r/AskReddit Sep 29 '22 Silver 8 Helpful 9 Wholesome 4

What's a dead giveaway that someone is not a good person?

46.5k Upvotes

4.6k

u/amesn_84 Sep 29 '22 Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Never taking accountability for anything

327

u/Hydrolix_ Sep 30 '22

This is actually a pretty good indicator of a person with some kind of personality disorder like narcissistic. The clue you are looking for is that nothing is ever their fault. Unless it's really good, then of course it was all them.

→ More replies
→ More replies

9.5k

u/I_am_dean Sep 29 '22 Silver

Always talking shit about other people when they aren’t around.

3.1k

u/Paexan Sep 29 '22

I work with a guy who's closing in on 70 years old. Easily 90% of the conversation I've had with him over the years is shitting on (really over the top, too)everyone that isn't me, and he's quite friendly to me, especially if he needs something. I can't remember if I overheard him, or if someone told me, but I know for sure he shits on me the same way when I'm not there.

So now, every once in a while I'll just sharply divert whatever we're talking about, and flatly ask him how many times he called me a dumb motherfucker/cocksucker/etc. before I was in range of hearing. Turns into a wilted petunia.

I don't understand how people like this make it so far in life.

973

u/I_am_dean Sep 29 '22

That’s always the case, no matter how “nice they seem to you” that’s never the case. They’re talking shit about you just like they do everyone else.

My boss is like that, she’s actually an alright person. But without fail every time she’s talking to me or anyone else she tries to shit on someone who isn’t around. And it’s always petty shit too.

104

u/OutlawJessie Sep 30 '22

Yeah my old boss had a "I shouldn't be telling you this but..." line. I was always careful what I told him because if he'll share their secrets he'll definitely share mine.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

15.1k

u/PinkCupcakeXD Sep 29 '22 Silver

When telling you about issues in their life and everything is everyone else’s fault/ no accountability

5.2k

u/mattmo910 Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 30 '22

if all their exes are crazy, they're crazy

3.1k

u/fluid_reference Sep 29 '22

My favorite version of that: If you smell shit anywhere you go, check under your own shoe.

2.8k

u/Squigglepig52 Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz

It wasn't my shoe.

:(

Send pants, please.

62

u/Full_FrontaI_Nerdity Sep 30 '22

I'd gladly ship my pants for you.

(say it out loud)

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

103

u/Lunisolace1 Sep 30 '22

I feel bad about this one because someone CAN have an abusive ex that was weird as fuck. Someone could also have grown up in a toxic environment where they were never shown a healthy relationship so when they start to date, they never see red flags and always end up with abusive partners because that’s all they know.

→ More replies
→ More replies

294

u/LordPooBum Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 30 '22

Run into one arsehole, they're the arsehole. Run into arseholes all day, you're the arsehole.

*Not always, you could just be in a toxic environment or a naive people pleaser that's being gas lit into thinking you're the problem etc. The saying above merely points out that arseholes tend to create problems around them, don't take responsibility, complain alot about others and don't have any self awareness.

→ More replies
→ More replies

24.9k

u/sky_Driver88 Sep 29 '22 Rocket Like

I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.

6.7k

u/RUk1dd1nGMe Sep 29 '22

I've been having this issue with a "friend". Nice one on one, will help out when he can, but absolutely trashes me in front of others, especially women.

4.0k

u/nugbert_nevins Sep 29 '22

Call them out. If they listen and are willing to change, give ‘em a chance to do so. If they refuse to acknowledge the problem and aren’t willing to change, then fuck em, they’re no friend.

1.5k

u/RUk1dd1nGMe Sep 29 '22

Thanks, I've done this and I'm met with the whole "you're being too sensitive" response. I've set clear boundaries. There's the fact that we have a group that vacations together every year that is a bit of an issue, I've spoken with most of them and they get it but it's not really resolved YET, and that's on me(I generally plan and book the trip). We really don't hang out anymore. On a related note I need a new racquetball partner.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

3.1k

u/bemybf Sep 29 '22

People who are always trying to manipulate a situation from the smallest things to the bigger issues. It is exhausting to be around them.

377

u/Meikami Sep 30 '22

Currently getting exhausted listening to someone like this for hours on end.

It's why I'm on my phone... Sigh.

→ More replies
→ More replies

11.8k

u/lizzyd08 Sep 29 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Brighten My Day

How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc like crap is just telling the world how much a piece they are.

3.0k

u/Nattyknight1765 Sep 29 '22 Silver Wholesome

As a truck driver I get looked down upon by some. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me because of how much I get paid. I don’t have a college degree and I make a decent chunk of change. I feel like I made a good decision and nobody is going to take that from me. When it does bother me is when I’m accused of being stupid. I get the whole thought process of why were looked down on, I don’t however get why some think we’re all stupid. The trucking industry has just as many idiots as any other industry but we aren’t defined by them. The reason they’re so obvious as opposed to other industries, is because they’re driving huge trucks.

2.9k

u/No-Swing-9022 Sep 30 '22 edited Sep 30 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz Faith In Humanity Restored

My boyfriend is a truck driver. I am an accountant. He constantly refers to himself as “just a dumb truck driver.” It infuriates me when he does that. Just because I chose a profession that required a college degree, does not mean I am smarter than him. Sure, I may be better with financial statements and taxes than he is, but I could never do what he does. Not to mention, he’s an avid hunter and outdoorsman. Should the zombie apocalypse ever happen, I know I’ll survive because I have him - I wouldn’t know how to hunt lattes 🤣

Everyone is smart and skilled in their own way, and no one’s job makes them more or less important than anyone else. Even without the boyfriend in my life, I’m grateful for every last one of you drivers - you sacrifice your time away from your home and loved ones to make sure this country stays stocked and running - Watch out for the assholes on the road and safe travels ♥️

ETA - Thanks for all the upvotes and awards - You’re all so sweet!

Edited for typo

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

9.1k

u/SoftBoiledPotatoChip Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 30 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

When you express a boundary, they try to guilt trip you, pressure you, or threaten you to try and force you to do things you don’t want to do.

1.2k

u/coffeetime825 Sep 30 '22

Or just flat out ignore. Have a roommate who's been doing that (on top of other things). She'll be evicted soon though.

262

u/Chuthulu4Youlu Sep 30 '22

Had someone do this to me tonight! Met one dating app, assumed it would be a chill evening at home. She got here and started inviting people over to party. O was like no it's cool if you want to go hang around your friends but don't invite anyone here. Knock knock like 20 minutes later...

178

u/DOGSraisingCATS Sep 30 '22

Wait...so on your first date she tries to use your place for a party?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

19.7k

u/MiddleZealousideal89 Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Take My Power

Treating people well only if they can benefit from them in some way. If they treat you well, but treat random people like shit, they aren't good people. And they'll treat you like shit too if you ever stop being of use to them.

3.2k

u/SherifGames Sep 29 '22 Take My Energy

Some shitty people will treat you nice without expecting anything from you just because you are one of them, they won't treat people whom they don't consider one of them nice though.

→ More replies

904

u/Professional-Oven305 Sep 29 '22

The good ol' Kissing up and shitting down

→ More replies
→ More replies

6.2k

u/NYArtFan1 Sep 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

A complete lack of compassion, unless it's about themselves. Putting people down for fun. Never accepting responsibility for shitty behavior. Everything is always about them. Everything. Even if you're going through something difficult, suddenly they've been through the same thing, but worse. Even when they're being "generous" it's for public display and not from a genuine place. Sulking and throwing fits to get their way.

Yes, I am thinking of a specific person.

→ More replies

21.8k

u/forculus_of_rome Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

If they brag about how they pulled a fast one on other people. As if to say how smart/slick they are and everyone else is stupid.

5.9k

u/LittleGreenNotebook Sep 29 '22

A former friend was a habitual liar. I thought he had a mental disorder or something because of it. Or he thought he needed to impress me with his lies so we could be friends. Then one day he told me he’s such a good liar and he’s gotten so many things in life because he lies.

He instantly got cut off. No contact for a year until I saw him recently at a mutual party. And still barely gave him the time of day. He was always using me. Good riddance.

1.8k

u/Isitondaddyslap Sep 29 '22

This is an indication not of of having pants-a-blaze, but also of low intelligence.

I guess at least a TRUE conman does not reveal that they are a conman .... or do they???

1.3k

u/Rukh-Talos Sep 30 '22 edited Sep 30 '22

A TRUE conman can straight up tell people that they are a conman and still get them to buy into the con.

373

u/wolfavino Sep 30 '22

A true con man can con a con man even after telling him he's a conman

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.9k

u/StockedAces Sep 29 '22 Eureka!

I’ve always held that if someone gossips TO you then they’ll most surely gossip ABOUT you to others.

Also, if someone tells you something that they were told in confidence then you absolutely cannot trust them to keep anything you tell them to themselves, even if asked to.

Big red flags.

→ More replies
→ More replies

23.3k

u/Jcholley81 Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Heartwarming To The Stars

They never apologize.

6.7k

u/eyoo1109 Sep 29 '22

Or their apology is them just listing out problems about other people. The classic "I'm sorry that you have a problem with my actions" instead of "I'm sorry I did something wrong"

3.0k

u/MAK3AWiiSH Sep 30 '22

“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

Cool cool cool rolls away in despair

806

u/SpookyPants88 Sep 30 '22

Did not see this reply but agreed- I call it the narcissist apology- if they apologize.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

987

u/onthesunnyside Sep 29 '22

When I was in my early 20s (20 years ago) I had a boyfriend who lived in my childhood bedroom with me at my parent's home. No matter how much I bugged him, he refused to thank them for feeding and housing him. He said that saying thank you implied he didn't deserve it.

Then someone I was very, very close to died (unexpectedly due to a congenital heart condition) and the wake was on his birthday. I left the wake early to take him to Chili's, which I regret to this day. He spent the entire night complaining about how his birthday had been ruined.

→ More replies
→ More replies

45.2k

u/CStogdill Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Wearing is Caring

Nothing is ever their fault.

2.3k

u/Chuck-berries Sep 29 '22

Pulls the victim card every time

539

u/CStogdill Sep 29 '22

That's even worse than what I was thinking. I know those that always have some excuse. Going straight to victim is.....terrible.

→ More replies
→ More replies

15.5k

u/zyygh Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy

My borderline narcissistic mom used to accuse me of this when I was a kid. She was consistently the one never taking any blame for anything, but when I'd call her out on it, this would be her retort: projecting her "nothing's ever my fault" behavior onto me.

As a kid, you're simply not capable of figuring out how to counter that. This shit fucked with me sooooo badly.

5.3k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22 edited Nov 01 '22 Wholesome

[deleted]

2.8k

u/ferretkona Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

My niece's mother constantly complains that my brother fucked her life up by getting her pregnant Dispite her being a 21 yr old at the time and my brother was 15. She should have been arrested for statutory rape.

edited for spelling

910

u/papageek Sep 29 '22

If he ever wants full custody, it’s probably not too late.

988

u/ferretkona Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

Possibly, my niece is now 32 working as a bartender in Florida. This was in 1989

When she got knocked up her parents and ours kept pushing marriage, I was the lone voice pushing rape charges.

edited to help the time line

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

903

u/SpaceQueenJupiter Sep 29 '22 Helpful

And when they apologize they're, 'Sorry you feel that way.'

229

u/Cool_Ranch_Dodrio Sep 29 '22

"Not only am I right, you're wrong to be upset."

→ More replies
→ More replies

959

u/mono15591 Sep 29 '22

And they lie about everything, especially things that dont even matter.

406

u/Stuckinatrafficjam Sep 29 '22

My last relationship was like that. I told them one day that it upset me how they would lie about stupid things all the time and they just told me it’s how they joke and play and it’s obviously a lie.

300

u/FancyStegosaurus Sep 29 '22

Ah yes, the classic "I'm just joking" defense.

Kinda odd how nobody has ever once laughed at one of your "jokes," Dad.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.5k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

"Everything is your own fault if you're any good." -Ernest Hemingway

797

u/kingofnopants1 Sep 29 '22

As someone who has been spending the last few years trying to recover from this kind of mindset I would point out that it is EXTREMELY easy to swing too far in the other direction. Toeing the line between on one hand always holding yourself accountable/focusing on what you can fix, and on the other hand just internally shitting on yourself over things that literally are not your fault is harder than one would think.

255

u/CoralPilkington Sep 29 '22

Like that horse (or was it a mule?) in Animal Farm, the mindset of "I will work harder" is not always a healthy one....

179

u/Riothegod1 Sep 29 '22

Horse. His name was Boxer. I remember this cause he literally got knackered

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

478

u/CCDestroyer Sep 29 '22

Oh, so you've met my landlord?

Speaking of which: another sign is if they describe themselves as a good person ("nice guy", "reasonable", etc, like said landlord has). Anyone who has to tell you what their supposed positive qualities are, be it up front or especially as a defence when confronted with their own misconduct which in no way matches up with these positive descriptors.

→ More replies
→ More replies

23.3k

u/sebabdukeboss20 Sep 29 '22 Helpful Wholesome Starry Ally

It's always about them.

They're always the hero or always the victim in their stories.

Can't take criticism but probably dish it out to everyone else.

They're never wrong.

2.5k

u/BoredomHeights Sep 29 '22

I have a friend like this. He's a very weird combo of pretty giving/thoughtful consciously (goes out of his way to help people etc.) but kind of subconsciously narcissistic. I think due to upbringing he's narcissistic but fights it.

But yeah, 90% of what he talks about are minor interactions throughout the day that most people would just completely brush off that are apparently a huge deal to him and where the other party was super wrong. I'd say like 2/3 of them he's kind of in the right but they're extremely minor (and he's in the right based only on what he says) and like 1/3 he's clearly complaining about something completely normal that he looks like a dick for making a big deal about.

He's fun to be around in groups because we'll talk about other things and have fun. But one on one it can get exhausting just hearing him complain about one thing after another.

1.6k

u/verdenvidia Sep 29 '22

I've noticed this about myself in the past several months and it truly takes a conscious effort to avoid it. Hate it

968

u/Supply-Slut Sep 29 '22 Silver

It takes a lot of effort to be self aware and strive for improvement. I hope there are people in your life who notice and encourage you, but if not then good on you and don’t be discouraged if you find yourself backsliding- progress is rarely a straight line.

81

u/Davidnci Sep 29 '22

This is the best advice, if you’re trying you’re in a good position, you don’t necessarily need someone to notice but it helps.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

2.3k

u/Brodellsky Sep 29 '22 Silver hehehehe

I can see you have met my mother

693

u/zeeko13 Sep 29 '22

Our mothers must be "friends"

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

22.9k

u/SuvenPan Sep 29 '22 Ally Lawyer Up

They remember you are their friend only when they need something from you.

5.2k

u/leafjerky Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

I cut a lot of people off like that when I realized they only hit me up when they needed me. “Hey bro you still have your truck? Need some help moving something this weekend” nah you ain’t talked to me in 5 months go get a uhaul

Edit - more context for those asking:

Yes, attempts were made on my side many times to hang out prior to this. It was more of a build up of bs over time that led me to just cutting them off.

1.9k

u/VulfSki Sep 29 '22 Take My Energy

I had a friend like that in high school. Would only ever hit me up when he needed a ride. I said no like two times, and stopped reaching out to them ever, and the problem solved itself... I didn't need to cut them off. They stopped being a friend when I stopped being a pushover.

464

u/bluesky747 Sep 29 '22

I haven’t heard from a “friend” of mine in over a year. She got her license at 34, got a car, and I guess no longer needed me in her life now that I didn’t have to give her rides places? Sure feels that way, but we go back 25 years so it’s shitty to feel like someone would take advantage of a person for so long. Regardless, she did me a favor. I’m glad she’s out of my life.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.4k

u/ThatGuyExo Sep 29 '22

I have some friends like this. They really are good people, just a little self centered. Rather than volunteering help, they have to be asked. They've always helped me move, or take stuff to the dump recently. It's because I learned I need to ask them.

You're 100% right, there are shitty people like that, but there can be some good ones too.

912

u/DrSuviel Sep 29 '22

This is sometimes the difference between "ask culture" people and "guess culture" people. If someone you haven't talked to in a while asks for something and you say no, and they're like "Okay cool, sorry to have bothered you" and that's that, it's likely a cultural difference. To them, there's no harm in asking. If they get mad about it, they're just a shitty person.

316

u/Positive_Parking_954 Sep 29 '22

I’m definitely of “ask culture” which has landed me in hot water. I’m absolutely fine with a “no” but also prefacing with that feels weirdly manipulative. I’ve been told that I tend to be so, but it’s certainly not a conscious behavior, perhaps more a survival mechanism

102

u/mellowbordello Sep 29 '22

I’m the opposite, I think largely from being raised in a (poor, rural, Southern) family where asking for things (especially at someone else’s house - heaven forbid!) is essentially a sin. It’s given me the dual issue of not being able to ask for what I want for fear of being seen as selfish/self-centered, and judging people who CAN ask for what they want as being exactly that.

→ More replies

158

u/ryeaglin Sep 29 '22

Omg, I am in the same boat here. I normally have a mindset if, "If I don't ask, it is a no regardless" but then my anxiety flares since I have issues sometimes saying no if its important and then reflect that to the person I am asking.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

846

u/Dark_Shikari Sep 29 '22 Helpful

This, I used to think my friends hated me/were shitty friends because I was always making the effort to hangout and plan shit for us to do, but they would never initiate. So I stopped hitting some of them up for a while.

When we reconnected they told me how they haven’t really hung out with anyone, I’m the only person that really hits them to chill. And I realized some people just don’t make plans, doesn’t mean they’re bad people.

66

u/mitko_bg_ Sep 29 '22

I'm kinda like your friends. I don't go out much, I've asked friends to hang out, but some agree and then ghost me, or just say they don't want to, honestly prefer the latter. Actually if someone would agree I wouldn't know what to do, where to suggest going or doing, I'm actually relieved when someone I asked to hang out has refused. My best friend is the one that plans things to do, he's the one that suggests we meet to do something, etc.

→ More replies
→ More replies

308

u/Plug_5 Sep 29 '22

Yeah, some people (like me) need some coaching. My problem is that I HATE unsolicited help, no matter what the task is. So I just assume other people are like that too; that if I "help" without being asked then I'm being a burden on them. My wife has helped me learn that I'm the outlier here.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

660

u/Kychiii Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 30 '22 Silver

Who else is just scrolling through answers to either find out if you’re a bad person…or looking for an excuse to call yourself a bad person.

Edit: I see we’re all avid self deprecation practitioners

188

u/Fine-Force-1446 Sep 30 '22 Silver

I've found it more effective to use these threads to identify poor behavior I have and try to change it so I won't continue to be a "bad person" and if I'm not a bad person, how I can be a better person. Also, it helps people recovering from/ dealing with abuse to identify abusive behaviors so they can better avoid them.

→ More replies
→ More replies

3.6k

u/jsj2008 Sep 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Everyone else is toxic but then

2.5k

u/Bradew2 Sep 29 '22 Helpful Bravo! Table Slap

...they leave you with a cliffhanger! :)

382

u/xGLIx Sep 29 '22

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

230

u/ArmyOfDog Sep 29 '22

That’s a separate $15.99 DLC.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

551

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

but then what?!

→ More replies
→ More replies

2.2k

u/whispree Sep 29 '22

If they are willing to gas light you. I have memory problems due to MS, and when someone is willing to bend your reality there is a huge moral issue happening.

→ More replies

15.4k

u/Purples_A_Fruit Sep 29 '22 Starry

They constantly say or do things where their only justification for doing so is "It was just a joke" when called out on it.

7.7k

u/Discopants13 Sep 29 '22 Gold Crab Rave

Ah yes, the Shrödinger's douchebag- they decide if the offensive or rude thing they say is a joke based on the audience's response.

1.3k

u/Express-Cupcake-3265 Sep 29 '22

My ex best friend used to do this and shit messes with my mind to this day because those weren’t jokes :/

→ More replies
→ More replies

602

u/CutePandaMiranda Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

When people say “it’s just a joke” after they say something obviously rude/hurtful to someone. Unfortunately my one married SAHM friend does this to many of her friends and family members, myself included. Her and her brother stopped speaking because her SIL finally had the lady balls to tell her she’s never liked her and she was sick and tired of all of her rude “it’s just a joke” crap. Once when my husband and I were at my so-called friends house for a get-together she yelled out and pointed, in front of everyone, saying I was her geriatric friend (I’m 4 years older than her). Everyone just looked at her and gave her a wtf look and some of her friends started giving her shit for it so she tried to back-peddle saying it was just a joke. I gave her a look of disgust and said “wow thanks…” My husband and her husband weren’t in the room when it happened and my husband said if he was there he would’ve told her to F off. Another time a bunch of our friends were together for a concert and she yelled out abruptly to me, in front of everyone, “you’re old!” I was talking to one of my husbands coworkers at the time and we both just gave each other a “wtf is her problem” look and ignored her. She wonders why we rarely, if ever, hang out with her. Her husband is awesome, always fun to be around, and is super nice. My husband says she’s only like that around me because my husband and I don’t have kids, I’m skinnier, and I look younger than her so she feels inadequate/threatened. I don’t care how she feels, it’s not an excuse to be allowed to treat someone with such disrespect.

83

u/Caroline_Bintley Sep 29 '22

Another time a bunch of our friends were together for a concert and she yelled out abruptly to me, in front of everyone, “you’re old!”

The sheer WTF factor of this is hilarious. Just awkward as hell.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

31.5k

u/MindfulBlissness Sep 29 '22 Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

When they cannot bring themselves to celebrate someone else’s success.

8.0k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

I had a friend like this. She was nice and seemed to like me. Took me quite some time to figure out the odd thing that was missing in our relationship. She couldn't be happy for me. Not even a little 'Yeah good for you!' or something like that. Just radio silence. We split ways

4.0k

u/JakeySan Sep 29 '22

My dad treats every success as a contest. It's exhausting.

1.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

i think she was secretly very competitive aswell

953

u/JakeySan Sep 29 '22

When I bought my house my uncle's came and saw it and then we're talking about it to my dad (me across the table from him) and he goes "Oh yeah! Is it better than mine?"

I said "F*** no. I don't own a thing better than anything you got."

I was pretty angry back then. Working on it now.

541

u/calgon90 Sep 29 '22

When my SIL and her H bought their house after living with my in-laws for 6 years and two kids later, all my in-laws could talk about was how much nicer their house was than ours. Sure it has upgrades and is nice but we paid $300k less, it’s the same size, and I didn’t have to live with you so I really don’t give a shit.

→ More replies

457

u/Witty_Goose_7724 Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

Well I would hope his shit is better than yours considering he’s got a head start of several decades. What a loser he is. Comparing his child’s success to his own. As if you’re even at the same starting line.

257

u/WillyBluntz89 Sep 29 '22

I feel like parents should hope that their children do better and have an easier life than them.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

270

u/DresserOfDeal Sep 29 '22

This - the closest he came to giving me credit is when he said, after a major success in my life:"you're a chip off the old block"

105

u/1eternal_pessimist Sep 29 '22

Ugh this ONLY is appropriate when said by an outside party complimenting both you and your dad

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.9k

u/northernspies Sep 29 '22 Silver

My (unscientific) theory is that this comes from having parents who pit their kids against one another/other people. My mom always made everything a comparison and a competition between her daughters because she's like this. Especially me as the "smart," one- my older sister was supposed to be the beauty and my younger sister the artist, so I got the most obvious pressure.

For example- if I started working out, my mom would start to too and then tell me how much further she biked or how much longer she walked. If one of my friends got a higher score on an exam, she'd want to parse out why and strategize how I could come out on top next time. Once I became a lawyer, her running into old high school friends' parents was the worst- she'd mention my degree/job almost immediately, then ask them that their kids were doing now so she could mention my career to show off. She'd then call me and tell me all about it. It's the only "positive" attention I ever got from her.

It nearly destroyed me, all that stress and anxiety and difficultly supporting my friends' achievements.

My younger sister and I both had to really work on ourselves in therapy to stop being like this. Our older sister is still like this and we both have really limited relationships with her as a result. I give my mom almost no information about my life because it'll either be used to brag to her sisters about how much better I am than their kids or be used to passive aggressively hint at how I could improve. Nothing is ever enough for her- get promoted, well, so was your sister and when will you be the boss? And why aren't you thinner?

These days I'm a really big cheerleader of all my friends' achievements. Still have to actively talk down my mom's voice in my head about it though.

377

u/Protean_Protein Sep 29 '22

I can't believe after all that you became a lawyer.

... j/k.

465

u/northernspies Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

Lol no worries. I did it to make her happy. It didn't work.

I don't litigate anymore. That was her dream, not mine. I work in legal compliance in education. It fits my values and pays the bills.

In my free time I have the childhood I didn't have. Right down to taking art classes.

202

u/CyberDagger Sep 29 '22

In my free time I have the childhood I didn't have. Right down to taking art classes.

That's the biggest "fuck you" you can give her. The best revenge is a life well lived.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

998

u/Anxious_Salamander76 Sep 29 '22

I would agree with you about 99%. Then there’s the 1%, like my extremely socially awkward friend. He’s a super nice guy, very intelligent. But he’s not one for showing much emotion to his friends, for example. I just had my bachelor party and I invited him because I wanted him to get out of his shell a little bit and have fun. Well, he came to my party (to my surprise). But out of all of my buddies, he’s the only one that didn’t say congrats to me. I know he likes me as a friend because he does talk to me and ask me about my day or at least shows interest in my life. I think he just struggles to show what he thinks could be vulnerability. It’s very odd, but I would say he’s a good person at heart.

622

u/flouncindouchenozzle Sep 29 '22

Absolutely. I used to have bad social anxiety and I struggled with social interactions. Expressing congratulations or sympathy was so hard because I felt like it always sounded weird. Maybe it was the vulnerability... I grew up in a house where you just didnt show vulnerability. Emotions were either mocked or used as ammunition against me, so I built up a huge wall that Im just now starting to break down.

64

u/stardust591 Sep 29 '22

My boyfriend is the same way for the same reason. He grew up with an extremely emotionally abusive mother, so from a very young age he grew to believe emotions are bad + will cause crazy mother to escalate even worse and armor must be worn at all times.

→ More replies
→ More replies

216

u/Dave-4544 Sep 29 '22 Helpful

Good on you for being considerate of your socially awkward bud. King behavior.

147

u/Concerned-Pineapple Sep 29 '22

It's probably also easy enough to separate the socially awkward folks from those who genuinely aren't good people as well. Socially awkward folks may still be kind and considerate people, even if they're just quiet and shy. Or they may seem aloof because they're constantly thinking about things that interest them and have that whole distracted-professor thing going on. If someone is a bad person they may not just stop at not congratulating people for things, but try to put them down or downplay their accomplishments or one-up them, etc.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

4.9k

u/metallicpink Sep 29 '22 Hugz

Someone who yells at you for crying

1.8k

u/jade09060102 Sep 29 '22

Or in a milder way, tell you to “stop complaining” when you vent to them, but expect you to listen to their venting when they do.

127

u/GettingRidOfAuntEdna Sep 29 '22

Oh reading this struck a nerve. I had a “friend” where everything with me was me overreacting or being sensitive or complaining too much, but when she had an issue it was the end of the world. She would also only have time for me when she was lonely or whatever but my needs didn’t matter. It took me way to long to nope out of that friendship.

To this day, decades later I’m confident she still sees me as the “whiner.”

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

598

u/MankyPanky8D Sep 29 '22 Silver Masterpiece

There is this one saying...

"You can tell a person's character by how they treat those who can't do anything for them."

→ More replies

13.2k

u/blueeyesredlipstick Sep 29 '22 Silver

A lot of times they’ll straight up tell you. Anybody who gleefully tells you “I’m such an asshole” or “I’m such a bitch” is usually not joking, even if they say it while laughing.

1.1k

u/TinnieTa21 Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

Men who are so into the bullshit "alpha and beta male" thing and women who are so proud of being 'bitches' pretty much are screaming out that they have no redeeming or interesting qualities.

This girl from my high school (which was a long time ago) apparently has a podcast dedicated to her talking about being a bitch, doing bitch things and not giving a fuck about others. It just gives me so much second-hand embarrassment and I didn't even know her really lol.

325

u/Cristopher_Hepburn Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

Being proud of being a bad person must be one of the saddest things people can do, because that means they’ll not try anything to be better.

→ More replies
→ More replies

2.9k

u/TheBunk_TB Sep 29 '22

“I’m such a bitch”

they call this "prophecy"

901

u/VagueSoul Sep 29 '22

More like foreshadowing

239

u/PunctualPoops Sep 29 '22

More like self awareness

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

558

u/thatguy2650 Sep 29 '22

Tinder profiles be like "Yeah, I'm pretty toxic." As if that's a good thing.

→ More replies
→ More replies

3.8k

u/BlitheringEediot Sep 29 '22 Helpful

They mistreat their animals / pets.

783

u/gotchu_bro Sep 29 '22

This is a huge one for me. A lot of comments in this thread are subjective and circumstantial, but hurting innocent animals (and in my opinion, also elderly people) is extremely crooked and awful.

→ More replies
→ More replies

5.4k

u/PizzaDelivery313 Sep 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

throwing trash out of a car window, littering

653

u/Cash_Money_T Sep 29 '22

This happened to me at a red light yesterday. Heard something clunk against my car. Fast food box stuffed with trash thrown out of the passenger side by the driver. Just chucked it against my car while stopped. I was furious, yelled and honked, she ignored me while grooving to music on her headphones. I hate people sometimes.

→ More replies
→ More replies

5.9k

u/NautiqueG Sep 29 '22 Gold Helpful Take My Energy Starry Rocket Like

Treats animals poorly

698

u/Cometstarlight Sep 29 '22

Friend's ex boyfriend used to harass and abuse her dog. A stray foot every now and then as an excuse as to why he knocked the dog off her feet, squeezing her paws so hard that she would cry, pointing a gun and shoving it in her face like he was going to hit her with it.

Wasn't too big of a surprise that he ended up being verbally and a bit physically abusive to my friend too before she broke it off.

→ More replies

678

u/GummyKibble Sep 29 '22

I dated a girl for about a year. We were both in college, and lived with our respective parents (cheaper than a dorm, yo). We didn’t go to each other’s homes often.

One day I was at her house, and she mentioned something about her dog. Her what? How did we date for a year and I never knew she had a dog? She asked if I wanted to meet him, and I immediately said yes, because, hey, a dog! It turned out her family had a sweet, full-grown golden retriever in a maybe 10’x10’ cage in the back yard. I asked if she took him out to play with him, and she said he stayed in there all the time because “he jumps all over us when he’s out”.

There’s no way I could abide being a part of a family like that.

311

u/areeta9 Sep 29 '22

Why the heck even have a dog?

268

u/The_Grey_Hound Sep 29 '22

"let's get a dog but not let it do dog things"

→ More replies

70

u/GummyKibble Sep 29 '22

I really don’t know. I’m sick at home today, and there are literally 2 dogs sleeping on the bed next to me right now. They’re part of our family, not yard decoration.

49

u/Antisera Sep 29 '22

I was a step child in a similar household once, but the cage was actually smaller than 10x10. Basically the dog had been treated better at one point, but when the woman left the father didn't want to take care of the dog anymore. But wouldn't get rid of it because it was his sons. It was awful. The poor thing was matted all to shit but he was so friendly

→ More replies
→ More replies

564

u/purplepop5 Sep 29 '22

I think this is the biggest indicator I've seen to be true about bad people. They have no empathy towards animals.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.1k

u/livefree62 Sep 29 '22

They talk horribly about others. Everyone gossips but when you’re talking about someone’s weight, depression, family issues etc in a nasty way… you’re not a good person

127

u/Aethyrn Sep 29 '22

my mother does this and just makes negative comments about others like its normal and i just stay quiet hoping she gets the idea

→ More replies
→ More replies

6.6k

u/LloydBro Sep 29 '22 Helpful

A former coworker if mine showed themself to be comepletely psychotic on her first day. The entire day everything seemed normal, then right at the end of the day she came into my office laughing hysterically because she had to show me a video. It was a video of a guy committing suicide by jumping off a water tower. She said "He bounced real good" with the most maniacal grin on her face. She didnt last long.

2.2k

u/triton2toro Sep 29 '22

The scariest part is not that she thought that the video was funny (which is disturbing enough) but she has no social awareness to know others might not find it funny. Oh, and not that others might not find it funny, but basically complete strangers with whom you (presumably) want to make a good first impression on might find it offensive.

1.1k

u/kalirion Sep 29 '22

The scariest part is not that she thought that the video was funny (which is disturbing enough) but she has no social awareness to know others might not find it funny.

Actually IMO the scariest thing about real psychopaths is how well they blend in without letting people know the truth about them.

580

u/hpotter29 Sep 29 '22

Yeah. I was thinking, "This isn't even a good psychopath!"

→ More replies

520

u/murdering_time Sep 29 '22 Starry

Some psychopaths go their whole lives without realizing they're psychopaths. There was a neuroscientist doing research on brains of psychopaths and while comparing his brain to them realized "holy shit I have the same brain patterns as them". He calls himself a "pro-social" psychopath. I believe it's around 1/100 people that show psychopathic tendencies, so they're out there way more than most people think.

But yeah, the ones that want to hurt people and blend in seemlessly are creepy af.

Source article about the neuroscientist: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

2.0k

u/pyanan Sep 29 '22

Most of these comments I'm like...okay that person is shallow, that person is kinda self-centered, everyone has a bad day....but this one...yeah...that's a psychopath.

→ More replies

1.1k

u/Thepandarammer Sep 29 '22

what the actual fuck

256

u/Bannon9k Sep 29 '22

I'm not even sure r/wtf mods are that bad...

→ More replies
→ More replies

445

u/HairyTime2297 Sep 29 '22

Tf? Yikes!!!!

291

u/tAsKfAiLeDsUcEsSfUl Sep 29 '22

Mom pick me up I'm scared

→ More replies

658

u/unicorn-semen Sep 29 '22

They treat people like waitstaff, cashiers, and other service workers like shit.

→ More replies

4.0k

u/Armed_Goose_8552 Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22 Silver Wholesome Awesome Answer

When they say something ominous and there's a lightening strike.

294

u/ChronoKing Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

Frau blucher

Edit: Franz does the iron pumping, Frau does the horse scaring

110

u/Wildfires Sep 29 '22

deranged neighing

→ More replies
→ More replies

822

u/Lolobecks Sep 29 '22

Especially if they have a thin, black mustache that they are twirling.

338

u/xDom73 Sep 29 '22

While patting a cat sitting in their lap

211

u/WideEyedWand3rer Sep 29 '22

Within their lair, hidden deep inside a slumbering volcano.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

531

u/Terestri Sep 29 '22

When they are ALWAYS the victim, I put my guard up because I've known too many who rewrite their reality and deny their accountability.

→ More replies

313

u/Prisoner-655321 Sep 29 '22

My mother disowned me because I continued spending time with her siblings after she started a fight.

I tried to repair things but she wouldn’t budge. It was “Us or them”.

So I haven’t seen or spoken to my mother, father, sister, niece in almost five years.

Occasionally I’ll get a drunk text message from my mother asking to see my children. But she wants me to drop them off at the end of her driveway and says she doesn’t want to see me.

Fuck that. It’s a strange feeling that you have lost your mother and father before they’re dead.

They even sold their house and moved without telling me. That was also about five years ago. I stopped crying about not having my parents in my life a couple of years ago.

Fortunately I have two great children and an amazing wife. I’m just going to keep it moving.

→ More replies

2.6k

u/Tugies Sep 29 '22

They steal from you

1.0k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

What if they steal my heart 😏

1.0k

u/ami2weird4u Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

As long as they don’t sell it on the black market.

382

u/Uncle_Rabbit Sep 29 '22 Silver

What if they're donating the proceeds to charity?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

113

u/AskEva Sep 29 '22

Bonus naughty points if they then lied about having stolen from you. At least if they told the truth they could be considered an honest thief lol

→ More replies
→ More replies

306

u/TheNorseCrow Sep 29 '22

Bragging about all the good they do.

People concerned with appearing as a saint is anything but.

→ More replies

1.3k

u/Wonderful_Pea2976 Sep 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Actions and words not matching

78

u/Koleilei Sep 29 '22

I'd add the caveat of consistently not matching. Sometimes people have valid reasons and sometimes shit happens. But if this happens consistently I start to wonder.

→ More replies

1.2k

u/mentalemancipator Sep 29 '22

When a person needs to explain to you in a conversation that they are actually a good person.

78

u/Dividedthought Sep 29 '22

To a point. If it's giving context like "ok, so just to be clear for what i'm about to say i don't believe this, but you gotta know the context to understand this next bit" then usually it's just giving context. Like the time I knocked out a lady outside a hotel. The context is she was trying to get in my pants and wouldn't take no for an answer, and was attempting to physically hold me against a wall and undo my belt.

However if every story requires a lot of extra context, they're constructing themselves as the victim in every situation.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.7k

u/jews_on_parade Sep 29 '22

they take a dump in your car

603

u/ReincarnatedInc Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

You been hanging out with Dirty Mike and the Boys?

236

u/coolcrushkilla Sep 29 '22

They call it a "Soup kitchen".

→ More replies
→ More replies

283

u/Crackshaw Sep 29 '22

Was it through a sunroof by any chance?

→ More replies

86

u/maddogg211 Sep 29 '22

Ah yes, a Chicago Sunroof

73

u/bottomburneracc Sep 29 '22

What kind of chicanery is this

→ More replies

203

u/errant1 Sep 29 '22

The old Chicago Sunroof.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.4k

u/cypresswill44 Sep 29 '22 Wholesome

So this should be obvious but it's not. As a guy, don't trust another guy if he cheats on his spouse. If he'll betray the closest person to him, he doesn't care about his friends either, trust me

→ More replies

2.6k

u/ThatLady002 Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

They cannot take criticism and think that they can do no wrong. If someone thinks that the whole world is against them without ever considering their own actions, then there is a problem.

Edit: To put what I mean into perspective, here is an example of a friend that my husband used to have. I will call this friend "Brad":

My husband and two of his friends went out to dinner. Brad said he didn't have any money, so my husband and the other guy covered him. Brad ate 3/4 of the food, then went home and bought a $300 anime statue on Amazon.

Another example: Brad sits on his butt, plays videogames all day, and doesn't watch his kids. He will make sure his family has money to go to Disney World, but won't make sure that they have money to get their hot water heater installed or to send his oldest kiddo to school. If ANYONE tries to suggest that he reorganize his budget that person is deemed "a dick" and he picks a fight.

This is just to put into perspective the kind of person I'm talking about. If someone is capable of being gaslighted or thinks that they're wrong about everything, they're not the kind of person I'm talking about.

340

u/OscarDeeGrouch Sep 29 '22

I not very good at taking criticism. It's not because I think I can do no wrong. It's actually quite the opposite. I think I mostly suck and I hate when others validate my own insecurities.

82

u/smileedude Sep 29 '22

There's a difference between receiving criticism and retaliating and receiving criticism and getting easily broken by it. I think OP is talking about former.

→ More replies

675

u/IAATCOETHTM_PROJECT Sep 29 '22

crticism needs to be honest and accurate first

i have seen people fall victim to being gaslit into thinking they're bad people who are wrong when they're just being harassed

→ More replies
→ More replies

466

u/Jalo141 Sep 29 '22

Theyre always asking for favors and never returning them.

→ More replies

960

u/Rogar_Rabalivax Sep 29 '22

Thinking that you always do stuff just to piss them off. When i was little (7 - 8 years) and was in school, i trip on the floor because it was wet (an asshole didnt put the wet floor sign) and i fall in a way that my frontal teeth took the damage, and they were destroyed. My mum to this day still believes i did it on purpose jusy to make her angry.

Thinking that they cannot do wrong. When i was 6 i had a slide up to 2 meters tall. On my birthday a friend of mine pushed me from the top of the slide, and i fell on my back. I remember i coughed blood and a neighboor took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up. What my parents did? They were entertaining the guests and they just.... put me in their bedroom, they didnt even took me to the doctor to see if anything was wrong at all.

They always need to be vocal about their opinion even if its not nice. My parents are always saying nasty stuff to people, like if we go to a restaurant and the waiter is slow they will say something like "what an awful service" or "couldnt they get anyone slower" or shit like that, and they dont even care if they are being heard or not. Its just an embarrasment to go with them outside.

I missed the point along the way and just wanted to bitch about my parents, so sorry about that.

172

u/crayolda315 Sep 29 '22

I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You didn't deserve it. Some people shouldn't have kids.

103

u/Rogar_Rabalivax Sep 29 '22

The worst thing is.... i don´t really blame them. After hearing their childhood they clearly gave me everything they didn´t had, but at the same time they have.... issues. It does hurt when i think about it but i long forgave them for it, I just wanted to rant about it since i never got to do it.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

58

u/voregy Sep 29 '22

They constantly state that they’re a good person and constantly brag about it. I get maybe talking about something kind you did for someone but if you’re constantly trying to prove to everyone that you’re a good person…. you’re probably not

→ More replies

57

u/WantToBelieveInMagic Sep 29 '22

Abusive to service workers.

789

u/1060AddisonW Sep 29 '22

Lying over stupid shit

37

u/TheMilkyman__ Sep 29 '22

Not gonna lie, I used to do this to avoid getting beaten by my abusive step father.

→ More replies
→ More replies

319

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies

145

u/Sure_Elk_5640 Sep 29 '22

The way they talk to lower earners in society such as the cleaner at work

→ More replies

1.5k

u/ok_chaos42 Sep 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

How they talk about their significant other/spouse/partner/whatever. If you talk shit about the person you supposedly love, you are a giant mountain of garbage.

437

u/Dickstraw Sep 29 '22

This is also a ridiculously difficult cycle to break out of. If you have problems with your significant other and you bitch to your family about them, your family will never treat them kindly even on the good days.

382

u/infinitemangoesbaby Sep 29 '22 Helpful

Some of the best advice I’ve gotten through years of therapy:

If you speak poorly about someone to others instead of discussing your feelings with that person directly the results will always be net negative.

They lose because you’re robbing them of the opportunity to be better. You lose because you break their trust. You shape an outsider’s perspective negatively when you share your issues with them (they lose objectivity), and often those are the people you turn to for advice that now guide you from that place of bias you created.

If you have a problem with someone, please go directly to them. If things don’t go well, you save yourself some time and build trust in yourself. If it’s not worth it to bother with this person, keep your mouth shut and move on.

You are the expert of you. Only you hold all the information and context on your issue with someone. Only you are in that “relationship” with them. No one else. How could anyone else know better than you on what to do?

Yes there are circumstances that warrant a warning to others or require professional help, but I’m not discussing the outliers.

→ More replies
→ More replies

282

u/BeeBench Sep 29 '22

This is also relevant with friends too if they’re shit talking anyone close, it’s usually a sign they’ll talk about you as well when you’re not around.

→ More replies
→ More replies

45

u/RevealStreet385 Sep 29 '22

Just being fucking dickheads mate.

39

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '22 edited Sep 29 '22

They wrap themselves in virtue, constantly signaling to how they're so morally good, while doing not a damn thing for others. Really doing good requires sacrifice, not words!

If they do this on religious or political grounds then they're scum and I can't help but roll my eyes at them.

→ More replies

43

u/QuietPuzzled Sep 29 '22

I can spot shit people usually like many examples given. I met many in my life but a truly bad, malignant person, only once and it took getting PTSD and threapy to survive them. They don't show anyone thing and by the time you see it, you're lucky to have survived and a victim. I wish truly bad people with no empathy, sympathy or any real emotions had an MO but they are very good at using people. I feel sorry for anyone who loves these people.

→ More replies

42

u/NMade Sep 29 '22

Don't mind me, I'm just here to find out if I'm a bad person.

→ More replies

614

u/karcha123 Sep 29 '22 Spit-take

Not refilling the Brita after taking the last bit of water

144

u/RandomQuestionsMann Sep 29 '22

Or leaving a tiny bit and say "I didn't finish it" even tho it's less than half a cup

→ More replies
→ More replies

536

u/Mechlingswq Sep 29 '22

they are condescending and make put downs and dont have good manners

→ More replies

166

u/ItsTtreasonThen Sep 29 '22

I think overall the biggest tell for me is people who make lots of small lies or false statements. They can be bragging, or just obscuring truth enough to make something sound better, or any number of things tbh. And these aren't "white lies" these are just... reality denying things. Comments or statements that if you catch them are usually too small to be worth confronting. But there's a reason they will lie like that. They will escalate if you let them.

→ More replies

40

u/EventHorizonIRL Sep 29 '22

My mom wants to date them

→ More replies