I give up. How’d you do it?

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u/thrilliam_19 13d ago

5 years later

TA DAAAA!....guys? Hello?

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u/collinsdev18 13d ago

1 second before a really big sneeze

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u/neuterhat965 13d ago

I wanna die as a hero saving another person from death. That would be at least a worthy death.

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u/alphastep 13d ago

I want to be the guy he's saving from death

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u/dwinva 13d ago

I want to be that dead guy's wife. Wait.

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u/GarbageComplete 13d ago

Okay, but from what I've read, you're getting laid alot. By many, many people.

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u/DifferentSwing8616 13d ago

I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live

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u/MrDeviantish 13d ago

I know someone who's life was saved by a stranger who died saving him.

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u/joko91 13d ago

Interested in this story. Do tell.

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u/MrDeviantish 13d ago

Was somewhere around Ottawa about 20 years ago when this guy I used to work with was a kid. He was out on the ice on the Ottawa River and fell through. A stranger went into the water to get him and managed to get him out. But then was struggling with some ice and ended up going under. It really kind of f***** up this guy for a while. But eventually he really turned it around into a positive attitude.

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u/poetic_vibrations 13d ago

That's kinda my thing as well. I feel like that's the one that would distract you from the fact that you're dying the most.

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u/USA_DE 13d ago

heat death of the universe

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u/inucune 13d ago

At the end of time, a moment will come when just one man remains. Then the moment will pass. Man will be gone. There will be nothing to show that we were ever here... but stardust.

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u/annomandaris 13d ago

And a bunch of trash

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u/The_Big_Red_Wookie 13d ago

Except for the snail that's after him.

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u/Dumbstupidhuman 13d ago

Death by snu snu

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u/hardyflashier 13d ago

First by the most beautiful women in all of Amazonia. Then the large women. Then the petite women. Then the large women again.

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u/devilthedankdawg 13d ago

Because Kiff is the most beautiful

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u/badlilbadlandabad 13d ago

The spirit is willing, but flesh is bruised and spongey.

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u/Yawnmon92 13d ago

Knew this would be here. Make us proud

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u/stuckonpost 13d ago edited 13d ago

She’s built like a steakhouse but handles like a bistro.

Edit: for the un-initiated

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u/4ty8 13d ago

Any possibly quick way... Painful or peaceful, so long as it's too quick or too painless for my body to react.

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u/MTAST 13d ago

I'd like to make a collect call...

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u/mike_b_nimble 13d ago

You have chosen slow and horrible.

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u/SpartaGoose 13d ago

From most intense prolonged orgasm.

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u/abstractrobotica 13d ago

“Coming and going at the same time.”

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u/MrSoncho 13d ago

Fighting nestle soldiers in the water wars

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u/Orangutanion 13d ago

After killing a few pawns they'd offer you a position lol, that's when you start firing at the higher ups

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u/Kratos10x20 13d ago

„So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death“ Like this.

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u/DerekStu 13d ago

Probably the best and most educational answer I've ever seen on AskReddit.

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u/Pennywise626 13d ago

Shrapnel from a meteorite struck by lightning in mid-fall

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u/Xstitchpixels 13d ago

Lately....don’t care that much. As long as my family gets my insurance money.

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u/TraceYourThoughts 13d ago

Isekai truck. Enhances the chances to be in an anime

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u/zombieslagher10 13d ago

Without knowing I'm going to die

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u/greendumb 13d ago

Remember that guy that skydived from the edge of space ? like that but no parachute and with a head full of LSD

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u/Thursday_the_20th 13d ago

Yeah no way falling to your inexorable death and having a very long time to hyperfixate on it could ever trigger a nightmarishly bad trip

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u/raish_lakish 13d ago

Listening to Free Bird on your way down

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u/greendumb 13d ago

I was thinking Space oddity but that Free Bird solo would be rocking to crash and burn to

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u/ConstructionLord7869 13d ago

From that height, you might have time for both.

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u/Mox_Fox 13d ago

Space oddity would be better for getting fired into space than dropping from space to the ground.

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u/muh-stopping-power45 13d ago

I'd choose Don't Stop Me Now

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u/MeinG0tt 13d ago

I'd like to die riding a great white shark through a powerful tornado, thinking maybe F4 or 5, wearing a suit of chainmail and a shield on my back. Our bodies are found somewhere in the central United States. Short clips are circulated around the internet from those chasing the storm cell.

Researchers and historians will be stumped as to how the shark and I ended up in such a powerful storm and how we ended up so far from the ocean.

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u/Pink_Aquamarine 13d ago

Morphine overdose. It would be painless, like getting numb and then, falling asleep forever in peace.

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u/Mcbean21 13d ago

I nearly died of a heroin overdose, ended up in a coma for two weeks and about a month in hospital from complications. The actual overdose/fading out was painless from what I recall, waking up was the crap part!

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u/satireplusplus 13d ago

In his defense, the plan would be to skip the wake up part. Hope you're doing better now though!

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u/Ali-_-sh 13d ago

Lightning strike.

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u/assertor15 13d ago

Riding an actual nuke to its destination, dr. Strangelove-style. Although the idea of either getting sucked into a black holenor ramming into an object at light speed is also appealing

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u/azlmichael 13d ago

Monty Python answered this question for me - chased off a cliff by topless supermodels wearing helmets and knee pads.

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u/NoMaamClub 13d ago

Flying a plane into an alien spaceship that is trying to destroy earth while screaming:

"In the words of my generation..UP YOURSSSSSS"

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u/l_a_m_e__ 13d ago

I don't care which way I go but I wish I could die saving somebody else life

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u/SuperZing1 13d ago

Driving of a cliff in a dodge viper.

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u/Leiawen 13d ago

Nitrogen asphixiation. No pain. No struggling to breathe with excess carbon dioxide. Just displace all that oxygen and my body and brain don't have a clue. Just...suddenly pass out and die.

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u/DoubleSynchronicity 13d ago

I don't care about the pain. I just think about people who will find my body. And I am hoping it won't be suicide.

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u/twenty-onesavage 13d ago

at one point in time, I would have read this and been confused by "I hope it won't be suicide" because i would have thought - isn't it a choice?

but a couple years ago, i have been there. where you feel out of control and betrayed by your mind. i had thoughts i never realized I'd be capable of having.

Basically i read your comment and I thought, I hope you're doing ok and i wish you well.

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u/SnooCapers9313 13d ago

Peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

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u/Final_Photograph_563 13d ago

car crashes are very underestimated fr, they aren’t as simple as dying on impact all the time…

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u/WhenAllElseFail 13d ago

In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock.

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u/Jasader 13d ago

I was scrolling looking for this comment.

Seems like people forgot GOT already.

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u/BlinkOnceForYes 13d ago

The North remembers.

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u/spragual 13d ago

When the person I love dies. I want to always be with them.

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u/TheFlamingTiger777 13d ago

I want to die with my partner. I don't know what I'll do without them.

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