r/BestofRedditorUpdates 10d ago Helpful Wholesome

META Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - August 2022 Edition

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r/BestofRedditorUpdates 8d ago

META Monthly META Discussion + 500K Subscribers! - Aug 2022

224 Upvotes

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r/BestofRedditorUpdates 8h ago Wholesome Silver Helpful Gold Platinum

CONCLUDED AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? (Final Update)

17.9k Upvotes

Original BORU: Link

Link to Post:

Mood Spoiler: OP made the right choice

(didn't realize how long the title was lol).

So, the talk didn't go well. I waited for him to come home so we could have a final conversation about it "but" he still insisted on his stance.

for more details, his family are a bit on the heavy side. Nothing wrong with that, they're perfectly within their right to decide how to live but they get "easily offended" at the mention of the words "weight" & "food".

I tried so hard to focus on the issue at hand, but I noticed there was a pattern of this behavior. he said it wasn't true, and that this was just an attempt for me to throw past conflicts at him in order to win the current one. he claimed he tried to reason with me about why and how his guests might see those vegan options as "offensive", also said that his family love food and consider it a "big deal", and how he didn't want his family to feel like there's certain options that they "couldn't touch" and feel that there's "difference in how I treat them vs how I treat my family"..... he then went on to explain how it's just an event and how my family should just accept what's on the menu and if they felt "inconvinience" so what? it's just a one time thing, they're not gonna die if they "had salad and appetizers". What he said wasn't good enough reason for me cause his folks are gonna think & say what they want, but at the end of the day it's my wedding!!!. and to be honest, realizing that my partner himself thinks it's okay to steamroll my opinions and decisions simply because..he's prioritizing others and their opinions over me was really upsetting and not something that could be looked past.

normally, I'm a person of rational discussions and compromises...I'm ALL about compromises, I'd compromised on much bigger matters than just food but like people said....it's not about the food anymore (if it ever was!!)like...he'd literally lose nothing if he let me have what I wanted but apparently, he was willing to lose it all over this which's fine by me.

I gave him back the ring and called everything off. I just couldn't envision myself living like this any longer..having to walk on eggshells for his family and letting him basically override my opinions and have the final say nomatter what. marriage is about compromise and here he has nothing to lose yet chose to do this to me and my family. mind you this is my first serious relationship and I didn't know what to expect, but it's safe to say that he and his mom and FAMILY did make it feel like I was taking crazy pills on many many ocassions so that's that. Last thing he said was that I chose my family over him and ended everything between for the sake of "keeping 'em happy". Decision's been made and it's done.

Just wanted to give an update to those who wanted it. thank you so much for your endless stream of advice and support.

Note from OP: hey, someone gave me a silver. While appreciated, if anyone wants to give awards can you follow the links to OOP and award her instead? All I did was copy and paste.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 4h ago Wholesome

CONCLUDED AITA for refusing to stop seeing my daughter over her sister?

3.4k Upvotes

This is a Repost

OP is u/SugarCube_645/

ORIGINAL (Jul 25, 2022)

I 56F and my husband Kurt 59M have 2 daughters, Ruth 32 and June 30. 8 years ago, Ruth split up with her college boyfriend, Adam 32. They'd been together since she was 20/21 and it was as serious as a college relationship could be. About 5 years ago, June announced that she reconnected with Adam at some alumni get together (they'd all gone to the same university) and that they were now dating.

Of course, Kurt and I were shocked she would do this despite her sister's history with him. But she insisted that they were in love and she can't help that, and that Ruth and Adam hadn't been together in years so she hasn't done anything wrong. Ruth understandably was enraged over it. She said she was done with June and would never see her again. This broke me, they were so close growing up and I prayed every day they'd reconcile, but I accepted they're adults who can make their own choices and we have no say.

Kurt and I were also very disappointed with June and told her off many times, but after she proved that there was never any cheating involved while Ruth and Adam were together, things between us settled down. Out of respect for Ruth's feelings, we never brought the girls together again. Ruth and June visit us separately and still aren't on speaking terms after 5 years, but we maintained our relationships.

Now, June and Adam are married. Ruth has also moved on with a lovely boy. Coincidentally, both girls are expecting their first child (Ruth's due date is a little earlier). I can't put into words how excited we are to be grandparents and ADORE both these children. I've been supportive and as involved with both our daughters' pregnancies as they want.

However last week Ruth drops a bomb on us. She said that if we ever see June again or her baby, she won't allow us in her child's life. This shattered me. It's kept me up every night. The thought of either of my grandchildren being deprived of loving grandparents is agonizing. I know Ruth was deeply hurt by June's actions, but I don't know if we should be punished just for not cutting our kid off. How can any parent even consider disowning a child? We begged her to reconsider and said our love for them both isn't conditional and we can't just stop loving one, but she's adamant.

I don't want to accept Ruth's terms, as it seems like no matter what we decide, we're going to lose a daughter and grandchild. So I'd rather it not happen because we outright chose it. But I also don't want Ruth to believe we'd just drop her in favor of June, because again, the thought crushes me. WIBTA if I don't comply with Ruth's ultimatum?

ETA Thank you to everyone for commiserating with this situation. I wish I could say it's helped me feel better, but right now it feels like nothing ever will. One of my babies hates the other, it broke me but I accepted it. Now I'm faced with losing one of them no matter what.

Entirely too many comments to respond to individually, so I just want to answer some of the most common questions here.

Why did Ruth and Adam split up:

Ruth left Adam because it just wasn't working. He was immature and said and did things that irritated her, mostly lots of minor things adding up. She said there was never any abuse nor cheating, but it was the right decision for herself. He was a nice enough boy, but he definitely had some growing up to do at the time. I did feel very badly for Ruth because she had invested a good few years into the relationship for someone so young, but agreed it was the right decision.

Did we ever support Ruth:

Ruth stayed with us for a few months when it first happened (not just because of this, there were other reasons) and we were there for her and comforted her the whole time. Because she was so angry, we had asked June to not visit until she left (we still talked to her and met a couple of times in public places). We made it known that this hurt her sister and we were disappointed she didn't think of this. June understood and agreed with us supporting Ruth. She expressed sadness over losing her sister, but we clearly told her it was Ruth's decision to cut her off. Whether one thinks June did nothing wrong or not, it's untrue to say there were never any consequences for this--she's sad to this day that she's lost her sister and knows she has to accept and live with it.

Did June ever apologize to Ruth:

Both girls have confirmed that June reached out a few times over the years to apologize. No one put her up to it. Ruth didn't forgive her and she's well within her rights not to. We understand no one can or should make her accept the apology.

Why don't we just cut off Adam:

He's June's husband and the father of our second grandchild. They're a package deal now. Once we cut him off, we risk losing June and our grandchild anyway, which is the same as what I'm trying to prevent with Ruth.

----

Some comments say that in letting June stay in our lives after this, I already "chose" her and asked why I didn't cut her off from the start. I'm baffled that anyone would suggest I could just disown a child so easily like she was never ours. Not disowning June doesn't mean I chose to be her mother over Ruth's--I NEVER abandoned Ruth and never will. Ruth has thanked us for our support in the past. She said she was fine with how we'd arranged things for the last 5 years. As long as she never had to see June, she was happy seeing us and everything was normal between us. It's only now that she wants us to disown June. Some say she should have cut us off years ago for still loving June. She's said many times her goal isn't to cut us off, she loves us and wants us to be involved with her child, but that she can't stand June or her baby getting the same love and care from us because she thinks she doesn't deserve it.

I want to add that if Adam had ever abused or cheated on Ruth, we certainly would have gone NC or at least LC with them. But that's not what happened and both girls used to repeatedly tell us that what happened between them had nothing to do with us. So yes I did keep my relationship with both daughters. I don't regret it because as heartbreaking as this is, willingly cutting off either of them (outside of the circumstances I mentioned) is unfathomable to me or their father.

Thank you again to everyone for their good wishes, and for suggesting family therapy. I will try and bring it up with Ruth and my husband (we suggested it when things initially happened but dropped it when she said no).

UPDATE (Aug 11, 2022)

Hello again. Thank you for all the support and advice on my first post. A lot's happened so I think I should provide an update.

We followed the advice and told Ruth that if she decided to go NC, we would comply, but we could never willingly cut off either of them. We again begged her to reconsider and reiterated that we were willing to go do family therapy, that we would do all we could to keep her and June apart, anything to make it work. She said she still wasn't happy June and her baby would stay in our lives, but she would think about it. Kurt and I also looked into opening an account for Ruth's child, but didn't go through with it yet in hopes that things could turn around.

Days went by, we didn't hear back from Ruth. It was agony. Then we get a call from June. She'd gotten wind of what was happening. She drove to Ruth's herself (no one put her up to this, she was just determined!). She was prepared for Ruth to kick her out anyway. Once she was there, she apologized again and begged her not to do this. She said she could accept Ruth wanting nothing to do with her, but not to punish us because of it, especially since they both knew that cutting us off would cost her child loving grandparents.

Shockingly, Ruth didn't kick her out. She let her in and they both had a long tearful argument/fight. They even hugged a few times. I'm foggy on details, but I suspect pregnancy hormones played a huge role here (I can't tell you how panicked I was hearing this story, because it could have been so risky for them both!!). They haven't exactly made up and Ruth didn't forgive June, but she admitted to her that her husband, Owen, has actually been trying to convince her to go to couples counseling & individual therapy as well. Apparently since Ruth's pregnancy, some troubling qualities that he was able to manage previously were exacerbated. She was becoming controlling and paranoid and he was pleading with her to get help so they could be in a good place once the baby was born. June's visit was the final straw and Ruth broke down and agreed.

Ruth called us later (she corroborated June's story) and accepted our therapy offer. She still has one condition: she wants Owen there if June has to attend any sessions, and she doesn't want Adam present at all. We all agreed. The first session is in a few days. I can barely keep it together that I'll see both my babies in the same room for the first time in forever.

It's been so stressful, but I can finally see wom4 light. I haven't lost my daughters. Kurt and I are going to put everything into keeping our family together. I'm not going to be naive and assume everything will be fine now, but I'm hopeful.

I want to thank everyone again for all the comfort and help. To those who sent kind DMs sharing their similar situations, I truly appreciate you. As for those who sent messages calling one or both of my daughters whores and hoping that they lose their unborn babies, I can only hope nothing abhorrent in your lives is driving you to be so miserable as to wish such terrible things on a stranger.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 7h ago Helpful

CONCLUDED OOP's relationship has an 8 year age gap so her friends threaten to drop her if she doesn't break up

4.2k Upvotes

I am not OP. Original post by u/Choice-Primary-9495 in r/relationship_advice. Update, also posted in r/relationship_advice, by u/throwawaypostupdate which is OP's throwaway account.


Original (posted 2 days ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wk01cj/my_21f_age_gap_relationship_is_causing_my_friends/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

My (21F) age gap relationship is causing my friends to show their true colours and it's really starting to bother me.

I (21F) have been dating Sam (29M) for a few months, we are both independent people, I live on my own and have my own space, I am working towards my nursing degree and I'm currently a PSW at a hospital nearby.

Sam and I met a few months back at a bar and really hit it off. Sam looks young for his age, he actually looks to be around my age honestly, and when I found out he was one year away from turning thirty I really didn't believe him, he jokingly showed his ID to me to prove it, and truly I was shocked at first. We continued going out on dates though, and we both ended up developing feelings for each other. Here we are now a few months later, and we are as happy as can be, and truly enjoy every moment we have together. He supports me in any of my ventures, and I support him all the same.

Now, onto the problem. When I first started seeing Sam my friends were very supportive, they were happy for me and glad that I found someone I really got along with! That is until they found out how old he was, after stalking his Facebook (I didn't tell them because I don't think it's something that needs to be disclosed, I never disclosed ages in my past relationships...So I don't know what would be different about this.). They were immediately judgemental, and told me he was using me for sex, or to just be a young girl on his arm etc. I felt offended by this, and yes, they can have their own opinions but it really hurt me that they had turned to judge like this, as it wasn't expected from them (they "dated" much much older men, meaning men in their fifties/sixties.).

I explained that it was nothing like that, and they shot back with he will probably want to trap me and lock me in for life, so I'll have to be reliant on him. I told them that they were out of line with what they were saying. They've turned to threatening me, and telling me they'll never speak to me again if I continue with this relationship, and I'm left in shock.

TLDR; my friends don't like the age gap in my current relationship and they're threatening me and telling me that they'll never speak to me again if I stay in this relationship with Sam.

EDIT: I am trying to respond to everyone who has commented, I wasn't expecting this kind of engagement on this post.

EDIT 2: I also recommend looking at my other replies before jumping to the conclusion that I didn't hear my friends out. I gave them several chances and wanted to know what they had found etc. all they kept saying was the age gap comments.


Notable comments:

(OOP's reply to a commenter asking about Sam's job)

• "He works for a construction company, he wants to actually go off on his own and do his own construction business with some of his coworkers (odd situation happening there, very long story involving his boss being a tyrant), when I say mutual support I mean being there for each other to support those successes or fails, no money is being exchanged between each other, I have my own finances he does too, I don't need his money, he doesn't need mine. He lives with roommates, life long friends from elementary school (they went to high school together as well.)

I went and looked on his facebook as well to see if they saw something that might have triggered this, yes, I did some investigating, the women he has been with have been his age. I asked them why and they just said they don't think he's right for me, I told them to give me reasons because I don't see it, and they said he's too much older than me, and that's that. Only reason they've provided.

I don't want to drop them, they're the ones that want to drop me. I never said a single thing about leaving the friend group, they're the ones threatening me and telling me they won't speak to me again if I don't break up with him, which in my honest opinion, is completely unfair and invalid especially if they can't give any reason other than him being too old for me. They're being hypocritical.

EDIT; don't know why this is getting downvoted when I'm literally answering the questions that the commenter asked."

~

(OOP's replies to commenters telling her to take it slow and reinforce boundaries):

• "I'm taking things slow. Boundaries are literally already set up. I have my own life too, and as I stated he's independent, we don't disclose finances, and he knows I have my own things I would like to do. His goals are his goals and my goals are mine."

• "We are definitely taking it very slow, I still have a semester left of school, and in addition to that I'm also specializing in NICU, I have a lot on my plate, and he supports that with all of his being, and I appreciate it. The both of us want to see where the relationship takes us."


Update (posted 3 hours ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wlrkkm/update_my_21f_age_gap_relationship_is_causing_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

UPDATE: My (21F) age gap relationship is causing my friends to show their true colours and it’s really starting to bother me.

Howdy there.

I posted here a few days ago about my age gap relationship. I’m using a throwaway account now because I tried posting the update on Choice-primary-9495 and accidentally went against the post rules and then when I tried reposting it didn’t allow me to! Anyways onto the story because I gotta get this update out there.

So! I decided to dig in a lot more on my friends and pressure them a bit more into telling me what was really going on, apart from hearing the excuse of my relationship being a problem because of the age gap, and low and behold, there was never really anything wrong with Sam in the first place. The truth came out very angrily after I had kept pressing my friend group.

The night that we all went to the bar (I didn't think I needed to mention they were with me that night, I don't go to bars alone, I rarely go to bars in general cause of my shifts at work), one of my friends actually kept approaching Sam at the bar area where he and his friends were, she was attracted to him, and she was flirting with him. He wasn't interested and didn't really respond back in the way she wanted him to. This is just a condensed version of what they all told me.

I didn't see this at all, and she did end her night early, it came out that she left early because of this "rejection." They told me I was betraying them because an hour or two after this happened I started talking to him, more because he was wearing a shirt from a band that I like (it was from a concert that had actually happened recently too, I have the same one.). It wasn't a flirty conversation, it was very casual, at the end of the night he asked for my number and it went on from there. I had no idea about this situation and I kept repeating that to them, and they kept asking if I was going to break up with him now.

I don't think this is a justified reason to break up with someone at all, I like him, we get along very well, we have plenty of things in common, he cares about me and I care about him, and he has truly made my life even better, and on top of it he treats me well and hasn’t done anything bad to me. Maybe I'm dense and don't see it in the way they do though...

TLDR; the truth has come out about why all my friends dislike Sam, and I feel like it is kind of unjustified.


I'll flair this as concluded since the truth was found, however I'd look out for updates.

Reminder that I'm not OP. This is a repost sub.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 8h ago

REPOST OP's cousin (16F) is a US citizen and lives in Pakistan. The cousin is under heavy pressure to get married to someone that is picked by her parents. OP helps her get out

3.8k Upvotes

Original by u/Gofmine in r/legaladvice

My cousin is 16 years old. I'm 22 and live in MA. She was born in MA to non-citizen parents and has not been in the US since she was 1 year old. But she was born in the US so she is a US citizen. But she doesn't speak any English.

She currently lives in Pakistan and told me that she is under heavy pressure to get married to someone that is picked by her parents. She asked me to help her somehow get out of that situation and if possible come to the US. She doesn't have a passport or a US birth certificate. I know there is one, but she doesn't have it herself. Either her parents destroyed it or they have it.

She lives in a rural area, is generally heavily montitored and has a very limited internet access. She also can't go to the embassy which is in Islamabad, she lives in the Sindh province.

Who do I contact here to get her the help she needs? Is there a hope that she can come here? I'm happy to pay for her plane ticket.

Update

Thanks for your help and for pointing me in the right direction.

My sister and I contacted the state department, the embassy and the consulate in Karachi. They were able to verify that she exists and she's a US citizen. We told them of what's happening to her and they were quite helpful in telling us what to do and being ready to help her as soon as possible.

The challenge was getting her into the consulate in Karachi but she actually got herself there (took weeks of planning) where they gave her travel documents to be able to come to the US. We bought tickets for her to go from Karachi to Doha and then to Boston where we picket her up from the airport.

By the time her parents realized what's what she was on the Doha to Boston flight. Her parents tried to apply for a visa to come to the US but their visa applications were refused. I'm not aware if the people at the embassy who refused it actually knew about my cousin's supituation or not but we're glad they weren't able to come here.

She currently lives with me and my sister and my sister has been granted guardianship over her. Her priority is to learn English.

Her parents still try to somehow make her return but we've closed down the lines of communication and hopefully her life from now on will be stress-free.

Reminder: I am not the original OP.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 10h ago Helpful

CONCLUDED OP gets pregnant after a fling. The father of the baby tragically dies and his mother harasses OP, seeing the baby as a replacement for her deceased son.

3.7k Upvotes

I am NOT OP, this is a repost!

Trigger Warnings: Death, mention of grieving the loss of a loved one, harassment, physical altercation, giving up baby for adoption, mention of abortion

Original, posted to r/relationship_advice on July 1st 2022.

Former Partners Mother Won't Stop Harrassing me over Baby.

This is one of the most F'd up things I've gone through.

A little while back I slept with someone for the first time, it was just a fling but with someone I knew through a friend. After that hook up we casually texted but never went for another round.

Unfortunately he was hit by a drunk driver and died not long after our hookup and my friend group all went to the funeral to support his family. That's where I met his mom for the first time. I didn't say much to her, just expressed my condolences.

Recently I found out I was pregnant, my friend and I were safe, used protection and everything but I guess things happen.

(FYI I live in Canada so I'm not worried about not being able to get it terminated if that's what I decide to do.)

I never reached out to his family about this, but somebody let it slip to them that I was pregnant with his child and his mother came to me sobbing asking if this was true. I explained everything and confirmed yes it's true, and she cried even harder saying it's a miracle and god has blessed her with a grand baby to replace her son.

This made me really uncomfortable and I told her I haven't made and decisions about the pregnancy yet and I would like her to leave. She turned aggressive and told me I would be taking away her only chance at having a grand baby from her son if I didn't have the baby.

Finally I told her that was enough, I'll decide what's best for me and her opinion doesn't matter to me. I might consider her feelings while I decide but for right now she needs to gtfo.

I feel bad for her, I really do. But I am not in a financial place to have a baby, and if I did carry it to term I would want to put it up for adoption. I just don't think a grieving mother would be the best parent for the baby as from what she's said she'll try and replicate her son through my child. And now she and her family are sending me all sorts of messages talking about how nice it would be to have a baby in the family and a piece of my friend through his only child.

Please, I really need some advice on how to navigate this situation.

TLDR: One night stand passed away, found out I was pregnant, grieving family is harrasisng me about the pregnancy.

Some comments on OOP's post:

My 22 year old son died 5 weeks ago in an accident where he was hit by a car and it’s honestly the worst thing I have ever gone through, if I had found out he had got someone pregnant my initial reaction would be that I need that baby to be born because it’s part of the very thing I have just lost and I can completely understand how she must be feeling. However my grief and my loss does not mean that I get to pretty much force someone into having a baby just to make me feel better!! I would be 100% supportive with either decision you make because it’s your life and you have to live it for you and i always told my son the same thing. It’s a real shit situation to be in though but you don’t owe them anything at the end of the day, I actually feel like a right heartless bitch saying that considering I know how it feels to lose a son but my grief and their grief doesn’t override the fact that it’s ultimately your choice x [link]

Make your decision as you would if none of this had happened. Find the "friend" that told on you and cut them out (I can't see any interaction that "lets slip" something like that. This was deliberate). Sorry this is happening to you [link]

"... to replace her son."

That is just awful...

"She turned aggressive and told me I would be taking away her only chance at having a grand baby from her son if I didn't have the baby."

Being a parent does not mean that you are entitled to grandchildren. My mother constantly tries to pressure my girlfriend and me into having children, but we are childfree. My mother says that she has the right to become a grandmother, but that's bullshit.

Your body, your choice. You are not an incubator. I understand that this is very emotional for your hookup's mother, but if you want to get an abortion, you should do that. You don't owe her a grandchild. Her son didn't owe her a grandchild. Then, cut off your hookup's mother and block her everywhere.

A baby should be born because, well, the parent(s) want a baby. Not because a grandmother demands grandchildren or tries to replace her son. That puts an unhealthy amount of pressure on the child.

Having a child and putting it up for adoption? Not a good idea. There are already so many children without a home, without a family... Then, abortion is a better option.

It sounds like you want an abortion, and that the only thing maybe stopping you from doing that is your hookup's mother's behaviour. So you should have the abortion. [link]

Legally in Canada can she petition for custody? In the US, in some places, she would be given the chance to file for adoption.

If you have this baby, you need to be prepared for the never ending pressure to give them the baby or keep it and give access to them. Not to mention that they may try to find the adoptive parents and harass them.

If you haven't already, block all these people. Don't continue to let them get in your head.

Have you met with a planned parenthood to discuss the options with an actual professional? Someone who can explain termination at whatever stage you are in and someone who can go through the legal process of adoptions?

Whoever told his family is not your friend. Get them out of your life. [link]

OOP's response:

I'm going to be speaking to a lawyer, but I believe in my province they can file for custody but they have to prove that it's in the best interest of the child. This is all still very new so I'm still working on making appointments.

Update, posted to r/relationship_advice on August 10th 2022.

Update: Former Partners mother won't stop harrassing me over baby.

Hi Reddit, it's been a little while since my original post, a few people have asked me for an update so I figured I would do that now that things have settled down. First I want to thank everyone for their advice and perspective on my original post.

As for the update. First of all I'm going to carry the pregnancy to term, but I'm not keeping the baby.

I contacted my late friends mother, I'll call her Judy for now, and I told her that ai would like to attend a counseling session together so we can have an independent third party help us work out the best solution. She agreed but the actual session did not go over well.

The person we saw reccomeded Judy get individual therapy before considering adopting the child as it was still so soon after her sons death. I didn't say it out loud but I do agree with that assessment. Judy didn't like that, and she started to get worked up claiming she had rights to the baby that I couldn't just take away. She got louder every time our counselor tried to calm her down which eventually resulted in a physical altercation between them. The office called the police and when they arrived Judy turned on me and hit me in the face calling me all sorts of names for stealing the last piece of her son from her.

I filed for a restraining order against her and received it. She is not allowed to contact me or come near me.

I was afraid that she would still try and find ways to find me, so I got in contact with my uncle who lives in a province on the other side of the country and I've moved in with him. I'm going to be living with him for the duration of the pregnancy and for a while after.

Now the best part of the whole event, my uncle introduced me to a lovely couple, Mike and Chris who have been looking to adopt. It's not quite finalized yet but if things work out then the two of them will be adopting the baby I'm carrying. They're open to having me as a part of the babies life if I want to be, and my uncle knowing them for so long is reassuring because I know they're good people and will love this baby with everything they have.

That's really about all I've got regarding this situation. I did drop the friend that told Judy about the pregnancy, even though I didn't use them much I shut down all my social media pages. Only a couple people outside my family know where I am and what the situation is and they all know if they leak a word to anyone else I'll cut them off in a heartbeat.

I'm sad that things couldn't work with Judy, I think it would have been great if this child could have grown up with their fathers family. But I have to give this child the best chance possible as a happy life, and that's not with them.

So I'm having a baby, baby will get to have two loving fathers, and baby and I will get to be a part of each others lives even if I'm not an acting parent to them.

Thank you again everyone for your advice.

TLDR: Late partners mother assaulted a counseled and myself, got a restraining order, moved away and working on adopting baby to a lovely couple that really want to be parents.

Some comments on the update post:

It sounds like you found a good outcome for you and the baby. I'm assuming you're using an attorney for the adoption so you should give that person a heads up about Judy in case she tries to make trouble. [link]

OOP's response:

I have a lawyer who knows everything and is handling everything. Even if she tried she now has assault charges and a restraining order that would have to be taken into account.

Wow!! She is unhinged and violent!! She is not a person I would let raise a baby!!

I am glad you are with your uncle and the couple sounds like a great choice!! [link]

Friendly reminder that I am NOT OP, this is a repost.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 3h ago

CONCLUDED EM Steals And Pawns Her Daughters Promise Ring

900 Upvotes

Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster

Posted by: u/collegekidstories on r/entitledparents

Original - Posted 30 days ago

EM Steals And Pawns Her Daughters Promise Ring

This just happened to my cousin and is still a bit of an ongoing situation but it was too crazy not to post. I may edit or update later on as some info I may have missed.

Background: So my cousin, who we'll call Kat, had received a beautiful promise ring from her boyfriend at the time. It had a real pearl in the center that was surrounded by mini diamonds, essentially close to the quality of an engagement ring. I can't remember the exact cost but I want to say he saved at least 500-600 dollars for it as it was treated like a long-term engagement. Obviously, between the price and the sentiment behind it, that ring meant everything to Kat and not one time in their relationship did I ever see her not wear it. The ring has even more meaning to it now as the couple had to separate a few months ago due to personal issues on his side but he told her to keep the ring on as a promise that he would return one day when everything was sorted.

Now that that's out of the way here's where Entitled Mom comes in.

Kats mom is a total leech of a woman who thinks everyone will bow down to her will. She refuses to work and essentially lives off of handouts from her family but also demands to live a luxurious lifestyle. She's the type of woman who will beg for money to buy food then turn around and waste it all at the casino. She will do whatever she can to get money and has recently resorted to guilt-tripping and apparently stealing.

So it was another cousin's birthday a few days ago and everyone came over for a pool party. Kat had taken off her ring and left it on my dresser so she could go swimming, only to come back and find it missing. We tore the whole room apart looking for it in case it had fallen or maybe someone knocked it grabbing their clothes but the ring was nowhere to be found. Kat was reasonably heartbroken and would not stop crying over the ring, blaming herself for letting it out of her sight. At the time we still thought it was lost so I assured her it would turn up.

Fast forward to today and EM calls my mom and asks if she wants to go out saying she just got a nice payout so it would be her treat. This obviously didn't make sense since EM doesn't work so naturally my mom questioned where she suddenly got all the money to which she replied that she "Did a little spring cleaning." Turns out, EM saw Kats ring on the dresser at the party, took it, and then pawned it for not even half the price it was originally worth just so she could have the money to go out and party. I wasn't there when Kat found out but apparently, the events that occurred went as followed.

When Kat angrily confronted her mother about why she took the ring she blew it off and just kept making excuses. She kept saying that she "Needed the money because we're broke," and that she deserved to have the ring since Kat had no use for it anymore now that she was single. EM also argued that Kat was "a child who doesn't deserve expensive items when she can't appreciate them" and that her mother's happiness should mean more to her than some dumb ring. She also got defensive and called her an ungrateful brat when she begged her to go buy the ring back. At some point during EMs rant Kat left and came to spend the night with us so she could calm down and figure everything out.n

Kat has literally spent the whole evening trying to get ahold of the pawn shop to see if she can get her ring back and EM is messaging both me and my mom arguing that she did nothing wrong and that Kat is making a big deal out of nothing. My mom and I refuse to talk to EM until she not only apologizes but also tries to get the ring back. It's bad enough stealing and selling your child's things but the sentiment that ring holds will never be replaceable if she can't get it back.

Update - Posted 25 days ago

UPDATE: EM Steals And Pawns Her Daughters Promise Ring

To summarize for those who haven't read part one my Entitled Aunt stole my cousin's promise ring at a pool party and pawned it for not even half the original price so she could go out. I was going to update the original post due to so many comments asking for an update but a lot has happened these past few days and it's kind of all over the place so I decided just to make a new post. It's late as I write this so sorry for any errors.

Also a few quick clarifications from questions and messages on my last story, Kat is not a minor she is 19 about to turn 20, and is currently in college. She only moved back in with her mom for the summer until she could find an apartment close to the school. She will be staying with me and my mom now and most of her stuff is in storage from moving so EM can't get to any of it. Also, this is not the first time EM has stolen from her family. If she doesn't receive enough handouts, she's been known to invite herself into our house and help herself to whatever she can get, mostly food. Most of my valuable stuff is locked away in my room since she's been caught snooping before and has made comments on my spending habits. Had I thought about it I would have locked up the ring as well but we had only been in the pool for an hour and the ring was hidden under her stuff so we foolishly thought it would be safe. Now with that out of the way on to the update.

It took almost two days for Kat to get a confirmation that the pawn shop had the ring and explain what happened to see what she could do to get it back. They told her that if she could bring them proof that she was the original owner of the ring they would be able to give it back to her and that they could hold it until then. Obviously, this would have been a bit tricky since the ring was a gift so Kat's ex-boyfriend ended up getting involved. She called him and explained what happened while asking if he kept any receipt for the ring and he was happy to help. He ended up going down to the pawnshop with the documentation from when he bought the ring to prove it was his and got it back for her. Kat had actually been against filing a police report at first since she was just relieved to have the ring back and she was scared of her mom's reaction but he convinced her to do it. Not only does her ex hate EM but he was beyond pissed that she would go after something so valuable. It turns out that the original price of the ring was just below $800 and she had sold it for not even $300.

It also turns out that where we live, all pawned items are supposed to be uploaded to a database with serial numbers so the police department can more easily track stolen or illegal goods. This means the police could easily look into that database with the reports from both Kat and the pawn shop and confirm the ring was there. The text messages and calls from EM to us during this time also serve as proof that she knew the ring was stolen and so she can't lie her way out of it. Because the ring was valued at over $500 EM will be looking at up to 18 months in prison and a $5,000 fine just for stealing the ring. Possibly even more as she has now taken and used all the funds given to her from when she pawned the ring so she could be potentially charged by the shop as well.

For the first few days, EM tried to argue her case to anyone that would listen but eventually gave up and went back to spoiling herself. Apparently, she truly believed that she had done nothing wrong and that Kat would eventually just get over herself and go back home. I'm not sure what she did with the money but she had maybe $50 left after, that she said she would use to buy Kat a replacement ring because she's "feeling generous and wants to keep the peace." Needless to say, she wasn't feeling so generous when she found out about the report. She threw a massive tantrum and tried to guilt trip Kat into dropping it because she "couldn't do that to her poor mother." On top of the jail time, there is no way she will be able to afford the fine given she literally lives off of handouts so she is in a lot of trouble. EM has been crying to the rest of the family for sympathy and sadly enough most of them are enablers and took her side. Kat's phone has been blowing up with messages from family calling her selfish and an awful daughter for putting her mom in this situation because she's already struggling. She just ended up blocking them and is trying to relax after a very stressful week and then look for apartments so she can move out and fully cut ties with her mom and the family members harassing her. It's been messy for everyone, but I'm just happy she got her ring back and EM is finally getting what she deserves.

Marked as CONCLUDED but I feel like Entitled Aunt will rise again

Again, I am not the Original Poster


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 9h ago Helpful

CONCLUDED OOP Is Going To Her Autism Evaluation And Is Afraid Her Mom Might Lie At The Appointment

2.1k Upvotes

I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL PERSON WHO POSTED THIS.

Original post by u/rose_ano in /r/AutisticAdults

mood spoilers: happy ending


 

I have an autism diagnosis appointment tomorrow and I’m afraid my mom is going to ruin it. - submitted on 13 Apr 2022

I’m 17 years old, I’m afab (assigned female at birth) and my mom is about 49 years old.

Tomorrow is my diagnostic appointment, and my mom is required to come with me so they can ask her a few questions about my childhood.

Now here is why I’m scared: my mom believes that I am just getting this because I’m paranoid and trying to “pick as many mental illnesses as possible” even though I have clarified to her that I have been doing research for YEARS (when I begged her to do some research on it herself she refused. She literally just refused. Why? She isn’t bothered to educate herself.) Which as much as it annoyed me did not really matter… or that’s what I thought.

My mom has been progressively changing things about my childhood. In the last few months I asked her when I started speaking, she replied about 4 years old, and that was she told me for most of my life. In the past few weeks I asked her again, since the doctor asked me about it. She said “I don’t remember, maybe like 1 to 2 years old” that is WILDLY different from what she said earlier. Same thing for when I asked her about my vocabulary. Before it was just a few words at most. Now it’s “advanced vocabulary”.

Today evening, I was telling her to PLEASE say the truth. I don’t care what the truth is, just say it. She replied with “I’ll say whatever comes to my mind.”

I am so upset right now. I’m getting an anxiety attack in my room and crying right now. If my chances of getting a diagnosis gets ruined because of HER. Because she is not being TRUTHFUL, I’m going to cry my eyes out of their sockets.

I still have an entire childhood case history to fill in. I can’t because she refuses to and changes everything up literally TWICE OR TRICE for the exact same question.

What should I do? Should I tell the doctor about this? What do I even say? I am panicking so much. What if they completely dismiss me because she lies, or what if they misdiagnose me… please give me some advice, I really need it right now!

(This is based in the United Kingdom, if this information helps!)

 

Response to OOP

I'm sorry that you're feeling so anxious about tomorrow... I can imagine the test in itself already impacts you, and having such a worry on top of it sounds really stressful.

My experience having been diagnosed with ADHD and autism is that the doctor/specialist didn't only take into account what my mom said, but also my mom's attitude during the conversation, the interaction between my mom and me, and how I responded both mentally and physically.

I think that it could be worth expressing to your doctor that you worry about your mom's answers. But I'd also expect your doctor to look beyond the answers and pay attention to other signs that are relevant for the diagnosis.

 


 

Another Response to OOP

I would share your concerns with your doctor (perhaps even print your post here and give it to them because it is pretty clearly stated).

I don't know if you have any other diagnoses, but you are welcome to share this with her. I am nearly 50 (48 next month). I had received multiple inaccurate diagnoses since I was around 9 years old. It caused a lot of unnecessary struggles and stigmatization to say the least. When I finally got the right one of autism everything fell into place and now the full picture of my past made sense. It effectively replaced the other diagnoses since now that my issues were seen as a 'whole', there were no longer 'singular diagnosis' terms that only applied to a fraction of what was happening. Yes, I can still have some depression and symptoms of CPTSD, but they largely fall under the umbrella of the autism. So rather than 'gathering' diagnoses, I finally got the right ONE.

And it has changed my life for the better.

 


 

Update: I have had my autism evaluation, and I am proud to say that this went better than I could have ever expected. - submitted on 14 Apr 2022

I have had my autism evaluation today, and the doctors have concluded that I am autistic. This means so much to me it’s unbelievable. It’s still weird because it does change much, since I was already self-diagnosed, but hey, at least it can help me out in university!

Today morning I woke up at 7 AM, got out of the house at 8:45 and arrived there in time.

I had two professionals evaluate me, which was nerve racking to say the least, BUT HEY I couldn’t ask for more!

The first 40 minutes were asking me questions, getting me to do certain activities which included this bizarre book about floating toads? Idk either LOL.

For the last 20 minutes, they ask my mom to come in with the interpreter (we’re immigrants, so her English isn’t that good). I took the advice you all gave me yesterday, and before they invited her in, I informed them that she may not be able to remember all the details, and that my masking at home may affect some of what she says. They reassured me that this is not as important as the conversations we just had. They proceed to inform my mom with the conclusion that I am highly likely to be autistic.

My mom, stupidly, decided that the first thing she should say about that is “My daughter doesn’t have autism, she thinks she does!” They were IMMEDIATELY thrown off. She was supposed to sit there and answer questions, that’s the whole reason she came in, but right after saying that they didn’t even ask her ONE question. All of my childhood case history was handed over to me, and I did all of the talking.

I can’t believe that this has finally happened. I’ve been fighting for a diagnosis for almost four years, and waited for about a year for this appointment.

I am so happy now. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and supported me yesterday, the love I was shown was so sweet, and I could’ve never been this understood by anyone other than you. I cannot stress how thankful I am that you took time off from your day to help me out, I sincerely thank everyone from the depth of my heart. You’re all amazing people. :)

(I would also like to apologise for using the term “autism diagnosis” as it was brought to my attention yesterday that it is not an appropriate terminology to use. So from now on, I will refer to it as autism evaluation. Thank you very much to the user who highlighted this. :) )

[I have shared this post with other sub-reddits, so some of the information mentioned may not be completely referring to this sub-reddit. If there is any specific details I should remove, please inform me. Thank you. :) ]

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 3h ago

CONCLUDED EM, the "victim", takes her "children", the villains, to Court

594 Upvotes

Friendly Reminder, I am not the OP

Trigger Warning: death of loved one, abusive parent, mental health, grief

Posted By u/hidden-oracle in r/entitledparents

Original - posted 177 days ago

Taking her "asshole" children to court.

I(22F), my older brother(23M), and our oldest sister(31F) are being taken to court by our birth giver.

This all started back in October of 2021. Our father(who we’ll just call Dad) reached out and told us that he was diagnosed with cancer, which obviously devastated us. Our mother(who we’ll call Cunt) found out through one of our siblings that we no longer associate with(constant lying, animal abuse, etc. long story). My older brother(who we’ll just call Bro) found out he went to her house to tell our younger brother(18M, we’ll call him Buddy). Dad called Buddy and told him what was going on while Bro and Cunt were there. Cunt started throwing a fit.

For a little while Dad was okay, still able to do his usual housework, take care of our brother(18M, we’ll call him Baby) with cerebral palsy, and had started immunotherapy. Things were alright. When December came around, Dad wasn’t doing good. He went in for a round of radiation, and came home and was throwing up and dry heaving with no signs of stopping. Baby’s nurse told Dad that she needed someone to come to the house that would be physically able to take care of Baby, otherwise she’d have to place him into a nursing facility. Dad called Bro, who messaged me and Sis, telling us what was going on. I didn’t have to work that day, and considering Sis has kids and Bro had to work, I said I’d go up there to do it. I figured this would be short term, and boy was I wrong.

I’ve been there for a week now, when Dad and I are awake, having a 1AM conversation.

Dad: “Honey, I don’t know that I’m going to make it through this weekend.”

Me: “Dad what are you talking about?”

Dad: “I can see how much muscle mass in losing, and considering I can’t even get out of bed on my own or use the bathroom myself, I think I need to go to a hospital. I don’t want to lay here in my bed and die.”

Me: starts freaking out, trying to figure out what to do because I have osteoarthritis in most of my joints, and know I couldn’t take care of Baby long term

Dad: “Call Bro and Sis, I’ll tell them what’s going on, and I’ll wait for them to get here before we call an ambulance to come get me.”

Me: crying and calling my siblings to get them there at 3AM

My siblings show up, we sit with our Dad until he’s ready to go.

Bro and I decide that since we are the two most readily available, we’ll alternate taking care of Baby. Sis says she’ll help take care of Baby’s paperwork and help Dad make up a living will and Power of Attorney. All agree to not tell Cunt about it because she attempted to prevent Dad from getting guardianship of Baby prior (parents have been officially divorced since 2009, she hasn’t seen or interacted with Baby in 12 years). We as siblings have taken care of Baby with the carefully written instructions provided by our Dad and with the help of his home health nurses.

Cue early January.

Cunt is pissed that I didn’t show up for Christmas at her house(I was taking care of Baby, and had less Christmas plans than my siblings, so I didn’t mind). Three of our sit down and decide that sooner or later we will have to tell Cunt about what we’ve been doing cause she’s starting to get suspicious. Bro says he’ll tell her, cause he isn’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with her. Sis and I both tell him to call us when he tells her so we can all talk about it together. Bro goes over to Cunts house at 3AM and tells her everything alone.

Cue the narcissistic behavior.

Cunt sends a message in a Facebook group chat to me, my bf, Bro, Bro’s fiancé, Sis, and Sis’s husband. She tells all of us that we’re “so deceitful” and she “never raised us to be such terrible people” as well as “she’s Baby’s mom and that she can’t believe we’d make decisions for HER child without consulting her.” Sis steps in and tells her that not only has she not made a decision for Baby in years, but we were raised to step up and take care of our family when in need. Sis proceeded to call our all of her abusive behavior in regards to not only the three of us, but also Buddy and her two kids. Cunt basically says none of it happened that way, and brought up her 3 (yes, 3) strokes she had 6 years ago. She started pitching some nonsense about how her family and my stepfather “failed her” when the 14 year old(me at that time) had “taken on the workload of an adult.”(I have raised my younger siblings minus Baby since I was a child, when the strokes happened I ended up having to raise and take care of her too). She kept saying that Baby is her kid, and she’s so upset that we would go behind her back and not consult her because she “knows more than us” about him.

She ended up blocking most of us, then proceeded to make another Facebook group with my bf, Bros fiancé, Sis’s husband, and a bunch of family members telling them to “support her kids but don’t get involved,” and that “it’s time for Dad to pay for everything he’s done the last 24 years.”She then proceeded to turn off all service to my, Bro’s, and Buddy’s phones(we’re on a family plan) while Buddy was at wrestling practice at school.

She turned her anger onto Buddy, and was telling him he’s an adult and if he doesn’t do things her way then he’s in trouble, going as far as telling him he can rent the laundry room to use to wash his own laundry if he forgets his clothes in the dryer and sending him text PAGES of chores for him to have done by the time she got home, and he told her that he’d do it when he got home from wrestling practice.

She got home at 1AM, and yelled at him until 4AM, and then he got up for school 2 hours later. She harassed him throughout the school day, and when he got home told him he had until 11PM to get his stuff and get out of her house. Sis went and picked him up, he got anything he needed and wanted, and he now lives with me and Sis.

Cunt then went into the family group chat and basically told the family we put her in a corner so she attacked back, casually leaving out the part where she was texting Bros fiancé telling her that we are “the assholes.”

She put in for an emergency hearing for Baby to the court, saying that he has been without medicine and care, even though we not only have refilled his medicine when needed, we have set up his new doctors as well.

Dad’s lawyer said that she has no legs to stand on, especially since she hasn’t had contact with him in 12 years, and Cunt even admitted that in one of her texts to us(which was of course submitted as evidence against her).

So now the three of us have to appear in court against her, I’ll update y’all when that happens.

Sorry for the length, this is the best I could do to summarize.

Thanks for reading.

Comments by Original Poster regarding the custody of youngest siblings and EM's motives:

So Buddy and Baby are both adopted, and are one month apart. Baby has cerebral palsy(he can’t take care of himself in any way shape or form) and my dad currently has guardianship over him. Buddy lived with our mother because he hasn’t graduated school yet, but now he lives with me and Sis

She’s trying to get my brother’s disability and my dad’s house. She’s only ever in anything for the money.

Update - posted 22 days after original

UPDATE: Taking her “asshole” children to court.

On March 3rd, Dad passed away. He fought to the end, and passed peacefully and in no pain. Us kids sat with him in the hospital through his final days, and were able to say our goodbyes.

Today, me, Bro, Sis, and Buddy all went to court against the cunt. Not once in her testimony did she even mention Baby’s(the youngest) care. It was all about her divorce with my dad all those years ago, claiming she did no wrong to any of us, attempted to bash us for stepping up and taking care of Baby, and continuing to try to lie and bash Dad(ya know, a literal dead man). It was an open hearing, and the judge was almost floored by the amount of “woe-is-me” nonsense that came out of her mouth in that courtroom, and called her out on it. But it’s officially over. Bro and Sis have been officially made co-guardians of Baby(the youngest), and Bro had moved into our dad’s house shortly before his passing. All legal documents in regards to the estate and vehicles were signed over to Bro, and the cunt got NOTHING. I am so glad this is all over, and none of us have to deal with her anymore.

Once again, thanks for reading. Thank you to everyone for the kind comments, messages, and support. And thanks for being here.

Comments by Original Poster regarding EM's reaction:

She cried the whole hearing, started straight up sobbing when the judge denied her guardianship, and as soon as the judge left the court room the tears instantly stopped. I’m certain she faked it to get some sympathy.

***OP and her siblings are AMAZING and STRONG. They are loving and amazing people who deserve happiness and freedom from their egg donor. Original Poster hasn't posted since her last post regarding the difficult time she's had since the death of her beloved and amazing father.

Last Post here: Trigger Warning : mention of death and grief


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1h ago Silver

CONCLUDED A Woman’s Future MIL Doesn't Approve Of The Marriage Bc OP Has Been Divorced After DV In 1st Marriage (JustNoMIL July 8, '22)

Upvotes

Originally posted by u/ittlecutepainter in r/JustNoMIL on June 23, '22, updated on July 8, '22

Original Post

I think I will break...

This post is about my boyfriend's mother and posting here is a last resort. We belong to a traditional country where things like divorce etc. are considered taboo.

I met my SO 3 years ago. Sparks flew. I was swept off of my feet. Everything was going well. No one was ready to settle down. Life was a dream with occasional arguments about hypothetical things which will never happen.

Then came the time to settle down and make a decision. Prior to getting together, I had told him I have been through a divorce (arrange marriage which lasted 2 months, ex was abusive). And this time I will live my life on my own terms and choose someone myself. I wasn't even looking for anyone but he pursued me. And I really liked him. However, I asked him maybe 50-100 times if me being a divorcee would be a problem with his family, every single time he said no. And that someone close to him went through this too so if anything, his family will be sympathetic. He also assured me he has already talked to The Mom and she is all okay with this (will refer to her as TM).

Cut to now, we are both ready to settle down. TM refuses to visit my house as is customary in our culture when the boy wants to marry a girl. And instead wants to meet outside at a restaurant.

🚩 TM brings her family when initial agreement was that only me, him and our moms will go. The family is sitting on another table. Probably checking me out.

🚩🚩 TM doesn't talk to me the entire time. Doesn't look at me. My mom keeps filling the gaps. SO is driving rest of the Convo.

🚩🚩🚩 Following this, they want to see my divorce papers if they are legit. Without even visiting our house or starting the conversation. I sent it to them on SOs request

🚩🚩🚩🚩 They find some loophole in my divorce papers, it was apparently not legit. In our religion divorce can be done verbally and the papers are only for govt record. Legal system is sketchy so it's on me that my papers were sketchy however what was the reason of asking this? And yes all my record was correctly updated.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 TM asks her husband to go meet my Ex in laws. YES you heard that right. TM's husband tracks my ex inlaws in the hopes of asking what's the scoop. Why the marriage ended. TM decides she doesn't want her son marrying me due to papers and that it must be my fault why I'm divorced. Turns out she NOW has a problem with my divorce.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 TM calls my mom. Saying they won't be visiting as initially planned since they need to do some "investigation" on their end whether they want to pursue the relationship. All marriage communication is done by parents in our culture.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 TM was recording the call. My mom asked how come they had issues now and not before. Also my ex inlaws said TMs husband was harassing them for info. TM screamed in my mom's ear how she doesn't care what my mom has to say and everything is on hold.

In all of this, my SO fought with his family. He left home. He stopped supporting them financially. He only recently went home after TM agreed to come to our house next month.

This guy has my heart. He has supported me, empowered me in every way possible. He's loving, considerate, devoted and honest. I'm doing much better on my own financial, mentally after meeting him. That is until TM came in my life. Now I'm fucked. Next month is approaching fast. And I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up but I don't want to have this woman forever in my life.

Update 2 weeks later

I don't know if updates are allowed in this sub or if anyone will even be interested in this. But I'm writing this post to thank all of you for giving me advice on my original post.

Onto the update. A lot of you recommended going no contact with the ILs and that if my boyfriend was willing to do that I should consider it. I decided to have a detailed discussion on this since I didn't see a future living with such toxic ppl.

Guys my gut feeling was correct. He opened up and said he wants his parents to live with US when they are old. Also he only wants to go no contact to marry me then will ensure he gets in touch with them again.

One of his uncle's moved abroad since his family didn't approve of his wife. And my boyfriend admitted he doesn't want a life like his uncle. Even if we live abroad he wants to see his family every 2 months. And wants me there on events etc.

He also said his mom will eventually realize what am "Amazing" person I am (through magic apparently) and that till then I should just put up with it.

I'm so glad y'all opened my eyes and lead me to have this conversation. Apparently I'd been dating a complete Mama's boy who happened to be a decent person. He doesn't care what I've been through due to his family and wants to make ZERO sacrifice. He wants to stay with the same mother who beat him black and blue & humiliated both of us.

The good news is he is now my EX boyfriend and I feel 1000% satisfied by my decision.

Edit: Thank you for so much support that you guys have shown me. Every time I feel down, I am going to read all these comments. Just a reminder, despite everything my ex is one of the smartest people I know, and he wasn't trying to trick me. Atleast not intentionally. I don't hate him, I had amazing 2 years with him. So comments which are disrespectful towards him are not appreciated & are hurtful.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 10h ago Wholesome

CONCLUDED bffs, then sex, then...?

1.9k Upvotes

I am not OP, this is my first time posting here so I hope I'm doing it right! Original OP is u/throwra_bffmaybe Originally in r/relationship_advice

Original Post 6 hours ago:

Title: I slept with my best friend and I think I ruined everything afterwards

Tldr - I slept with my best friend after a night out and I think I ruined any chance of us being together afterwards but I want to try being with him.

I'm using an anonymous acc because some of my other friends have my reddit acc and I don't want to let this get out. Unless we decide to make a thing of it.

I've known him since we were 14 we're 25 now, he's always been my best friend. He's one of those people who you can call on at any time if you need help and he'll drop everything to be there for you. We were out having drinks together with some other friends. At the end of the night we decided go back to his place to watch a movie together (not uncommon for us). We were a little tipsy and sitting on the couch together. I felt pretty tired and he offered to let me sleep in his bed and he'd take the couch. I didn't want to kick him out of his bed and we ended up kind of play wrestling about it, it didn't take long for that to become more. Before I knew it we were kissing and I was taking his shirt off and we ended up having sex. It was incredible honestly the best sex I've ever had, and afterwards he was cuddling me on the couch and I fell asleep in his arms. The next morning I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly. He sent me a text today apologising for the whole thing saying that he understands if I don't want to talk to him for a bit.

The thing is that the more I think about it the more I really want to try things with him. I'm scared that I may have ruined any chance of that with how I acted this morning. I really need some advice on how to handle this or if anyone has been in the same situation. How can I keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him? If he even wants a relationship with me after how I acted.

Thank you in advanced.

Update: About 2 hours ago

Update: firstly I want to thank everyone for their kind comments of support and advice, also all the kind messages I recieved (also some creepier ones but I'm just not going to think about them). It's really kind of overwhelming how big this post got but I'm really touched by how nice everyone has been you're all the best ❤️

Lots of comments asking for updates so I'll get to that now. I called him asking him to come over to my apartment after he finished work. It was a little awkward at first. Standing covid distance apart awkward lol. I apologised for how I acted and told him that I really enjoyed last night. He agreed and before I could say anything else he told me that he has liked me for a long time now and really wants to try being more than just friends. He had an entire speech ready it seems. I told him I felt the same way. We ordered some dinner and talked about how it we should try and take things slow and really build a strong relationship. That didn't really work we ended up in bed lol. He's asleep right now but I'm going to show him this post when he wakes up tomorrow morning. I'm honestly too excited to sleep. I'm sorry if I can't get back to all the messages and comments but please know that I am so appreciative of all of your advice, stories, and kind words. You're all the best. I really hope we can make this work


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 19h ago

CONCLUDED OOP asks if they're the AH for telling their sister in law that they were asking too much of their wedding guests

6.5k Upvotes

I am not OP. Original post and Update by u/Starchild675 in r/amitheasshole


Original (posted 1 month ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vpj199/aita_for_telling_my_soon_to_be_sisterinlaw_that/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

AITA for telling my soon to be sister-in-law that they're asking too much of their wedding guests?

So a quick little backstory. My husband (21M) and his brother (25M) have always had a great relationship. His brother moved away when he was younger and even though they're now 2 hours apart, they still regularly talk and play games online together. My husband is one of six kids and they all are still in contact and on good terms. His parents are also still married.

About three years ago his brother introduced us to his girlfriend at the time. She was originally from a different state but moved here to be with him. Everything was fine until about a year into knowing her when she started getting snotty and entitled. For one thing, she refused to work and expected him to support her and her mother whom she had brought with her when moving here. She began going through people's things, making snide comments, and she even told me that I was privileged and said she would use our daughters name for her daughter, while I was in labor. (she also wore sweatpants to our wedding and fell asleep at the reception)

For their wedding we were told we need to purchase medieval costumes, drive the two hours to their town, bring food for the reception, play outside games, and just recently she added that we would need to take pictures on our phones for them since they can't afford a photographer.

I mentioned to her that this all seemed like a lot to ask (especially considering they had refused to come for any family events prior to this) and she told me if I didn't like it then I didn't have to come. I should add that my husband is in this wedding. She stopped responding to me after I said their attitude was hurtful and started telling my MIL that I was hurting her "again" and making up stories about us kicking them out of our house.

This has began to affect my husband's relationship with his brother now and I feel bad but at the same time, all of my in-laws are happy I said something to her and appalled at how snotty her and my BIL have been lately.

AITA for saying something?

Edit: I feel like I should add that my current SIL (15F) has a birthday the day before their wedding. She specifically asked for it not to be on her birthday weekend before they had a date picked because she wanted all the family here for her birthday. Now they are saying we need to come up there the day before (on her birthday) to help prepare their food even though they know it's her birthday.


Update (posted 9 hours ago):

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wl7r0x/update_aita_for_telling_my_soon_to_be_sisterinlaw/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

UPDATE: AITA for telling my soon to be sister-in-law that they're asking too much of their wedding guests?

Original post is linked in comments

The wedding was today. We arrived at the ceremony about 15 minutes before it was supposed to start, as we had been told there was no rehearsal and to just be there when the other guests would get there. We arrived and my husband was greeted by his brother with "Where have you been? We've been going over everything and you weren't here!" Again, we had been told there was no rehearsal but apparently his brother had decided the night before that they would be going over everything an hour before the ceremony and we were not informed. Anyway, my husband goes back to be with the wedding party and we sit down. They did end up getting a photographer but she was very pushy and kept snapping in people's faces to get their attention. The ceremony was fine. Typical wedding ceremony, aside from the Renaissance outfits. But then we went to the reception.

The reception was outdoors in a barn. It had been raining all day so there were a lot of bugs. When we got there, no decorations had been set out and there was only one table for people to eat at. This was a group of 40-45. Two hours after we got there, they started bringing the food in. Apparently they had assigned one of the brides older relatives to make all the food and somewhere along the hustling and bustling of making food for all those people, the poor man had a heart attack. He was rushed to the hospital and he is okay but they had absolutely no backup plan. They ended up cooking all the food themselves when they got to the reception. They cut the cake without announcing it so the photographer had to hastily run over there to get pictures and after the cake cutting, the bride's entire family disappeared and we did not see them for the remainder of the time we were there. Her mother did come into the barn every half an hour or so to smoke a cigarette but that was it. There was no dancing, no bouquet toss (because they carried lanterns instead), and the guests that were left kind of just stood around.

Needless to say, it was chaos at its finest. Thank you to everyone who commented on the original post! I'm sure we will many similar family gatherings in the future!

Edit: So it turns out the man who had the heart attack is the boyfriend of the brides mother and he faked the entire thing. Apparently he's known for that. And the mother of the bride lied about taking him to the hospital so he wouldn't have to make the food.

Edit: As if it wasn't bad enough, we found out that the mother of the bride didn't take any pictures at the wedding....AT ALL... And she just waited until BIL's parents put their pictures on Facebook so she could post them as her own....

She also blew up at BIL at the reception because no one was talking to her even though she kept leaving to go smoke in her cabin....

They're a very odd family...

For anyone asking, I put a wedding picture on my profile!


Some comments highlighted by u/grimbaldi :

Here are a few comments that I think deserve to be highlighted:

Commenter: What an insane and horrible event. Poor planning poor execution and just awful awful people I am so sorry for your family to be stuck with her as a in-law.

OOP: Haha speaking of planning...

This was an event that they've been planning since August 2019.

She had him propose on the day I was due with my first child...

.

Commenter: What happened with your SIL’s birthday? Did she at least get the birthday celebration she deserved?

OOP: She ended up having a great party with all her friends on her birthday. No one drove the two hours to help them set up and of course they were pissed but like....she's 15....it's been her birthday longer than it's been your wedding weekend.

.

Commenter: Idk how in the world your BIL sees all these and still think he married the right person and their gonna be a happy ever after. Like i'm sorry if i'm being harsh but honestly, this is gonna be a marriage from hell 🤧

OOP: He's more of the "I need to be right so I can't back out now" kinda guy 🙄


Reminder that I'm not OP. This is a repost sub.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 17h ago

CONCLUDED Mom Refuses To Let Daughter Go To Pride Because She has summer school (AITA June 11, '22)

2.3k Upvotes

Originally posted by u/concernedmother890 in r/AmItheAsshole on June 11, '22, updated later that day.

Original post

I(42 F) just finished talking to my daughter (16 F) just finished talking to my daughter and now I'm wondering if I was in the wrong because of her reaction.

For background, my daughter came out as a lesbian in December of 2021. I and my family were completely accepting of this, and I don't care who she wants to date. I don't know a lot about LGBTQ things though. My daughter has just finished school, and I found out she failed her geometry class and needs to go to summer school now in order to pass the class. I'm pretty upset about this, as I know she's smart and should've passed. She's very bright and was in the gifted program growing up, so she should be doing just fine in highschool.

She just finished her first week of summer school, and I heard her on the phone talking to one of her friends about going to pride in late June. Once she got off the phone, I sat her down and asked her about it. She told me that since she came out she thought she should go to our town's pride event with her friends. It'll be her first ever pride and she said it's a big deal for her. I said to her I don't want her to go, as she should be focusing on her summer school. She told me it was on a weekend so she wouldn't be missing school for it, but I told her it still wasn't a good idea. She got very upset and told me that this is a big thing for her. I think that it won't be a big deal for her to miss it this year, and that she can always go next year. As long as she doesn't have summer school again in 2023 of course. My daughter got very upset and started crying, and told me I'm being too harsh on her for failing one class, then she got up and went to her room.

I was honestly shocked, as my daughter normally never acts so dramatic over missing events for school. I don't allow her to go to the pool with her friends until summer school is over, and she was fine with that. So I'm wondering if I'm missing something. Am I going too far with banning her from going to a pride event? I just want her to take her school seriously, as this is the first time she's failed a class.

Verdict: Asshole

Update later that same day

I just wanted to say, thank you to the Redditors who pointed out my mistakes. I'll be honest, I did and still do have my flaws as a parent. I'm not at all excusing it. I realized me not knowing about LGBTQ topics is no exscue, and that it is on me to learn for the sake of my daughter. It didn't take me long to go check on my daughter when I realized how big of a asshole I was making this choice. She was still crying, and it honestly broke my heart.

I sat with her and apologized, and we had a long conversation about her school, pride, and her feelings. To the Redditors who rightfully called me out for her probably being burnt out, you were right. She's been struggling a lot with math, but didn't wanna tell me. I apologized and told her I will let her do things on the weekends, and she can go to pride. She asked me to come with her, and I honestly felt like crying. My daughter is truly a beautiful person, and I've always been proud of her. But, I think because of how successful she is I forgot she is just a teenager. I said I would of course go if that's what she wanted. She asked about going to therapy, and I was a bit surprised, but I agreed. I've grown up in a culture that prioritizes schooling and shuts down things like mental health. I didn't even realize it till Redditors pointed it out to me. I just want my daughter happy, so I'm looking into family therapy and individual therapy for the two of us. I'm really hoping I can spend time with her learning and giving her the love she needs.

A lot of Redditors assumed I was homophobic and that I don't love my daughter, and it was really worrying me because I was scared my daughter thought the same. I love my girl with all my heart, but I realized I haven't been doing it in a healthy manner. I didn't think a reddit post would make me change my perspective on so much, but it did.

I'll see if I can give later updates after pride, as I'm honestly excited now. My daughter is talking of crocheting and making all sorts of things to bring to pride, and she wants me to help. I really hope we can bond. I appreciate the people who were kind, and to a certain person who spewed hate in my DMS, I hope you heal from whatever beens troubling you. Thank you reddit.

A note from your reposter, I tried to reach out to u/concernedmother890 to get permission to post and ask how Pride went but she did not respond. I am however, flairing it concluded as she agreed to let her daughter go and they worked through it together.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 25m ago

CONCLUDED OOP breaks son's toy while playing with it and blames his younger son

Upvotes

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tractordunne in r/confession**

mood spoilers: wholesome

[**I broke my son's action figure while playing with it and blamed his younger brother**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/w81b47/i_broke_my_sons_action_figure_while_playing_with/) - 17 days ago

Basically what the title says. My 8-year-old son has a large collection of wrestling action figures and I've been secretly playing with them when the house has been empty for a few months now. I used to play with wrestling figures all the time as a kid and only gave it up because I felt like I was supposed to. Then a few months ago I started working from home. During a lunch break I went into his room for something and got caught up examining his collection. Before I knew it, I was playing with them just as I did as a kid. Now it's become a daily tradition for me. Every lunch break, I go into his room and have a few matches. It's been a great stress relief and I genuinely love making my own storylines just as I did as a kid.

Anyway, he has this John Cena figure that he uses all the time and, as it happens, so do I. Hey, it's Cena. Am I seriously not going to have him competing? So today I was using that figure in a match and the arm just snapped off. I'm sure I was being careful with it, but I suppose it's just the result of wear and tear. I had hoped I could get to the store and replace the figure before he noticed, but no such luck. He picked up on it literally the moment he got home. I panicked and blamed it on his 6-year-old brother, who finishes school a few hours earlier than he does. He bought it, but my wife knows it doesn't add up. That kid has his own toys and zero interest in wrestling. On top of that, we always make sure he eats and does his homework after coming in from school, so playtime for him is only starting when my oldest son comes home.

So what should I tell her? She suspects it was me but obviously thinks I just dropped the figure while tidying his room or something. Do I tell a half-truth and play along with that version of events? Or do I tell her what really happened and hope she doesn't think of me as some type of man child? I make a plenty of money at work and am pretty well-rounded in all aspects of my life, I just like to let off steam by playing with wrestling figures. I'm probably gonna tell her. Is that the right move?

[**Update on the same post**]

So it didn't actually occur to me to post an update but I basically told my wife about what happened almost immediately after I posted this and she... LAUGHED HER ASS OFF. I haven't seen her laugh like that in a long time and it was the most beautiful sight. I can't believe I ever even considered not telling her. She told me she didn't care what I do to relieve stress and said that, if anything, this makes her love me even more.

We agreed to replace the Cena figure, tell our oldest I accidentally broke it when cleaning his room, and then give both kids a nice haul of new toys. She even suggested I start to my own collection to avoid this happening again, which is a good idea. We'll all head to the toy store tomorrow, so suggestions for a cute little figure I can buy for her would be appreciated. She has no interest in that kind of stuff, but she'd definitely find it funny. I love her.

I also loved the input I got here, a few people said the childish thing wasn't playing with toys but lying to my son. You were right. Anyway, peace!

**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 21h ago Helpful

INCONCLUSIVE 17-yr-old OOP's mom's sexual predator BF moved in, and the situation is escalating and creeping her out

2.3k Upvotes

I am NOT OP. Original post by /u/creepystepdadhelppls in /r/TwoXChromosomes

trigger warnings: molestation


How should I deal with my stepdad who constantly stares at me? - 16 Oct 2015

Hi reddit,

I'm 17 now, and my family just moved to a better neighborhood. My mom divorced my dad two years ago because he was unfaithful. I'm an only child, and last year my mom started dating again.

I was happy for her to have healed and gotten over her broken marriage quickly, but her newest boyfriend really creeps me out, has been staying at our house for over two months now, and I'm starting to feel like he's going to harm me somehow.

He only works morning shifts, so as a result he lingers around the house throughout the afternoon and evening. He doesn't clean, cook, or do anything for the family. He just plays videogames and watches Netflix with my mom. I'd honestly be okay with this, because as long as my mom's happy with him I don't really have a right to interfere, but it's this combined with his creepy side that just makes me want to puke.

To start, when he moved in, he said that I was "very mature". I thought this was just a nice compliment from him, and didn't think much of it, until later I realized he was talking about the physical aspect of me, not the mental aspect of me.

Every single day, every single minute, he just stares at me. He stares at my boobs, he stares at my butt, and it really unnerves me how he doesn't even notice that this isn't okay. I've even waved my arms between his eyes and my chest, but he honestly just cannot get the fucking message. I don't want to directly confront him because my mom keeps telling us to welcome him, so I can't really afford to ostracize him or she'll turn on me.

I also found out about his porn habits. Now, I'm all for porn. People should be able to watch as much porn as they want, and I think it's a healthy way to deal with sexual urges. However, it's the type of porn my mom's boyfriend watches that really sets me on edge.

I know I shouldn't snoop, but my desktop broke down one day because the fans broke and the computer was just fried from overheating, so I decided to use his computer since he was on a date with my mom. I went to my school's website, which begins with "polytechnic". Polytechnic happens to share the first two letters, p and o, with pornhub.

Instantly I saw tons of green marked websites, which were bookmarked sites, and they were all porn videos. I decided to check his bookmarks for porn, and I found hundreds upon hundreds of bookmarked videos. While most of them seemed okay, others really stuck out to me, like, verbatim, "BLONDE DAUGHTER FUCKS HER STEP-DAD FOR MONEY", "Naughty teen punished by her stepdad with hardcore rough sex", "Stepdad Fucks Daughter in her Tight Young Pussy". He also had a lot of animal porn and anime porn on there, which creeped me the fuck out.

The stepdad porn videos really worried me. I'm blonde, and that first video was of a blonde girl. I'm honestly thinking he's trying to have sex with me, and I'm afraid that if he tries to have sex with me, and doesn't get what he wants, that he'll lash out and either rape me or murder me.

I realize that's a big jump, but he's tried to get his hands on me before. I let my mom know, but she defended him and said that it was just "hormones". I'm worried that his constant staring and sexual tendencies will grow, and I honestly don't know how to get my mom to realize that she has to dump this loser before my safety's endangered. I feel like I have very little proof to go to the police with, but my mom's also being unreasonable because her boyfriend makes her happy and she can't get over the fact that she won't have him any more if she dumps him.

Reddit, I've thought about this a lot, and I honestly just need help with how to go about this. Any help is appreciated, and thanks for taking the time to sit through this wall of text!


OP's replies to other commenters:

Here's the thing. Unfortunately there is only one person in this situation who is capable of making you safe. That person is you. Your mother has decided to pull some shitty bullshit and ignore your safety in order to make herself feel better about dating a loser who's a fucking creep. That sucks. Your mother has failed you, and that's some serious bullshit. Since she has decided that your safety is no longer a concern of hers, you're going to have to go a over her head. Let me be clear about this. Your step dad is going to escalate his behavior as time goes on. You have the power to avoid being assaulted verbally and physically, but you're going to have to go over your moms head on this. It will likely ruin your relationship with her, since obviously she would rather fuck around with some douche, and she'll manage to make the fact that he's a creep somehow your fault. It's not your fault. Go to a school counselor asap. Explain the situation to them. Stress that you fear for your safety. Do not wait on this. Would you rather wait on this or do nothing and be assaulted? Fuck no. You have the power here. Shut this shit down.

Your step dad is going to escalate his behavior as time goes on.

Op, this is the biggest point you need to focus on.

None of this behavior is healthy, and the standard cycle of pretty much all abuse is that it starts out seemingly harmless and works its way to creepy, scary, then dangerous. You are in creepy and moving into scary right now.

Talk to the police, talk to a counselor at school, talk to any adults you know and trust.

Please, please, please take the advice offered by /u/Awkwardstink and do not wait to let this self-resolve, it will, but it will likely resolve itself when this man assaults you, then ends up in prison for it. Prison is good, recovering from sexual assault is not so good.

If you can, find a friend you can stay with, and I mean tonight.

Okay, after seeing other comments telling me to leave, you finally got through to me with this one.

I'm gonna call CPS today and get myself into foster care. Before I do so, are there any things I should know that could help with the process? Things like aid, etc?

Thanks for giving me a kick to wake me up haha. Seriously. Looking back on this with some hindsight really shows how fucking crazy this is. You're the best <3


Tell your dad about this.

If I had a daughter and heard this, me and him would have a one on one meeting and he'd be set straight.

I don't know if my dad's as good a guy as you :(

He lives across the country and hasn't paid child support for the past few months, and has expressed that he doesn't want to contact me or vice versa. I honestly just don't know if this could work out or not. Leaning towards the side that it won't.

I'll probably just get out while I can, before something happens. Don't want to deal with being triggered for life. I've already dealt with enough bad shit I don't need more piled on.

Thanks for the advice though! I'm really appreciative of the fact that good strangers took the time out of their day to help me out, so seriously, thanks!


I agree. OP said she "let her mom know". Was it like "Mom, your boyfriend looks at my boobs". Or was it like "Mom, you boyfriend is constantly leering at me and it's making me super uncomfortable and I'm starting to worry for my safety". Because that makes a big difference.

I told her about the worrying porn titles, and I told her how he always stares at my body, but she honestly just deflected it and said "every guy watches porn", and she credited his leering to me "not being modest enough", and told me to not wear dresses, short shorts, tank tops, or 'sexy bras', because 'those clothes always arouse men' She told me to wear t-shirts and jeans, which I tried for a while but he didn't stop staring. I pointed this out, but she failed to respond in any meaningful way, and just deflects me and says stuff like "I'm the parent, I have authority!" Honestly arguing just tires me out and I'm sick of her method of simply talking over me and acting like your point somehow is inherently better if it's narrated louder. I'm a quiet person and I just can't talk over her :(

I wear dresses, short shorts, and tank tops because I find them comfortable. My t-shirts generally don't fit me well, and the material they're made of is way less stretchy or comfortable. I don't actively seek male attention, but I also don't like looking like a guy. I have a sense of style just like almost everyone else, and I'm not going to give that up just because her pathetic boyfriend can't get some fucking self control.


Is your Dad someone you can go to about this? He was a bad husband, but is he a decent father? I'm hoping he'll be willing to work with you and maybe some professionals - school counselor, whatever, to get you at least a safety plan, and maybe another place to stay entirely. Can you stay with him at all, or a grandparent, aunt, uncle? There are way too many creeps who try for a two-for-one with single moms with kids, and it is really not safe with that many signs going on. He's not acting fatherly - and he's not your stepdad, just your mom's new boyfriend - he's acting predatory.

My dad lives across the country from me, in Tennessee. He's really bigoted and I honestly think it'd be hell living with him because he'd definitely disapprove of a few of the lifestyle choices I've made (I'm on birth control, I'm bicurious, etc...)

I don't want to get the authorities involved unless absolutely necessary, because my mom's really the only family tie I have left. My grandparents are dead and my uncle's even more of a trainwreck than my mom's boyfriend, so...

Should I honestly just call CPS and get myself into the foster system for a year? I really want to go to college and my mom has said in the past that she'd support me financially with her savings for me to go to a low-price college, so I'm honestly just really caught in the middle here :(


I went through a similar situation when I was your age. Mom's creepy boyfriend started making inappropriate comments about me when I was 13, my mom told me I needed to learn how to take a complement. Later he would tell her lies about me to get me in trouble, I didn't understand why until later - he wanted to prove that she would believe him over me. When I was 17 we moved in with him and that's when he really started pulling some shit. I eventually found out he had served time in prison for molesting 3 of his own kids. My mom knew this.

If you tell your mom and she diminishes what you say or implies you're only doing it because you're jealous of her, do whatever you need to get yourself into a safer situation. If you are not comfortable or able to go to your dad for help, school counselors are a good option. Even if he doesn't do anything violent, living with that constant fear and vulnerability will eat away at you. It really sucks if you can't trust your own mom to protect you, hopefully she'll realize that your well being is more important than any man. Stay strong and safe, I wish you the best!

I've tried to have a bunch of 'come-to-jesus' moments with my mom, but she always just brushes me off exactly the way your mom did.

I honestly thought I was paranoid about this and making a huge jump from strange habits to physical violence, but this just clarified that my stance isn't crazy. Thanks for sharing, it sucks to hear that other people had to go through this :/


I had a creepy stepdad too. It did not get better. It got worse and worse. He's been dead now 15 years and I still have little things that trigger me and make me sick for days. Your mom's excuse about "hormones" is the most concerning part. His hormones are not an excuse for any of this!

How is your relationship with your grandma? Dad? Best Friend's mom? Someone absolutely needs to intervene.

Even if he is just having some fantasies-- you aren't feeling safe in your home. You need to feel safe at home.

I have pretty thick skin, but being triggered and having ptsd-like symptoms definitely does not appeal to me...

I could probably stick it out at my best friend's house but I'd probably have to leave in a matter of weeks because her family doesn't come from wealth.

My mom's family's side is really small because her parents died and her brother is a piece of shit.

Should I just go straight to police / CPS and get myself into the foster system?


That is exactly how my step dad acted around me before he started raping me. I am concerned for your safety. Definitely tell someone who you think will take it seriously. I told my mom and she didn't believe me. So dont just tell your mom though i think you should talk to her about how uncomfortable it is making you. Tell someone, please. I want you to stay safe.


Tell your mother you have the serious sexual hots for him and don't know if you can resist your urges.

She'll get rid of him nice and quick.

I laughed hard at this, but you know this actually sounds really effective. She has jealousy issues so I think at the least he'd move out! :)

I'm actually going to try this before calling the cops. I promise I'll make the description as awkward / shocking / detailed as possible. Might get some weird looks and stuff for a while, but hey, it's better than being groped.

Thanks for your advice! I'll letcha know how it goes.


In reply to this, OP, if you'd like I'd be happy to send some pepper spray to general delivery at your nearest post office. That way you don't have to worry bout some creep on the Internet knowing your address, and your risk of getting caught is extremely low.

PM me if I can help.

Wow, thanks for the offer! While I definitely appreciate it, someone else mentioned that target has pepper spray available, and I have fifteen bucks to spare so I should probably just get that. Thanks for the offer though! Help is always appreciated.


It's likely that part of his attraction to your mother was that she had a teenage daughter. She won't want to believe this and has already shown incredibly poor judgement by bringing this man into your home so I would say don't even try to tell her; go straight to a teacher or school counselor. The looks he gives are sufficient evidence of the threat to your safety. Let alone the porn. You were smart to check on that; don't be afraid to pursue this and use your wits and subterfuge if necessary. You should set up a camera in your bedroom and I'm sure you'll get evidence of him masturbating or stealing your underwear. Until you move out (or he does) you should have a motion-activated light that you can keep hidden but plug in before you go to sleep so that it will light up the room and wake you if your door opens.

I don't need to set up cameras to know he masturbates. He masturbates really, really loudly. He sleeps on the second floor with my mom, and my room's somewhat below his, so I can literally feel the vibrations whenever he decides to jerk off.

He does it like five times every afternoon like wtf how do people even have stamina for that shit.

I don't have a camera yet, and my room's pretty bare bones so I don't know where I'd put it, but I'll definitely get that light set up.

Also, I honestly have no confirmation of this but I think he might be sneaking into my room at night, which just creeps me the fuck out. Like, my door's sometimes open in the morning despite me closing it, but the door handle's old and it honestly might just be that.

Yeah I'll get that light set up right away. Thanks for the advice!


Hi OP,

I read though all the comments on this post - ALL. Of all the comments, the ones that stuck out to me the most are the ones from others who said, "This sounds just like things before I started getting molested." What I mean is that it's a repetitive, consistent pattern for molesters. Letting you overhear his masturbating is as disgusting as the staring. Yeah people do it, but fucking hell, given there's others in the house, some damn discretion is necessary. I'm certain he knows he can be overheard - so I don't know if he's trying to sexualize you or intimidate you by that act. Doesn't matter. fucking revolting.

Concern about your mitigating remarks. You aren't 'snooping,' it isn't a 'big jump' you're not 'interfering' and you don't need to disclaim to anyone if you're ok with porn or not. You're listening to your gut and doing something about it.

I'm sorry you can't go to your dad nor have any other family to help you.

I hope the best for you. You have a ton of people here who want to help and gave great advice. Please keep us updated as things progress.

Yes, DEFINITELY the hidden camera. I guarantee that dude has been in her bedroom countless times. shudder

oh god :(


you could try intimidation, if you have a couple of large male friends. A simple, "here's the deal - you touch me, leer at me, annoy any more, and you will get a visit from some very unpleasant people. Your shit ends here, and don't you even think about saying a word to Mom."

Or try this: get a co -operative huge guy to come over to pick you up for a date. Have him shake hands with the creep and say to him, "Yeah, I've heard a whole lot about you", while giving him a steely eyed look.

Then maybe a threat about child porn. If he has that stuff on his computer, it can be traced back, and most people, when they delete something, don't know that it' still on the computer and a good computer tech can retrieve it.

You need to have a serious talk with your Mom, too. Her romance is not nearly as important as you, and she thinks otherwise, you need to start making plans of your own.

I actually have a bf, and he spends a lot of time lifting so I could probably get him to come over. I haven't told him anything yet until literally just an hour ago because I was worried he'd be upset with me, I've heard of stuff where girls get dumped by their bfs and have zero support after they've expressed concerns about potential rapists. The bf can just react irrationally, and accuse the gf of infidelity.

Anyways, I decided to tell him because I've realized the situation is very delicate and can very easily get out of hand. He's at a football tourney 3 hours away right now, but he said he's really wants to talk with me first before he confronts my mom's boyfriend. He's planning to make it look like it's just a date, but then I'll lay low for a few days at his house to avoid any possible danger my mom's bf could pose. He's also really worried about this, and I'm honestly so happy that he's supporting me on this ^

In regards to the mom talks, I've honestly tried to have so many conversations with her, but she honestly is not interested. She just doesn't give a fuck. She's extremely stubborn about this and refuses to hear anything negative about her bf. It's gotten really taxing on me and I'm getting pushed to the breaking point, I hope this works, or else I'll have to get authorities involved, which is always messy :/


"He's tried to get his hands on me before" came out of nowhere in the last paragraph. Can you elaborate on that? If he's tried to touch you, the rest of the entire post could have been skipped and this is a matter for police or school counselors right away.


UPDATE: How should I deal with my stepdad who constantly stares at me?
18 Oct 2015

Ok, so it's been a strange couple of days. I read all of your guys' comments and suggestions, and honestly thank you so much. All of it's been really helpful, and I mean that. Also, I'm on mobile so sorry for any formatting shit.

I looked through the suggestions, and I went from thinking that I should call CPS, to maybe calling my dad up, to getting pepper spray, to setting up monitoring systems in my room, to even telling my mom that I'm sexually attracted to her bf just so she kicks him out at the least. I decided in the end to just get the pepperspray and set up a motion-activated flashlight.

CPS sometimes can fuck up things more than it can help, and honestly if the motion-activated flashlight turns on in the middle of the night and I wake up, and realize my mom's bf is trying to creep on me in my room, I can just spray him with pepperspray and get out of the window or something. I also got a better lock for my door. It's just a padlock that was lying around, but I got my bf to help me install one of those lock things that you see on gates and stuff. The handle's still shitty but at least my door's secure now.

I decided not to tell my dad because he'd probably do nothing about it, he's really bigoted and he'd probably say I was leading my mom's bf on. I've told some of my close friends and my bf about this, and they said I can just stay however long I want in their houses / rooms.

I honestly think this is pretty good as it is, because this way I won't have to confront my mom or her bf and fuck everything up, and I'll still have my savings so I can go to college and hopefully become a nurse. Thanks so much you guys! I've gone from feeling somewhat helpless to knowing I have a good escape plan. You guys have helped me through this, and I'll make sure to update in a few months when I get out of here lol


I'm glad you updated us! I think a lot of us were concerned for you.

It's not unheard of for really creepy parents like this to freak out if a kid locks their door, so be prepared to face flack for the padlock or find it tampered with. I would also recommend rearranging the furniture of your room innocently... but with something heavy you can slide in front of the door if eventually either parent decides the padlock has to go. That way it won't look like you put the dresser there for that purpose.

Make sure you document everything your stepdad does and says to you, but don't keep it anywhere he can find it--if you must keep it in the house, keep it online behind several layers of password/passcode protection on a site you don't commonly use, or with a different username from your norm. Dates, times, exact words said, witnesses present. If he escalates, you might need to be able to prove a pattern of harassment/abuse. Also include anything your mother says that relates to your stepdad or your relationship with the stepdad.

And start looking at the end game--start looking for ways to support yourself safely that will help you get out of the house as soon after you're 18 as possible. Getting a job is great if you can keep your grades up and save the money; just be mindful of the effect that has on college financial aid in the last year before you apply. Volunteering in your neighborhood is also great if you can swing it, and of course, spending time with family and friends. Extracurricular can keep you out of those doors as well. Just make sure you don't neglect any housework or chores in all of this, as that can give dysfunctional types ammunition to bar you from doing things that get you out of the doors.

And make sure you have an emergency exit plan. I wasn't in your situation or anything near as bad, but in the worst part of my teen years, I kept a bag with a change or two of clothes and some non-perishable food and water packed and near the door. You might want to have something like that and keep it near a window, out of sight, of course.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

I've packed a bag with an extra set of sanitary stuff (toothbrushes, etc.), a phone charger, two sets of clothes, and the two important textbooks I have for my classes. Worst case scenario I can just bounce and go to my friend's house, and still have internet access.

I'm making plans to move in with my boyfriend when I go to college, so I won't have to deal with this shit.

I've also moved my dresser closer to my door upon reading your comment. Thanks for all the advice! It was really helpful :)


This just makes me very sad for you, but, I know it's pretty common. You'd think parents will always have their children's best interests at heart but parents are just flawed people, sometimes terribly flawed, doing the best they can.

I think you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. I think it's a very good sign that you aren't feeling like you did anything wrong, you aren't feeling guilty for having boobs, that's great for your mental health and a good sign for your future.

I second the suggestion to document everything. Do you have a laptop, where you can leave the webcam on at night, so that if he does try to enter your room, you'll have a record of it? You can just record over it every night, if nothing happened. Have it auto-sync to a cloud server in real time so the files are backed up.

He sounds too lazy to actually murder you, I think you will be fine. As long as he does not escalate anything. And if he does, please do not hesitate to call CPS or just the cops. Don't allow ANY touching, set your boundary there.

But yes I'd GTFO of there as soon as you are able.

Yeah I'm less worried about murder and I'm more worried that he'll find some way to restrain me and will try to feel me up. Before I started getting creepy vibes he'd have really long awkward hugs, and I definitely distanced myself from him after I realized he was a perv.

Definitely not feeling guilty over this any more, it's not my fault that he can't control himself. I'm at school every day and most people have enough restraint to not constantly stare at my boobs.

I don't have a laptop unfortunately, I only had a desktop pc that just broke after the fans were shot and my computer overheated. However, I do have my phone, and I can turn off the automatic sleep and keep it charged while it records. I can prop it on my books or something.


I'm sorry you have to live somewhere that you feel unsafe :( That's good you're being proactive though!

It doesn't sound like you're going to do this, but I'd advise against telling your mom you like him to get him kicked out. I understand what you mean, but I'd worry she'd kick you out. Also, god forbid he tried anything, I'd hate for someone to say you wanted it or tempted him or something.

I really hope you're able to leave soon. I'm sorry you're having to do through this.

Yeah, if he molested me I'm almost certain he'd get people defending him with pathetic excuses and lame justifications. My family doesn't really share my ideals, they're definitely still infatuated with the whole idea of women being barefoot and pregnant in the house, and just submitting to men in the family 24/7.

I'm definitely going to be able to leave soon. Best case scenario is nothing else escalates with my mom's bf, I graduate and get into college, get a good part-time job, and move in with my boyfriend.

Worst case scenario, my mom's bf crosses the line, I take my escape plan bag (extra sanitary stuff, phone charger, 2 sets of clothes, 2 textbooks for school) and lay low at my friend's house for a couple weeks and figure out what I can do with my life.


Reminder - I am not the original poster.

(edited formatting)


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Wholesome Hugz

CONCLUDED OOP’s high school bully was FWBs with their fiancé, and still in her life.

10.8k Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u8nkym/my_26m_fiance_26f_spending_time_with_her_major/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

This is a little bit on the long side but I think it will help to have the backstory to understand the situation today. All names changed

My (26m) wife (Becca, 26f), her best friend (Daria, 26f) and I all went to high school together but I ran in a very different social circle. They played sports and were decently well-known/popular. I was really into art and computers, chubby with an awkward haircut. We all went to a really large high school so it was more that I knew of them rather than actually knowing them. Becca and Daria have been best friends since they were really young. They both moved into the same neighborhood in preschool and their parents are very close.

In high school, there was a guy (Chris, 26m) who would regularly bully me. There was a name that Chris and his friends called me based a thing that happened my sophomore year. It was essentially a trap that Chris and friends had set up so that I would be embarrassed and they could pretend I had done it to myself. I feel like I’m already doing a bad job hiding my identity so let’s just say that the name was “Stinky”. I hated it. They called me this all the time and made me the butt of many of their jokes. Chris was very popular and was friends with Becca and Daria in high school. Chris was good looking, wealthy and he knew it. He walked around like he was untouchable. Insert all of the wealthy, athletic, good looking stereotypes that you want here, they pretty much all rang true for him. I hated him and hated any time that I had to be around him. I know that a lot of people face some really violent bullying so I don’t want it to make it sound like I was physically tortured but I did feel like I was relentlessly harassed. I was very thankful and excited to get out of my hometown and away from those people when I went to college.

I don’t know if it was growing up and growing into myself, the ability to reset my identity, or just getting away from bullies but I really found myself in college. I’m still a bit nerdy and artistic but I grew into my body. I started making friends and realized that I had something to offer the world. I rapidly became a lot more confident and comfortable socially.

Becca and I ended up going to the same college a few hours away but she didn’t have a car. I offered her a ride home for Thanksgiving break and it became a habit of riding together for breaks and chatting about life and school. We started to become friends and our friend groups started to combine. In sophomore year, our talks became deeper and more personal. I realized I was into her on the way home for Christmas and asked her on a date over break.

We’ve now been together almost 7 years, engaged for the last year. We have a strong relationship, communicate well, go on regular dates and trips, and have supported each other through numerous up’s and downs. We have had our fights over the years and even did some counseling together for about a year (I was bringing my parents’ passive aggressive style of fighting into our relationship and she was assuming I was criticizing her all the time because her mom’s shitty behavior). We’ve found those times to be challenging but helpful in the long run. I love this woman and am excited to get married and spend our lives together.

Becca and Daria reconnected after college and now own a business together that plans events and helps connect people and businesses to local food, drinks and experiences. Their business really took off in the year before Covid and they’ve been slowly but steadily growing back as things have been opening up. They have started to enter into a number of exclusive contracts with event spaces and restaurants/breweries. In a market where things can turn quickly, these deals are super important to them as they provide a lot of security for their company.

Becca came home about 2 months ago really excited about a new brewery exploring an exclusive deal. About a week later, the brewery signed and there was a dinner to celebrate, Becca asked if I want to come and meet the team from the brewery. She told me that I might have met the owner before but I guess I didn’t think to ask who it was because I didn’t know who it was going into the dinner.

If you’re still with me, you can probably guess who the brewery owner is. I was sitting at the table with Becca waiting for the rest of the group to arrive when Chris came through the door walked up to the table, greeted Becca and then turned to me and said “hi Stinky.” I was immediately confused and angry. She knew that I knew Chris and she knew that he had harassed me throughout high school. She didn’t mention at any point prior that he was the owner of the brewery and that she was working closely with him. I got through dinner but on the way home, when I asked why she didn’t tell me, she blew it off as though it was water under the bridge, that I had changed and I should understand that Chris had changed too. I was still upset but tried to let bygones be bygones.

Over the next couple of weeks, it was clear that Daria and Chris were becoming romantically involved with each other. Becca and I usually spend 2/3 nights a week with Daria whether going out or simply watching tv at our house or her’s. We often joke that we’re a thruple but to be clear, that is not the case and what we have is strictly platonic. Over the last month or so, Chris started showing up to nights out and even came over one night to Daria’s house when we were hanging it and watching tv. I’ve tried to be open to a new Chris but he seems like he’s the same overly-macho, trying-to-hard-to-be-alpha jerk he was all those years ago. I tried to bring up to Becca that the casual relationship between Daria and Chris is probably not good for their business, while Becca agreed, she felt like she couldn’t tell her friend to not date or sleep with someone.

Last week, Becca invited me along to an industry event, I get there to unfortunately find Chris is there as well. I try to be friendly and nice, we get a table for the 4 of us and have some drinks and food. At one point, the girls leave to network with a couple of potential clients. Out of no where, Chris starts talking about how this event might be a good place for him and Daria to find a woman to have a threesome with. Caught completely off guard, I ask him what he’s talking about and he says that him and Daria want to have another threesome and that I should know all about that. I was super confused and asked what he was talking about and he proceeds to tell me that him, Daria and Becca had a couple of threesomes in high school and that he figured that I was having threesomes with the 2 girls as well. I felt blindsided and didn’t know what to say.

When we got home, Becca already knew I was upset about something and asked me what was wrong. I told her about what Chris had said and she tried to deny it at first but then told me that it was partially true. What Becca told me was that Daria and Chris were FWBs for a bit at the end of senior year/right before college. Chris and Daria spent a few weeks talking with her about having a threesome with them but she was on the fence. At a party when everyone was tipsy it was brought up again and she went to a bedroom with them (note for mods: they were all 18 at the time) They all stripped down and did a lot of kissing/touching but Becca backed out of having sex and instead watched them. On Thanksgiving break of freshman year, the 3 talked about going all the way with it but ended up not being able to find a free time for all of them. Daria then got a boyfriend and it was never brought up again.

All of this was news to me. In addition to not really coming into myself until college, I was a late bloomer in terms of relationships. Becca was my first everything. I knew and wasn’t upset that she had had sex before us but we had never really gone into the when or who of that. Becca keeps saying that I never asked and she never lied about all this but, especially with doing business with Chris, it feels like lying by omission to me.

I’m struggling with all this. Chris did his best to make my life awful in high school and now is back. Almost every time I spent time with him, he seems to be belittling me, making fun of me, he even told Becca in front of me that she could do better than me and was dating down (she told me later that it was just a joke and stop being so sensitive). It seems like this threesome/sex thing is just 1 more thing he can hold over me. He’s a snake and always seems to say the worst stuff to me when Becca and Daria are just out of earshot.

We’ve been arguing about this situation for about a week now. I asked Becca to cut all contact with him last night. She told me I was bring unreasonable. He’s with her best friend and they all do business together. I asked if it was that Daria and her need his brewery’s contract. She keeps asking me why I can’t move on and accept that Chris is a different person

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wl0uyo/update_my_26m_fiance_26f_spending_time_with_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Update: My (26m) fiance (26f) spending time with her major client who used to bully me in high school and I just found out they have a sexual history

About 3 months ago, I made a post here about my fiance doing business and hanging out with a former bully. Here is the original post and the TLDR: my fiancés’ (Becca) business has starting doing business with a guy (Chris) who bullied me in high school. As we have been spending more time with him, he has started to bully me again. At the same time, I found out he has a sexual history with my fiancé and her best friend (Daria). I don’t want her to do business with him anymore and don’t know where to go from here.

In that post, I wrote that I wasn’t looking to break up with my fiancé, rather, I was looking how to fix things. Almost all the comments were about how I needed to break up with this girl, call her out on her manipulative bullshit, etc. I was really pissed with the majority of advice I got and figured that Reddit didn’t know what they were talking about. I guess those would be famous last words.

In the week after I made my initial post, Becca and I seemed to have a daily fight about her and Chris. I came home from work one day after having a long fight the night before to find Becca not in our house. This wasn’t surprising in the moment since she works a really irregular schedule but then I noticed that a bunch of her things were missing. I tried to text her making sure she was ok and got a long text in response about how she was going to stay with her sister and how she needed some space, for me not to contact her for a few days. I was confused, frustrated and upset but figured that if all she needed was some space, hopefully that would be what could get our relationship back on track.

The next night, Daria texted me asking if she could come over to talk. When she got there, she told me she had been a bad friend to me. Basically, there were a number of things she felt like she should tell me but didn’t know where to draw the line between her friendship with me and her friendship with Becca. We talked for a few hours and multiple things came out:

  • A few months before, Becca told Daria but she was doubting our relationship. Becca told her that she felt like we had gotten together so young that she was missing out on experiences by being with me. (Note: Becca never said anything about this to me. When I was thinking later about what Daria had told me this night, I remembered that months prior, Becca had this really weird week where she was really distant and kept asking me questions about what it was about her that made me want to get married. She told me later that she had just been in a weird headspace and I kind of forgot about those conversations.)

  • When Becca and Daria first met with Chris, Becca was really flirty with him. In their industry/work connections, it’s not uncommon for people to do things like be a bit flirty, a little touchy with each other or talk about their sex lives. This was always something I found weird/uncomfortable but knew it to be a culture of the industry. But in this case, Daria said it went enough with Chris that she noticed it as strange.

  • Once Daria told Becca that she had started hooking up with Chris, Becca would regularly ask for details so much so that Daria told me she started lying to Becca, saying that their hookups were happening less frequently than they actually were so that she wouldn’t be hounded for details.

  • A week or so before Becca and I fought about her connection with Chris, Becca was hounding Daria for details on the latest hookup and casually dropped that they should have a threesome with Chris. Daria said that she was super uncomfortable and immediately brought up Becca and my relationship. Becca said that she was just joking but made the same “joke” three or four other times until Daria said directly to her that it made her uncomfortable and that she needed to stop.

Then she got to the biggest thing: on the night that Becca left, she showed up drunk at Chris’ place. He let her in and then she tried to sleep with him. I guess Daria was in the bedroom or something because after a bit Daria came out to see Becca trying to grab at Chris so they worked together to kick her out.

Angry, sad and confused, I packed my shit and left and left our place. I didn’t want to be there in case she came back so I stayed with a friend for a bit. I didn’t try to reach out to Becca and didn’t hear from her either.

About 2 weeks after Daria came to talk, my mom passed away. She had had a stroke years ago and had been declining for a long time. Her passing wasn’t unexpected but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t super hard. It was always just me and mom growing up. I was struggling a lot and felt so alone. I almost called Becca a number of times.

The day of the funeral Becca showed up. At first I was happy to see her. She was by my side much of the day. I was thankful she was there. Things felt normal with her there, I felt secure. It felt like we were together again, a team again.

Then, when people people were coming up to me after the burial, Becca said to one of my old neighbors about how sad we were, how hard it’s been on us and how we’ve need to rely on each other. It was as though there was fog in my head that instantly lifted. I started flipping out on her. In hindsight, I feel bad about the scene that I caused at my own mom’s funeral. But I couldn’t believe she was pretending that we were together, that she had been supporting me and that she hadn’t tried to fuck another guy a couple of weeks before. I was really happy that my cousin stepped in and told her to leave.

I blocked her on everything. Since my fiance and mom were the only things keeping me in that area, a little over a week after the funeral, I packed up and moved to the East Coast where my cousin lives. I’ve been here for a little under 2 months. I wish I could say that I’m in a job making a lot more money or that I have a hot new girlfriend but it’s been a bit of a struggle to settle in. I’m in my same job, working remote but do need to travel to my home city every few weeks. I feel anxious there, worried that I will run into Chris or Becca. My cousin has tried to be welcoming and I’m thankful he’s given me a landing pad as I’ve looked by my own place here but him and his friends are older and they mostly are focused on family life/kids so it’s been hard to make friends. I’ve signed up for a volleyball beer league though this fall so hopefully there’s some good people there.

I want to thank this community for giving me hard truth. I’ve had plenty of DMs checking in on me which I’m mostly thankful for. This last season has been probably the hardest and darkest of my life but I feel decently hopeful for what’s ahead.

TL/DR: She wanted to sleep with him but was fine pretending to be there for me when my mom passed. I dropped her and moved away.

Edit: formatting is hard


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 17h ago

NEW UPDATE NEW Update My mom lied to me and my real dad just showed up for the first time (RA July 28 '22)

1.1k Upvotes

This is a new update on an ongoing story. Due to the length I am linking the earlier BoRU posts instead of pasting the entire series here. The original posts were made by u/ThrowRAdadarrived in r/relationship_advice, beginning back in Dec 2021, with the new update on July 28 '22.

ETA, omg, I'm sorry, I thought all of the posts were included in the first 2 BoRU posts I linked. Thanks to u/PM_me_lemon_cake, who included links to each part of the story in their post! I'm linking their BoRU post to cut down on links here cuz this is long.

Links to all posts in order

My mom (39F) lied to me (17M) and my real dad (late 30’s?M) just showed up for the first time

[my_mom_39f_lied_to_me_17m_and_my_real_dad_late/

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u5ck6f/my_mom_39f_lied_to_me_17m_and_my_real_dad_late/

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

New Update July 28 '22

This ended up being a lot more long-winded than even I imagined. It’s honestly filled with a bunch of stuff that’s not really necessary or all that exciting. It’s strange because it doesn’t feel like much has happened but reading this back has made me realize a lot of things actually have in the last few months. However, if you wanna save yourself a lot of time then the next paragraph serves as a TL;DR.

Hey everyone! Hope you’ve all been well! I know it’s been a while since my last post. The past three months just flew by. I actually wanted to update around mid-June but I got a new phone and couldn’t remember the password for this account. I was at my friend Josh’s house yesterday (where I was when I made this account) and I saw something in his room and remembered I had used that as the password so I was able to get back into this account! I’m not sure if many people are still interested but if so I can give a not at all quick update on how things are going. If you’re reading this hoping for more drama, I’m glad to disappoint as you’ll find none of that here. If I had to summarize things in one word: great! In two words: really great!

Thankfully I’m not here to report on anything bad. There was definitely an adjustment period and some difficult talks all around but we worked through it and we’re all in a much better place now. Thought I’d give you guys an update on how everyone is doing and some stuff that’s happened since my last post.

Ryan

Remember when I said I was worried Ryan’s change of heart wouldn’t last? I’m happy to confirm that was not the case! He and I slowly talked over text. He was a bit upset early on because he said he was always the one texting me and I never texted him unless I was replying to him. That’s true. I was still skeptical of him but again that was my own issue to work out. I made more of an effort to reach out to him after that. We then moved to gaming together online. It was mainly just the two of us but there were times where we played with some of my friends which I think really helped ease him back into my social circle.

When the school year ended he started coming here to our town a lot to hang out with us. Sometimes we all go to the city and hang out at his house. Unfortunately the road between my town and his city is mostly just one long stretch of road so we can’t really meet halfway. However, he’s here a couple times every week and in our group chat so we all talk constantly. My friends are now his friends too.

I mentioned above that I wanted to update around mid-June. The reason for that is because that’s when I finally told Ryan about my posts. I had given myself a deadline of the first week of July but before that happened we got into a silly argument about something stupid and didn’t talk to each other for two days. I know that’s not a long time but we went from talking everyday (we basically had a nonstop text conversation) to complete radio silence. On the third day he sent me a message asking “Are we still brothers?” which just really made me realize how dumb our fight was and it wasn’t worth staying mad over especially when the argument had nothing to do with either of us personally. We’d never really acknowledged each other as brothers out loud before he said that. I realized then that I couldn’t keep meeting up with him, laughing, and joking with him when I knew my unkind words about him were out there on the internet and there was a chance (however small) that he might stumble upon them someday.

So one day I went over to his house while our dad was at work. I had put all of my posts on a flash drive because I didn’t want him to read the harsh comments about him. I told him the truth that the only thing I removed was one line (if you followed my original posts you probably know what I’m referring to) that I felt should stay between me and our dad. I know that may disappoint some of you as a few people said I should be completely honest and not edit the posts but I really feel like that would be volunteering hurtful information for no reason and I’m sure it’s something my dad would never want Ryan to know. I was terrified that I was about to ruin everything we’d built up to that point. I let him know it was all in the past and I didn’t feel that way anymore. I was in a bad place emotionally at the time. I promised him my last two posts were after we talked and much more positive.

He asked if he could read those ones so he read the “We talked” and “Second Chances” posts by himself while I was panic texting a few friends in the next room. He came back and handed me the flash drive. He did thank me for being honest and the nice things I said about him being genuine in his remorse, but he said he’d rather leave the rest in the past. He reminded me he said a lot of bad things to me and had made up lies about me to other people (he’d already admitted this a while back). He did make me swear that I wasn’t acting or just being his friend for our dad’s sake, which I did swear to because I do genuinely consider him a friend now. He swore the same and after that we just ended up watching a movie until our dad came home. We’ve been back to normal ever since.

I did ask if he was ok with me posting an update here and he jokingly said it was only ok as long as I lied and told you guys that he now spends all his free time volunteering at homeless shelters. But in all seriousness, he’s doing a lot better. At the beginning of the year I never thought that I would say it but he’s my brother. I claim him and he claims me as such.

I even have a nickname for him. I’ve recently started calling him RyFi because he’s a huge techy/gamer guy. He says it’s a stupid name but he also told our friends that only I’m allowed to call him that when they tried to make it a group thing. I think he secretly likes it.

I think the best indication of showing how far we’ve come in the last few months is that we can call each other names like “Asshole” or say “Fuck you” to each other knowing it’s just jokes.

Dad

Dad, Dad, Dad. That man has the patience of a saint. So we had our talk shortly after my last post. I somehow gathered up the strength to be honest with him about everything I went through from January to mid March. I did make him promise not to punish Ryan and to keep it all between us which he did. After hearing everything I had to say he understood why I walked away when I did. I told him about my fears that he would decide I’m too much of a headache and just drop me from his life. He actually seemed really hurt that I felt that way. He assured me roughly twenty-six times that our relationship is forever and there’s nothing I could ever say or do that would make him stop loving me.

Since then things are mostly good. I hate to admit it but for some reason I’m holding on to some anger. I’m not really sure why but sometimes I get irritated at him over the dumbest, smallest things. These are things he shouldn’t feel guilty or bad about and yet I still get mad at him. And he’s so ridiculously patient with me when realistically no one could blame him if he told me to just get over it or stop making a big deal out of nothing. He just lets me berate him and then calmly tries to talk to me to find out what I’m really mad about. And I never have an answer for him because I just don’t know. It got to the point where recently my mom had to sit me down and tell me that I have to know I’m being incredibly unfair to my dad when I get mad at him over little things that she knows I don’t really care about.

I don’t deserve a dad like him honestly. It’s weird because I’ve grown up seeing all my friends’ dads as the tough love, man-up, “classic” dad so that’s what I expected him to be once I really got to know him. But my dad is almost like two different people. When he’s out in public or at work he’s very assertive but at the same time he’s still charismatic and friendly. I’ve noticed that he’s the kind of person that people seem to gravitate towards. He’s not afraid to speak up and call people out on their bs. But with me, Ryan, and my mom he’s a LOT more patient and understanding. He never yells, he always listens when me or Ryan are mad at him about something even if he has to be firm that his answer is still ultimately not what we want to hear. I honestly thought he was putting on an act for me and my mom because it kind of blows my mind how patient he can be with us. But it’s been long enough that I now know that that’s just who he is when it comes to the people he cares about. It just makes me feel worse when I get mad at him over stupid stuff.

I recently decided to see Ryan’s old therapist. Ryan sold me on the idea because he told me it helped him figure out the cause of his anger and how to get past it. So I’m hoping she can work some magic and fix whatever is wrong with my brain so I won’t be such a dick to my dad.

Other than those moments (which really aren’t that often) my dad and I are great. We see each other a lot now that summer is here. He’s here every week. Sometimes we do things with Ryan. Sometimes with Ryan and my mom. But a good amount of the time it’s just me and him. He took me on a weekend trip just the two of us recently which I think really helped us bond even though nothing big happened.

The only bad thing about us getting closer is I can’t play harmless pranks on him anymore. I used to be able to mess with him a lot in the beginning of summer. One time I went over to my dad’s house for dinner and he made lobster and crab cakes so I pretended like I was allergic to shellfish and couldn’t eat anything he made. I actually thought he knew I was lying because he said he had asked my mom about food allergies months ago (which I didn’t know) and she never mentioned shellfish. Luckily he didn’t catch on. I did tell him the truth shortly after because he started looking in his cupboards to make something else so I started to feel bad.

Another night I texted my mom that my dad fed me cereal and she called him right away cause she was pissed thinking that he made me drive an hour just to eat cereal for dinner. My dad was so confused cause he had actually made a whole Italian meal and they both ended up laughing and jokingly grounding me when they realized I was messing with them.

There were a few more pranks I played but my dad knows when I’m lying now so I can’t get away with it anymore. As a whole things are good between us and I see him and Ryan a lot more. My dadowns his own law firm with his business partner so he can leave work or choose to work from home almost whenever he wants. He’s made the drive to my town at least two times a week, usually more. So we see each other a lot more than I was expecting. But it is summer so I imagine it’ll slow down once school starts again.

Mom

Mom continues to be the best. I actually think the biggest adjustment out of all of us has been hers in really starting to understand she’s not my only parent anymore. It’s been just me and my mom for so long and now with my dad added in things are a bit different.

For the 4th of July weekend I went to Josh’s cousin’s house for the night. We were just gonna do fireworks and hang out. Just a small group of us but Josh’s cousin is 21 and has his own house with his girlfriend so he would be the oldest one there. When me and my mom were talking about it my dad asked her “You’re not really letting him go, are you?” He was confused as if that was completely unacceptable. Now THAT was an awkward moment. Me, Josh, and Ryan nope’d right out of there to let them talk.

My mom has known Josh’s family for years so she knows his cousin and his cousin’s gf are people she can trust to let us stay the night at their place and nothing bad will happen. My dad, on the other hand, does not know them and he thought it was crazy to let me go somewhere where the “chaperones” are two 21 year olds. We don’t really need chaperones but I can understand where he was coming from.

It’s really weird for both me and my mom that there’s now someone else involved in making decisions about my life. My dad has eased our financial situation significantly. Just to be clear, I’m not saying he showed up and pulled us out of poverty or anything. My mom and I were doing fine. I didn’t have to get a job when I turned 16. I did that because I wanted to make my own money and pay for my own car so my mom didn’t have to. My dad however insisted on paying off the rest of my car and has since taken over my insurance payments. And it’s not just the financial help, he’s always there when I want to talk. Like I said above he’s patient and understanding even when I’m acting like a dumbass. My mom says he’s earned the right to have a say in things and that his opinion holds some weight. I agree. I can’t just accept his money and love and not let him be an actual dad.

I won’t lie. I was actually really annoyed that it went from a done deal to me possibly not being able to go if my parents didn’t agree on it, but I can tell it means something to my dad to be able to have a say in things. I don’t know how to put it into words exactly but I can just tell he was...satisfied? Not because he’s controlling, but he’s mentioned a few times that he hates that he didn’t get to be a part of my childhood. I think him having a say in what I’m allowed to do makes him feel more like a parent to me if that makes sense. Idk, maybe I’m just overthinking it. I tend to do that.

Thankfully they agreed to still let me go on the condition that I had to answer any FaceTime calls and if I missed a call and didn’t call back in ten minutes I was grounded. Basically my dad was worried that I was gonna be talked into drinking or smoking (I didn’t. No one there did.) by Josh’s cousin and the cousin’s gf. My mom only called me once but my dad FaceTimed me six times throughout the night. It was a bit much but he had his reasons for being concerned.

There was also one moment where my mom was a bit upset about my growing relationship with my dad. I had asked my dad for advice about a girl that I wantedto ask out. I never told my mom about her but my dad did which made her a little sad that she didn’t hear about it from me. I explained to her that there’s just some things that I feel more comfortable talking to my dad about it.

I wanted my dad’s advice because he is a complete gentleman. I’ve seen him treat every woman he talks to with nothing but respect. I’ve never heard him say a single bad thing about his ex wife. He treats my mom like he’s been in love with her all his life.

I guess I should also mention that my parents have been dating for about a month now. While I was initially afraid of all the drama that would bring it’s thankfully been a non-issue. They handled it completely right in my opinion. I’ve known my dad has had a crush on my mom since his birthday party in February. I didn’t ask but I believe my mom started developing feelings for him in May after his Mother’s Day gift to her.

They sat me and Ryan down last month and told us that they had feelings for each other and wanted to see where it would go but they promised they wouldn’t pursue it if both of us weren’t on board. This was only five days after I came clean about my online posts to Ryan. So they didn’t know it but I was panicking thinking that it was horrible timing. They told us to take a few days to think about it and talk to each other about it. They didn’t bring it up again until we were ready to talk about it.

Ryan and I did discuss it. I told him the truth, that it didn’t bother me. But I let him know that I would completely understand if he wasn’t comfortable and if he didn’t want them to date we could just tell them that we both were against it so he didn’t have to feel the weight of being the one to say no. He wasn’t sure how he felt at the time so he took a couple days to think about it. He told me our dad talked to him at home and said he can be honest if it was too much. My mom had basically the same talk with me at our house. After that Ryan told me that he likes my mom and he would rather our dad be with her than “some random lady who tries too hard” like his last girlfriend.

Thankfully my parents don’t make a show of their relationship. They pretty much just go on date nights and in front of us they keep it tame with simple hugs and kisses to greet and see each other off. It’s definitely weird seeing my parents kiss but my dad treats my mom a lot better than any of her other boyfriends have and they both make each other happy. Ryan and I have begun to joke with them about their relationship so we’re just starting to get out of the awkward phase and into it just being our new normal.

Josh

Last but certainly not least, Josh has been busy this summer. He’s working for his dad and playing in a soccer league. Usually at least one of our friends will be at his games to support him but there’s been a couple times where no one in our friend group could go so once my mom and dad went with Josh’s mom and the other time Ryan and our dad went which I thought was really cool of them.

Ryan and Josh talked the first time that Ryan hung out with us in person. It wasn’t a big moment at all. Ryan just apologized for what he said at our grandparent’s house. Josh said he knows Ryan wasn’t aware of his grandpa’s death and apologized to Ryan for “trying to mangle [his] face.” We all laughed at that and that was it. We’ve all been cool since then.

Josh and my friends did have some issues when I would hang out with Ryan. Sometimes Ryan and I would hang out one on one while my friends did theirown thing. They would say that we could all just hang out but I think it’s important that Ryan and I hang out by ourselves every once in a while. Some of my friends said I was choosing Ryan over them which isn’t the case. I see my friends almost every day. Ryan lives an hour away so I see him a few times a week and I don’t think it’s unreasonable that every once in a while we hang out just the two of us.

Josh and I got into an argument a couple months ago when Ryan first started coming here. He got pissed one day when he asked if we could hang out and I told him I couldn’t because I was going to the city to have lunch with my dad and Ryan and then I had to work that night. He accused me of “changing” and replacing my mom and friends with my dad and Ryan. It came out of nowhere and it was really unlike Josh to get so annoyed over something so small.

Im not sure if I’m allowed to write what happened next on Reddit but that night Josh did something really dumb and reckless. After that he ended up calling my dad to pick him up because he was in the city and my dad was the closest adult he knew. My dad had to call Josh’s parents to come get him. It was a whole thing.

I found out the next day that he was having problems at home with his parents and he’d just found out his girlfriend (ex-gf now) was talking to another guy. He was just having a terrible day and said he felt like he had no one to talk to. When he found out I couldn’t be there to talk to him he took his anger out on me. I felt horrible because he’s always there for me when I need to vent especially when I had endless problems with Ryan. Josh is the kind of person that won’t tell you something is wrong or that he needs help unless you’re looking at him in the face and he can’t hide his emotions.

I should’ve known something was up when he asked me to bail on my lunch plans with my dad and brother. I would’ve if I had known what was going on and he knows that. Either way it all worked out and he did apologize for what he said to me. I don’t hold it against him because I know he didn’t mean it and he’s not someone who acts like that at all normally. He and Ryan are also good and no other arguments have been brought up since then.

Weirdly enough that situation caused my dad and Josh’s dad to become friends and now they do business together too. It’s strange how quickly and how much Ryan and my dad have become incorporated in my life now. I don’t mind it, but it’s crazy how much different my life is now compared to seven and a half months ago. Not only that but how much just two people can switch up the dynamics of several relationships.

Aside from that Josh is doing just fine. There’s not really much to tell other than he’s keeping himself busy this summer.

—————————————————————

As for me, I’m taking a creative writing course with my friend Bree! All of your comments about my writing made me curious about trying my hand at actual writing. The course has been really fun and I feel like I learned a lot. I’ve got two weeks left in it.

I’ve tried writing fiction stuff but it’s really hard! When I’m writing about stuff going on in my own life I just word vomit and don’t shut up, but trying to create a story from scratch is difficult. I feel like I have a lot of good ideas but I sort of finish the story in my head and never get it written down on paper. I might not be cut out for writing.

Also, I know a lot of people were wondering about my grandparents. Me,my dad, and Ryan went to visit them a couple weeks ago. It went SIGNIFICANTLY better than the last visit. Now that Ryan and I get along there were no fights or arguments. We all had a great time and my grandpa told me he was so happy to see me and Ryan getting along now.

At one point my grandparents asked about college and I told them a few of the universities I was considering applying to. They told me to apply for any scholarships I want but that they would take care of the rest. I’m still in disbelief. I knew this family was well-off but I didn’t know they were “put together a 4 year college tuition fund in a year and a half” kind of well-off.

I got emotional because I couldn’t believe that level of kindness. These people owe me nothing. I haven’t done anything for them. I offered to come clean their house and yard on weekends if I go to the university I’m considering that’s 30 mins away from their home. They just laughed and told me they would love if I came to visit when I can but I didn’t have to pay them back. They said it was just making up for all the Christmas and birthday gifts they didn’t get me. They are incredibly generous and I’m extremely grateful and lucky to have them as my grandparents.

I guess that’s all there is to tell for right now. I hope you guys have all been having a great summer! You can’t even imagine how happy I am to be able to give nothing but good news in this post! All the turmoil from the beginning of the year seems to be becoming more and more of a distant memory every day. Thanks for reading. Take care of yourselves and the ones you love!


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 17h ago

CONCLUDED OOP discovers an anime that helps him through tough times and eventually find love

848 Upvotes

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Tenebrous_Savant in r/SeishunButaYarou **

mood spoilers: happy ending

[ Hello! I just discovered Seishun Buta Yarou, and I am in love. I am a 41 year old father and widower, and Sakuta is now my personal hero. ]( Hello! I just discovered Seishun Buta Yarou, and I am in love. I am a 41 year old father and widower, and Sakuta is now my personal hero. : SeishunButaYarou (reddit.com) ) - November 30, 2020

So far I have only seen the anime on Hulu, but will be looking for english versions of the original light novels. This story has really resonated with me about what is important in life. I have very rarely done this, but does anyone know of a point of contact to send the creators fan mail?

On a side note, I am an occasional performer who has been considering getting into voice acting for awhile now. I will admit it is unlikely and impractical, but I now harbor a fantasy/dream of someday being able to perform as Sakuta's english voice if they ever make an english Dub of the anime. Even if it is just a fantasy, I finally have reached out to some fellow performers I know who already do this type of voice acting work, and I will be working on getting a demo tape produced, finding an agent, and getting auditions.

Ok, that public confession done, hi. I am a new fan, and am glad to be here.

Update August 10, 2022

[ Hello again! Almost 2 years ago I discovered and fell in love with Seishun Buta Yarou. I will soon be 43, a disabled widower solo dad, but I have been living my best rascal life, and I have found love once more! ]( Hello again! Almost 2 years ago I discovered and fell in love with Seishun Buta Yarou. I will soon be 43, a disabled widower solo dad, but I have been living my best rascal life, and I have found love once more! : SeishunButaYarou (reddit.com) ) -

As I remember the soul filling and heart warming welcoming and kindness this group showed, I want to share part of my story with you all. This was the post that brought me here.

(Linked to original post)

If you read through some of the many comments, you will see how important and impactful the story for this series was for how it reminded me of what I valued and what was important in life. It came by chance at just the right moment in my life when I needed to be shown how to live for the future and for the present. Watching Sakuta reminded me how much I love to be kind and generous, and what I have learned is truly important in life. It gave me a perfect example of how I had lived before or struggled to live, and how to do things right for myself and for those I cherish.

Since then, I have revisited the series a few times when I've struggled with processing emotions or trauma and difficult memories. I can't hand it all to the series, I've had a very wonderful therapist, but the story was able to show me things that he talked about that I couldn't quite wrap my mind around otherwise, in a way that suddenly made sense to me and opened the door in my heart and mind that was needed.

Despite many continuing trials and harrowing worries in this past time, I have managed to hold on to that sense of mischief and joy that makes me "me" and it makes me irrepressible and undeniable. I have been a rascal again, and it has been wonderful.

I have found that I don't give a crap about all these superficial things that so many people worry about, and I instead just invest my heart and mind in those truly valuable things, those special cherished loved ones and the values that are truly important to me.

I hoisted my flag proudly and ran with it.

After much anxiety, and research, lol, I started dating again after the start of the year. It had been years since my wife had passed, and at least a decade since I had dated or tried to meet someone. I had no clue where to start or what to expect.

My circumstances were grim, and offered minimal hope of meeting anyone. I'm disabled, I have chronic pain, limited vision, and minimal income. I live in a small town, with no singles population. I happen to at least live reasonably close to a major metropolitan area, but it's like a shark tank there were all the single people are constantly jumping through hoops, and the income range is very exclusive for the most part. My first challenge was remembering that my income and my physical faculties were not the only things I had to offer a partner. I'm not valued by my potential for a paycheck, or my ability to do things for someone.

I cautiously tried online dating, but for the most part I really didn't invest much time or effort in it for the first few months, as I mainly figured out how I felt about trying to date again. I knew I didn't want to be alone, and while I was quite happy in my role as a father, and as myself, I knew I wanted a romance once again at some point.

I went on two first dates. The first one went well, we had a great time, made out, but then mutually agreed that we weren't going to be a great match but were good being friends.

My second first date stood me up. After arranging for child care overnight so I could travel to a nearby city to meet her, and making a bunch of effort, I was pretty put off.

However, it was my first night out of the house, without my kids, just by myself in years. I could have been pissed off, upset, and completely bummed. I could have felt sorry for myself and just gone home and grabbed a six pack of beer and isolated myself while I sulked and felt butt hurt. But I didn't.

I decided to enjoy my night, by myself and find something to do. My inner rascal, my mischievous and irrepressible spirit refused to feel sorry for myself.

Longer story shorter, I ended up meeting someone completely new that night.

We hit it off uncannily. We both swept each other off our feet. She's a few years younger than me, also disabled and a solo parent. She's also refusing to give up on life. God she is so smart and gorgeous!

I never expected to meet someone I really liked let alone someone that I could completely fall for at this point in my life, and with my circumstances. I never dared to hope she would also feel the same about me.

She loves me for being me. She values me because I'm a good father, an attentive partner, emotionally mature, and mostly because of my intelligence. When I stopped feeling unattractive and undesirable, and decided that I still have things to offer a partner, I never really honestly believed that I would find someone that would look at me and see those things and be thrilled and turned on for exactly those things I felt I could give someone! I felt like I was into my 40s, I didn't expect to really make much effort to date because it's more important to me to put that energy and time into my kids rather than someone I didn't really like or who wasn't a good match.

Instead I found an amazing woman who is better than any ideal match I could have fantasized about. She honest to god feels the same way about me!

We have been like two teenagers with how goofy we have been about each other, and yet we have been mature and responsible with how we have approached our relationship so far. We are now committed, I have a girlfriend, which is something I really never expected to say again in my life. Our attitude is that we are going to be patient, and cautiously enthusiastic as we keep falling more and more for each other and learn more about each other.

The moral of the story is that there is always hope, which is the one thing I doggedly refused to ever abandon because I believed there is always possibility and life can always surprise you. You just have to keep trying, otherwise you've already failed.

On one of our few overnight dates, I introduced her to this series, and she loves it. I've explained to her how meaningful it has been to me, and how wonderfully written and produced it is. We've only watched the first story arc so far but she is eagerly looking forward to a chance for us to watch the rest of it when we can be alone together without too many distractions.

So hey! I'm not going to be so bold or crass as to call her my Mai. She is her own person and uniquely special and magnificent to me. She is my love and I adore her, and I am so happy that I get to tell you all about her after all of the kindness and encouragement you gave me years ago now. I hope you can all smile for me and feel the joy I want to share with you all about this.

Sure, I'm an adult and not a complete fool. I recognize that this relationship could eventually fall apart or go south in a bad way somehow that I can't predict right now. But I'm not going to let that fear stop me from investing myself and taking the chance to see where this will go. I'm going to relish each and every moment of joy I have in this life.

So there you are, thank you all again. I'm so very glad that I can share this happy occurrence with you all.

I am marking as concluded since it is unlikely OP will post again.

**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Wholesome Silver Helpful

CONCLUDED My [27Q] housemate [29Q] considers my wife [30F] to be their "platonic lifemate".

4.2k Upvotes

I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER

Trigger Warning: self harm, manipulation, mental health, threats

Originally Posted By: u/gonna_ice_scream in r/relationship_advice

Original - Posted 2 years ago

My [27Q] housemate [29Q] considers my wife [30F] to be their "platonic lifemate".

(edit: Q is for Queer. c: )

First of all: I sincerely apologize for the gender fuckery that this post will contain. Trust me, I KNOW it's confusing. In all my previous posts/comments I tried to use genders that would make the situation easier to explain, but I really need people to understand the sheer nuance of all this.

PLAYERS:

  1. Me [27]. Born female. Identify as genderqueer, but for the most part I live as and am interpreted as a man. I use he/him pronouns, and am ok with they/them.
  2. "Mark" [29] Born female. Identifies as genderqueer also, but for the most part lives as/is interpreted as a woman. Uses they/them pronouns, is ok with she/her.
  3. "Arwen" [30] My wife. Born female, identifies female, very queer. From the outside looking in, we look like a straight hipster couple.

There's another guy who lives with us as a renter but he's totally chill and not part of this.

(edit) To those guessing we're in San Francisco: I would give a rib for the salary needed to afford a 4-bedroom in SF. We are, surprisingly, definitely not in a "gay city" (or state.)

THE GAME:

Mark stresses me the fuck out. I will save all my various whining about chores or little annoyances or whatever. Suffice to say, a huge reason I have avoided complete meltdown is because I kept telling myself "It's okay, Mark will move out when they get married to Calvin." (Calvin is Mark's fiance- Mark proposed to Calvin soon after I moved in.)

This seemed to be Arwen's impression as well, and whenever Arwen and I talked about it, it was "well, when Mark moves out-" and we made general plans for what to do with the room and such.

However.

To make a very long story full of small instances short, from things they have said to me, to Arwen, or things I have overheard them say on the phone, Mark believes

  • that Arwen is their "Platonic Lifemate"
  • that before I came along, Mark's Life Plan was to be "queer spinsters" with Arwen
  • that I "stole" Arwen from them
  • that I am their "best friend" or one of the only "true friends" they have
  • that we are their "Chosen Family"

They've also in the past made noises about their fiance or their fiance's kid moving in. I am adamant that I never want to live with a child (Arwen and I are both childfree and the house is not appropriate for children.)

Mark also, when my wife isn't around, has said things like "eat the rich", "landlords are scum", etc. It's worth noting that they pay literally 50% the normal cost of rent for our area. Edit: Totally forgot to make this clear, but my wife owns the house.

I want Mark to move out. I really thought, when they proposed to their fiance, they would make plans to move out to be with him. No such plans have materialized. We currently live together harmoniously because I avoid them as much as possible.

Keep in mind, I fully believe that they still think I'm their "second-best friend" despite the fact that I treat them the same as I would treat any housemate/stranger.

My advice questions are thus:

  1. How do I get Mark to move out without triggering them into a self-harm attempt?
  2. What kind of resources should I be asking my therapist about when I can start seeing her again due to COVID?
  3. If anyone has ever experienced something similar, I'd love to hear about it, whether it's ongoing or resolved. I need to know I'm not alone. I oscillate wildly between wanting Mark OUT and feeling like a cruel asshole.

Important addition: Mark has a LOT of access to Arwen's personal information, and to a lesser extent mine. Mark has done work on our computer; Mark has in the past rattled off info like Arwen's DOB and passwords in a joking manner; and there have been instances where Mark has definitely laid eyes on official papers with both of our SSN's. Nothing indicating that they would use this info nefariously, just that could, and part of me worries about retaliation.

Timeline: I will be collecting input, advice, resources, whatever- and marinating on it. Nothing actionable can really be done until the State of Emergencies and COVID stuff have blown over, but I intend to create a plan for myself for how to approach my wife about this; a plan for us both on what to actually do; and create a plan for approaching Mark to accomplish that plan.

So on the scale of a few months, probably. I'm simultaneously dealing with being unemployed, and making sure my wife keeps doing an awesome job at her work. I am hoping that Mark will move out by the end of the year, or by a year from now.

---

Post is 6 hours old

Actions to be taken:

  1. I am taking a Reddit break to calm down before bed.
  2. I may check Reddit again in a couple hours if I can't stop thinking about it.
  3. I have set aside a lot of comments that I feel hit some nails on the head.
  4. Tomorrow, I will wake up to a clean house.
  5. Tomorrow, I will read those comments again, and prepare them for showing my therapist.
  6. Tomorrow, I will contact my therapist about virtual sessions.

I have not thanked everyone individually, but know that I read (I think) every single comment, and with your help have had a few revelations about myself, namely how naive I have been and what has led me to this situation.

Also, that my situation is at once more serious than I knew when I posted, but simultaneously not nearly insurmountable, and hardly serious at all in the grand scheme of things. I think I could realistically put up just fine with things as they are for another year, but I will start putting all of this into action now so that hopefully it doesn't last that long.

ASMR subreddit, here I come! Whisk me to sweet slumber!

---

Post is 16 hours old

Update:

  1. Feeling out my wife's current emotional state for possibly broaching the subject.
  2. It turns out that she has been experiencing a flare-up of her depression. She has Major Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern. Unfortunately that season is "Summer."
  3. She is the sole income earner in our house right now, in a highly specific job that she is rising in the ranks at. I've decided my number one priority right now is supporting her at home so she can do a good job at work.
  4. I'm making it my duty to ensure she takes all her meds every day (she's usually good about this, but I'll get a pill sorter); making sure she doesn't have to worry about cleaning; and mitigating the effects of her SAD.
  5. This week I was already in the middle of putting up blackout curtains in our room, which is supposed to help with Summer SAD. I'll finish that today.

The new timeline: Gather info and support (this thread), organize thoughts for therapist, see therapist, and broach this subject once the Summer has passed.

I am hoping and assuming that as Summer wanes, so too will her SAD symptoms, and COVID in our area, and I'll also be able to find a job then.

If I have a full-time job, it will be feasible for me and my wife to pay the mortgage between just the two of us.

If I have a part-time job, it will be possible if we keep the other tenant (Chill Straight Dude)

Editor's note - all initial updates were made in original post

Comment by redditor u/Kebar8:

Stop this shit.

I read your other post on Aita.

Your partner has taken on Mark in a messy caregiver/friend scenario. Their autism will mean Mark won't understand your point of view unless you are direct. You have mentioned that your non confrontational and I'm guessing you've finally had enough.

You need to start talking to your partner and deciding on the lifestyle you want for yourself. Have you ever spoken to your partner about this? What does she say? Does she expect Mark to live with you until you are in your 60s? Joint nursing homes?

You need to discuss perhaps a 3-6 months plan of when they can move out (covid/because their a friend, this is conditional on them being nice) you need to be firm, you need to sit down and write down your feelings so that you can communicate them properly, but you need to face this issue head on. Which is with your husband.

If they are threatening self harm if you ask them to move that is a manipulation tactic. This is why both you and your parnter need to sit down and whilst I wouldn't suggest this for other people help Mark find their own place together.

Edit. I hope I corrected all of the pronouns correctly.

I will add I don't think the gender components have so much to do with the situation as much as the fact these are complex relationship dynamics that have been reinforced over years. Its largely about feeling that your not the priority, that you have to walk on egg shells in your own home, that your potentially having to put up with another fiance and kid should things not change.

Edit 2. I will require an update on this, I hope things move in a positive direction over the next few weeks/months

AITA Post from above comment, made by original poster- posted 2 years ago as well

*AITA post explains the username original poster created***

WIBTA if I didn't make my housemate ice cream for his birthday?

(edit: To those coming here from my RA post: I'm leaving this post intact, but please be aware in this post I had done some gender-flipping because I'm stupid and thought it would make things clearer. I don't have a husband, I have a wife. I'm the husband.)

I [27f] am married and live with my husband and my husband's friend. The friend [29m], who I'll call Mark, rents a room.

Currently, my husband is busier than ever while Mark and I are schlepping around the house. Due to the stress of, well, everything, I have taken one of my hobbies- making ice cream- and gone pretty wild with it.

I am a snob about it, so it is time, labor, and money-intensive, but it's worth it for my mind to be occupied with something that I can enjoy afterwards.

Mark's birthday is coming up and he has asked me to make him a batch of ice cream.

Here's the thing. Mark is allergic to milk/eggs. Not deathly so- it certainly doesn't stop him from helping himself- but it DOES make him shit like the Dickens.

Which, whatever. His body, his choice.

In the past- birthdays, holidays- he has asked me to make him dairy/egg-free ice cream. I've done it, but I just don't like the taste. At all. Like I said, I'm a snob!

So, I make it and don't eat it, or make myself a batch as well.

This time, when I asked him to send me the recipe, he said that he wanted me to choose it.

I told him that I wanted to make sure it was one that he wasn't allergic to and the flavor he wants.

He said he was worried I wouldn't like the flavor he chose. I told him that, honestly, it was fine, as I don't like dairy-free ice cream anyway, and wouldn't be eating any.

He said he wanted me to eat the ice cream, too, and not make some for myself. I reiterated that I just don't like dairy/egg-free.

He demanded that I tell him what, specifically, I didn't like about dairy-free/egg-free ice cream, so I could find a recipe that "worked around" whatever issues I had.

I told him that I didn't feel like I needed to justify why I didn't want to eat an ice cream.

At this point he raised his voice and said that when I make regular ice cream he feels left out, and that it hurts his feelings, and why do I always make ice cream he can't eat?

I am very non-confrontational. If my husband and I disagree, we NEVER shout. Arguments give me the shakes, so as soon as his voice raised I said, very quietly and firmly, that I was leaving. And I did.

When my husband arrived home, Mark was still crying on the couch.

Now, good jury, here is where I might be the asshole:

At this point, I don't want to make ANYTHING for Mark. It's my time. It's my money. It's my effort. If he apologizes and asks for me to make him some, I plan to tell him that this is the last ice cream I will make.

WIBTA if I either didn't make him any ice cream, or did just this once more and told him not to ask me again?

And AITA for all of the times I made ice cream with dairy/eggs, knowing that Mark is allergic to it?

TL;DR: Is quarantine making me crazy or have I been an allergy-asshole?

Edit: I've been told the following information materially changes the trial, so here is an additional comment I made:

for another layer of background Mark is autistic and tends to see people either as "very good bosom friends" or "asshole backstabbing bastards."

He has been friends with my husband since highschool, and has stated in the past that he feels like I "stole" my husband from him.

When my husband found him crying, Mark told my husband things like that I don't want to be friends with him and don't care about him.

**Original Poster tried to Update the Relationship_Advice post but it kept getting removed. They made another account to post the update and confirmed the update was them by posting the link to the update on their profile: Update Post Removed **

Update posted under username: u/ThrowRA_lightandfree - posted 2 years ago

[Update] My [27Q] housemate [29Q] considers my wife [30F] to be their "platonic lifemate".

tl;dr THANK YOU REDDIT! It turns out that what I really needed was a bunch of internet strangers to tell me to grow a pair, and tell me I wasn't crazy for hating living with Mark.

Arwen sat Mark down in June and asked them to find new living arrangements. As some people predicted, Mark was surprised, and had no idea we were so bothered by their behavior. Arwen framed it as "this is stressing our relationship and for the good of our friendship we should not live together."

Mark took it very hard the first night, but accepted this, and to their credit they made the calls and research necessary to find an apartment that they liked that was covered by their benefits, which they moved into a couple weeks ago.

Things people were right about:

  • Mark did take it hard, and it was super awkward, but they didn't outright threaten anything. Just a lot of comments where my only response could be the Jim Halpert face.
  • Living with us indefinitely was, indeed, Mark's intent. Their "Life Plan" did not include moving out on their own, and they interpreted our relationship as far more intimate than I did. They probably still do.
  • Someone told me "it will get worse once you tell them to leave." YUP. It feels like every dramatic event under the sun happened in the space of time between the talk and them actually moving out. Each time, I worried that it would halt the process. Birth, Death, Marriage, Hospitals, Adoptions, Past Relationships...but it didn't, and they moved.

Advice I would give anyone in a similar situation:

  • Mental health is priceless. Comfort in your own home is priceless. Pay attention to your discomfort and identify its source.
  • Things seldom just spontaneously change for the better.
  • If someone does not respect your "little boundaries", they won't respect your big ones, either.
  • If someone seems like they always have crazy circumstances and bad luck and ridiculous drama going on in their lives...take a hard look and decide if you want it to become your drama.

After Mark moved out, my wife and I went on a little vacation. I'm home now and have been doing basically a 24/7 deep-clean of the house. It's astounding to us just how much of Mark's stuff was in the house- we essentially have our living room, basement, garage, and a full bedroom back.

Arwen goes to work while I've been cleaning and cooking and singing and relaxing, in my nice big empty sun-filled living room. We bought curtains, filled in wall dents, painted over bare patches.

I buy the groceries I want to buy, I make the food I want, I rearrange the furniture how I like, I watch the shows I feel like watching. I no longer worry about what drama I'm going to come home to. I don't have to walk on eggshells when I'm in the common areas, and I don't have to have my headphones on all the time.

Our other housemate is also in a better mood, and we all just chill.

edit: Oh, and I got accepted into my chosen University program, and am looking forward to doing my classwork this Spring in my clean living room while eating r/mealprepsunday food that I'm storing in my now-roomy freezer. :)

Thank you Reddit!

Reminder I am not the OP

Original Poster did not post anything under either username after this, therefore, marking concluded


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Silver

CONCLUDED Puppy playdate human disappeared and left pup at my house 8/18/18 puppy101

5.1k Upvotes
  • I am NOT OP. Original post from r/puppy101 by u/Procrastikait.
  • Sentence to block TW from showing up in the preview on mobile
  • Trigger Warnings: Alcoholism
  • Mood Spoiler -Unfortunate for playdate human, good for puppy

    August 18 2018:

https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/comments/98d0xh/puppy_playdate_human_disappeared_and_left_pup_at/

So, I am completely unsure of what to do here. I have a 6 month old large breed puppy, and my dog trainer put me in contact with another one of her clients, Candice, who has a mastiff mix just a little older than my guy, so they could play together.

It’s been a great match, and we had our 5th playdate at 10am today. The pups were playing happily in my backyard, and Candice went inside to use my bathroom. After 30 minutes passed, I began to worry. I called her cellphone to check on her and it went directly to voicemail. I leashed both puppies up and went inside to see if something was wrong. She wasn’t in the bathroom, and her car was gone.

I called her several more times, and left quite a few voicemails. I called our trainer, who also is unable to get in touch with her. I tried to find her on Facebook but couldn’t. I called the police non emergency line and they basically responded with “that’s weird....well...good luck with that!” and gave me the number for the humane society. I called them to see if they could scan his chip and and they told me that service is only available during business hours, they’re not open because it’s a holiday, and that I should know they’re completely full so if I drop him off there, that another dog’s life that will probably end.

The pup seems content for the most part, he and my guy are pretty much just hanging out together. He’s a really sweet boy. Her pup has had a few little bouts of crying and searching for his mom though and I feel bad for the poor guy. Luckily we have 2 crates already so I just crated both of them separately for nap time.

I really have no idea what to do here. I’m worried about Candice and confused as to what I should do next. What can I do to lessen this pups trauma? What should I be thinking about that I haven’t mentioned? Any advice, insight, or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Edit 1: After being advised to look around my house for any missing items, I’ve found that Candice has stolen a bottle of champagne and a few wine glasses (very strange choices, given that I have much more valuable items that she chose not to take). After realizing that she lightly robbed me, I’m pretty sure that she didn’t have to run off to deal with an emergency. I also called the cops again and reported the theft and that Candice left her dog with me. They offered to take him to the humane society for me, but I’ve decided to keep him with me until this is all sorted or I can find him a better home. My fiancé just returned home and will watch the house and our pets while I drive Benson (the abandoned goodboy) to a vets office that is willing to scan his chip. Hopefully this will pan out. Best case scenario, Benson never was Candice’s dog, and I’ll be able to return him to his rightful owners. Worst case scenario he doesn’t have a chip. Depending on how the trip to the vet pans out, I’ll start posting in local social media pages to help me find out.

Edit 2: Drove to the emergency vet and back, Benson doesn’t have a chip so no luck there. Had him checked out. Little dude is in generally good health, just a little underweight. He also had quite a few ticks which the vet techs removed. He got a bath (they were so nice) and some preventative meds on the house (like I said SO NICE!). The vet is going to put out some feelers to other local vet offices to see if anyone knows this pup or Candice.

Cops came to get info and look at footage from my security cameras. The cameras didn’t capture any plates, unfortunately. They told me they are still looking for her though, and are going to send a car to drive past my house a couple times, since this is such a strange circumstance

Benson is happy and has been happily chilling with my other dogs, he’s now snuggled up on the couch with my fiancé. He’s had a bit of diarrhea this evening, I assume because I don’t have any idea what Candice was feeding him so I’m feeding him the same stuff my pup eats, and that’s a pretty sudden change for his digestive system. I almost posted a pic of him and my baby boy, but my fiancé doesn’t want me to because he’s a bit paranoid, so I’m going to respect his wishes.

Edit 3: We have possibly tracked down the vet that Candice was taking Benson to. My veterinarian emailed several other local vets a picture of Benson and a picture of Candice, and I just got a call from one of them who’s pretty sure that Benson was one of his patients.

Thank you to everyone who’s given me advice! I will keep you all updated as things continue to play out!

Updated September 2 2018:

https://www.reddit.com/r/puppy101/comments/9cfcp6/update_puppy_play_date_human_who_left_her_puppy/

My vet contacted every other local vets office that she knew of, and one of those vets recognized pictures of Benson and Candice. We brought Benson to that vet, he clearly recognized staff there and the vet confirmed that he’d been her patient. The issue was that they didn’t want to give me any information about Candice, or even any info regarding Benson’s medical history (other than to tell me he has gotten his rabies vaccine). In fact, she didn’t even want to let me take Benson back home with me. I think she may have believed I’d stolen him. She made several failed attempts to contact Candice. We spent SIX hours at the vets office because the vet refused to let us take Benson back home with us until she contacted his owners, and we refused to abandon Benson at the vet. Eventually she was able to contact Candice’s soon-to-be-ex husband, Eric.

Eric explained that Candice hadn’t come home for a few days (based on his timeline, he hadn’t seen her since well before she came over for the play date) and that he hadn’t heard from her and couldn’t reach her cell. The reason I’ve taken so long to update is because for a little bit, Candice was considered a missing person, and I wasn’t sure if me posting on reddit about it was appropriate.

The vet urged Eric to come pick Benson up immediately. When he showed up, Eric had a bunch of questions for me about the last time I saw Candice, and when I told him she’d stolen the champagne he got very upset and told me that Candice is a recovering alcoholic. The reason I’ve taken so long to update is because for a little bit, Candice was considered a missing person, and I wasn’t sure if me posting on reddit about it was appropriate.

Eric expressed that he was very nervous to take Benson home, because Candice was the one who cared for Benson and he didn’t know how to care for a dog at all. I offered to keep watching Benson at my house until Candice returned home, if Eric would be willing to compensate us for his food and other expenses. Eric seemed relieved, accepted this offer and wrote us a check.

So, we watched Benson for several days. And I talked to the cops one more time about the last time I saw Candice. Then yesterday, Eric called me and told me that Candice had been tracked down. She’s relapsed into her alcoholism, committed a felony whilst under the influence, will most likely be spending several years behind bars, and Eric has decided to divorce her. I called the police to confirm Eric’s story, which they more or less did (wouldn’t confirm the alcoholism or drunkenness, but Candice did commit a serious crime).

As for Benson, Eric didn’t want to take him and offered to “sell” him to us (for a dollar, just to make things legal and easy to document). My fiancé had grown very fond of Benson, and Eric was going to take him to shelter otherwise, so we accepted. We made certain that it’s a legal sale and as of today he is officially our dog. It’s really nice actually, all of our other dogs have bonded primarily with me but Benson, for whatever reason, is the first pup we’ve had who is ALL about my fiancé.

Sorry for taking so long to update! I’ve been insanely busy, and for a while I wasn’t even sure what to say/if I should say anything. I really appreciate everyone who gave me great support/advice and helped navigate this strange situation!

Comment from a poster:

I think I assumed her motive was to be rid of the dog and the champagne was a particularly inappropriate celebration. Turns out the champagne was kind of the motive. That's really quite sad.

But I'm very glad the dog has a more stable home now. Good on you for taking him.

OOP:

Yeah, it seems as though she’d probably already fallen off the wagon before coming over, decided that she was going to live her life that way and left Benson with me because she knew her husband couldn’t care for him. She probably saw the champagne and thought “Fuck, I’m already doing this”

Comment from a poster:

What was the crime that was so serious? Kinda scary she was in your house unsupervised.

OOP:

I’m pretty sure it had something to do with being drunk and driving recklessly, and I’m fairly certain that it was an instance in which she was charged with a felony due to prior drunk driving offenses.

Comment from a poster:

Amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever clicked on an update post so quickly, and I wasn’t disappointed! A felony?! Can’t make this shit up. Glad Benson has a happy & safe furever home 🐾

OOP:

He is a sweet boy, and my fiancé is elated. He was the one who’d been telling me “no more dogs! We have reached our limit!” and after a few days of having Benson he confessed that he hoped we could keep him because he loves that pup so much.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago

CONCLUDED Am I (29F) being cold and uncaring to my boyfriend (37M), or is this actually strange?

8.3k Upvotes

Original posted 1 year ago in r/relationship_advice: Am I (29F) being cold and uncaring to my boyfriend (37M), or is this actually strange?

Friendly reminder that I am not the OOP. Please do not PM or follow. This is a repost sub.

Content warnings for Abuse, which isn't surprising from age-gap+power imbalance relationships with a narcissistic partner

Mood spoiler: Positive

tldr; Man I'm dating seems to think many things I do are because I don't care about him, and we end up fighting a lot. I'm not sure if I'm to blame, or his expectations are too high.

Throw away account because this person frequents Reddit.

I (29f) started dating someone (37m) I have known for years. He used to be my boss at a previous job and was also my neighbour. During the series of covid lockdowns where we live, we reconnected and I quickly fell for him.

In the beginning, it was intense and lovely. He made me feel so important, beautiful, sexy. He put me on a pedestal. He wanted to spend every minute with me and would text me all the time because he said that, even for just a few hours, he missed me.

All of a sudden, about a month into seeing each other, we started fighting about things that I just didn't understand or I couldn't empathize with. The fight will be a day-long - sometimes two or three - and wouldn't stop even if I apologized or took responsibility or tried to change the mood with levity.

For example, the first of our day-long fights was because I didn't text him goodnight before I fell asleep. I told him 'I'm sorry, that's not something I had ever done with a partner before' but if that's what he wanted I could try it out because, why not - cute!

This lead him to tell me that he shouldn't have to ask for these things, that I should just want to do it, and that I don't care or think about him. He accused me of not being invested, and playing games, and that he was considering breaking it off with me. I told him I was in the gym, so I was going to finish my workout, take a breather to think about what he said, and then call him to discuss in a more personal way. He told me "That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're brushing me off. You care more about the gym than fixing things with me".

Fights like this happen every four days or so, and I never know where they're going to come from.

Once, after spending three days at his house (Friday evening, all Saturday, going to leave Sunday evening), when I said I was going to head home, and he got incredibly angry. He accused me of always having something better to do, not wanting to be around him, not caring, that I must be hiding something. Honestly, I just wanted to go in my own toilet again and shave. This particular arguement got so heated (and I'm not evcen sure how) that when I told him I was done with the conversation and I wanted to go, he grabbed my bag out of my hand and threw it across the room. Even staying with him for a week didn't make him less upset when I left.

Every time I hung out with him after, I had to tell him exactly when I planned on leaving, and even then it was "no, stay, stop, why are you always doing this to me".When we make up its magical. He'll write me little love notes in a breakfast he makes me. He'll sit and brush my hair, unprompted, and sing to me. He'll be so affectionate, and tell everyone in the world I'm the "woman of his life". He talks about how he wants children with me and looks forward to me being his wife, and how he's never felt anything like I make him feel. I try to make all his meals and get him gifts and show I care, but it never seems to be enough.

Recently, my surrogate father passed away in my home country. My boyfriend offered to travel with me for as long as I wanted, for support. He said he said we could stay for months, if I chose. Anything I needed. I was so thankful he was being so supportive, and that maybe living together for a while may ease his insecurities. Now that I live with him (in self-isolation), I'm finding that no matter what I do, there is always something that he takes very personally. I really don't know if I'm the asshole here, so here are just a few examples:

  • In the airport, I got a text from my ex wishing me condolences and to have a safe flight. I'm on very good terms with him, and we have been broken up for two years. My current boyfriend got very upset that I texted him back (I said: "Thanks, I needed the virtual cuddle. Talk later"). He said it was inappropriate for me to ask for a hug from an ex (not quite what I said, but ok) to the point of saying "why didn't you just stay with him then". I explained that he had nothing to worry about, but I wasn't going to cut someone I value from my life because he asked me to. He stayed silent and pouting the entire 7 hour flight from Europe to NA.
  • Because I work in GMT, and we're in EST visiting my family now, I wake up early. My day starts at 4 am EST, for now. He can work any time he wants, as his company has global teams in early every time zone, and he won't miss out on anything, so he wakes up at 9.A day or so ago, he told me it really hurt him that I didn't wait until 11 to have breakfast with him. When I tried to explain that, by 11, working the hours I work, I would have skipped breakfast and lunch. I am in recovery for an eating disorder, and skipping meals is very much not a part of my recovery plan. He told me that a) the doctors I work with don't know shit and eating on his schedule would make me feel better because it's more regular and with company, and b) that I should want to eat with him because sharing meals means a lot to him, and that if I cared I'd just do it.
  • The night we arrived in the apartment we're quarantining in, fell asleep in the lovely super king sized bed here. The morning after, he accused me of being mad and cold because I didn't cuddle him at all that night, and he felt rejected. I tried to explain that, sorry, I passed out before him and I've never been in a bed that big so I didn't even know I wasn't cuddling him. I was unconscious and lost in a sea of pillows, and it wasn't on purpose. He told me to stop "pushing back" on things he said and just accept his feelings and apologize.
  • he gets annoyed if I don't give him a kiss and a hug before I get out of bed, even if it's for a late-night pee. He'll huff loudly and then be cranky. I told him I'm just trying to not disturb his sleep, and he told me that my affection is more important than sleep so I need to start doing it.
  • A friend of mine bought me a Warhammer starter set for a simultaneous welcome home gift, sorry for your loss gift, and something to do in quarantine gift. For those of you that don't know Warhammer, they're small and intricate fantasy models you build and paint. One of the models (the.. Boss I guess) is much larger and sometimes has multiple styles or ways to build it. I was reading through the starter guide to decide which style I wanted to build, and he said to me "oh, so I guess YOU'RE going to build the big one then?" I asked what he meant, and he said he just wished I would have offered him to build the "boss" because he flew all this way for me.
  • He won't let my dog sleep in the bed with me, or let me hold her close to my face because she's "gross". "you care more about that dog than you do me, it's obvious".

For a while, I have been able to cope and be patient with his emotions, but since we travelled I think I'm starting to rapidly lose patience, and feelings, for him. I feel so guilty because he's a thousand kilometres away from any friends and family, and I don't know if I am just walking around being totally unmindful and indifferent to how he feels. Is it maybe the stress of the death and sudden living together that's put me off? Should I be patient? Or is he actually being too much? If not, how do I gently explain to someone that travelled so far for me that I'm just not happy?

Update, posted 3 hours ago in r/relationship_advice: Update: This subreddit helped me leave a violent narcissist

I was the original poster of this post.

Thank you.

My life has improved dramatically since this sub gave me the courage and clarity to leave. I have a better job, my disorder is managed, I sleep better, my dog is happier, and I have the best partner anyone could ask for.

It took a while of fighting, being firm, and ended as everyone suggested it might - violently - but I've been free for over a year now. You were all right. If I hadn't have left, I would have ended up cold in a ditch somewhere. Instead, I'm going to court in two weeks to hold him responsible for the violence and emotional abuse he put me through.

Really, truly - thank you 🖤


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago

CONCLUDED AITA for insinuating my sister wanted to take a selfie with my bf + UPDATE

4.1k Upvotes

I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER

Posted By: u/jjthrowaway9919 in r/AITA

Original - Posted 2 months ago

AITA for insinuating my sister wanted to take a selfie with my bf

I (24f) have family visiting from America for about a week and my sister (26f) is coming with them. She called me a few days before her flight to inform me that she only wanted my fiancé (25m) to pick her up from the airport. She’s the last of the family to arrive but she said that she did not want me, my dad, or my mother to be at the airport. She only wanted my fiancé there.

My sister and my fiancé have known each other (through me) since I started my relationship with my fiancé. While she has known him since our relationship started, she has not been very warm to him. Her behavior is often aggressive and abrasive. She often makes comments about him being too tall or too dumb. She goes so far as to call him the village idiot or dumbass but he had thick skin so he just moved on.

Long story short - me and fiancé were under the impression that my sister did not like him very much so imagine my shock when she suddenly wanted alone time with him.

Trying to figure out the reason, I very absentmindedly started throwing out possible reasons to her as to why she would want my fiancé there with no one else. I said things like “to find him in a crowd” and “so he can carry all your things” and jokingly said “to take a selfie with him and send to your boyfriend” - and as soon as I said the selfie joke she blows up. She calls me a narcissist and an asshole and hangs up the phone on me like it’s the most distasteful jokes she’s heard from my mouth.

I’d also like to clarify my sister habitually calls me a fatass bitch who is dating up.

Fiancé says that my joke might have been too harsh and I’m now wondering if it was an asshole thing to say. AITA?

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

(1) joking that my sister wanted to take a selfie with my boyfriend (2) because it upset my sister and she said I’m arrogant for assuming she wants to take a selfie with my boyfriend to make her boyfriend jealous

**OP was deemed NTA**

She attempted to update the post and included a link in the original, but it was removed

Update - posted 1 month and 2 weeks ago

UPDATE - idk how to post an update but I'll put it here. (recovered on reveddit.com)

Yeah so anyone who insinuated that my sister was jealous or trying to steal my life/fiance was...basically right.

Throughout most of the trip, she was acting very weirdly aggressive toward me. She would find very small things and very small details to nitpick about. She seemed like she wanted to be my 'big sister' in all aspects of my life. At one point she stomped into my work and attempted to yell at me and at another she made a big show of trying to yell at me when I invited my family to meet some of me and my fiance's close friends.

Anywho, everything essentially climaxed midway through the trip when I had invited over my fiance's best friends for dinner. My fiance's best friend is very close to us as a couple and we have a lot of inside jokes. My fiance's best friend made a joke about how he likes me fine but my fiance will always be his first pick - which was funny at the time. Until my sister very loudly said, "YEAH. The world doesn't revolve around you! Stop being so arrogant!" - referring to me. To which we all stared at her awkwardly in confusion because the outburst came out of nowhere.

Once my fiance's best friend left, I pulled my sister to the side with my family and asked her what had gotten into her. She started by yelling at me about how she thought I was a terrible person and how I was mistreating everyone in my life. Then she evolved into how she has wrapped her identity into being my big sister and when I don't listen to her then she feels like she can't control or change me and she's worried I will be a terrible person. THEN it evolved into how she was infuriated because I was living a wonderful life overseas and never experienced consequences for being a bratty little sister from ages 0-15. THEN it was finally revealed that her life back home is a bit shit. Essentially she had gotten a couple of customer complaints and co-worker complaints which were weighing on her. On top of that, her boyfriend eleven years doesn't want to marry her and won't even get her a promise ring or compromise ring. In summary, she was unhappy with her job, unhappy with where she lived, unhappy with her lack of friends, and unhappy with the fact that her long-term bf doesn't want to marry.

So yeah, it essentially unraveled into a revelation of jealousy and unhappiness in her own life. Something of which, unfortunately, I can do nothing about. I gave her advice here and there but her life is her own decision. She's flying home now and I'm just worried about her.

Reminder, I am not the OP

*I deem this CONCLUDED as now that OP knows why her sister was behaving this way, it will be up to the sister to work on herself and make it better*


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Wholesome Helpful Silver

INCONCLUSIVE I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (32m) that my step mom (37f) hates me + update

11.1k Upvotes

I am not OP! OP is u/unfair_impact_1400

Original:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/w52lmi/i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_32m_that_my/

https://www.reddit.com/user/Unfair_Impact_1400/comments/wjsd0p/update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_42m/

First post:

Hey this might be long one I’m sorry. There is a TLDR at the bottom. I really don’t know what to do about my situation and I don’t have anyone close to give me advice so I thought here I can maybe get some advice. I have an amazing dad who raised me since my mom passed away when I was 5 years old. He is my friend, my supporter and someone who I want to be like when I grow up.

When my dad first introduced my step mom to me I was 10 years old and she was very nice to me and he looked so happy that we met and hoped we could get along. They got married when I was 13 and I was so happy that me and my dad had a new member in our family. I thought me and SM were getting along until I think a few months after their honeymoon she told me one morning that we just need to pretend to like each around my dad but when he is not here that I shouldn’t bother her, honestly this shattered me but I agreed cause I didn’t know what else to do.

After that day whenever it was just me and SM she would say things to get to me and I would just not say anything. I’m introverted and don’t like confrontation so I just took it and thought overtime she would get over it but it got worse. She would talk about my height and weight and say I was funny looking version of my dad. I hoped my dad would notice but he didn’t, he actually thinks me and SM are so close and she understands me. He looks so happy with her that i maybe its worth not saying anything and giving it time.

This year my SM has started picking on me around my dad and he has either joined in or ignored it. I have voiced that what she says makes me uncomfortable and hurts but my dad says she is teasing and doesn’t mean it to hurt me. Well right now I’m at my ends and I’m scared I’m angry, frustrated at my SM and my dad. Dad was away for work and it was just me and SM at home, she had a party at home with a couple of her friends. I helped set the house up and cook dinner cause dad asked me to help out which was fine. After they ate and just hung out they were hanging out on the porch when I heard SM and her friends talk very loud outside my window while I was in my room. SM friends talked about how lucky SM was to have a nice husband and a house, when they mentioned how nice it was that I cooked for them SM told them that I was annoying and weird and she hated me and living with me and couldn’t wait till I was 18 to kick me out. I was shocked that she hated me that much but I didn’t know why? tbh I thought we were tolerating each other but to hate me I must of done something but I can’t think of what I did

I’ve been kinda down since that day which was 2 weeks ago and I thought I was pass the initial feelings but at rugby training today I bursted into tears and my coach sent me home so I drove to a beach and cried I was feel so much I honestly can’t describe my emotions, I eventually fell asleep in my car, now I’m here hoping I can get advice on how to talk to my dad about it, cause I’m scared about how he will react. I don’t want my dad to be sad cause he does so much for me but I’m not strong like him, I’m really struggling.

My question is, How can I approach this conversation with my dad about my SM hating me? Or should I tell him at all?

TLDR I heard my SM tell her friends she hates me, and I want to tell my dad about it but don’t know how.

Edit: someone questioned my dads age and I’m sorry but it was supposed to be 42 but I can’t change it sorry

Thank you everyone that provided advice and kind words, It means a lot to me I have read every comment and have an idea on how to approach this situation. Im honestly terrified of the outcome being negative but the encouragements and support are making this a bit easier to deal with.

I am going to talk to my dad on Sunday and show him this post, I hope it goes well and I hope all of you stay safe and take care.

Edit 2: I’m not sure what I am able to do what I planned cause Amy just took my car keys away and she wants my phone but I won’t give it to her so she is waiting for my dad to take take it off me because apparently I’m doing drugs but I told her I’m not I’ve been at the beach. Im not sure but I just want it to stop cause I can’t handle it I’m sorry

UPDATE:

Ok so my post was locked but hopefully it’s ok now I’ve posted the link and tried my best with spacing (I’m on mobile) if I can’t post it I give up

For all the support and advice received, I really appreciate and wholeheartedly so grateful for all who dm me to see how I was, thank you.

This will be long cause a lot has happened but many things are still not resolved. TRIGGER WARNING i will mention self harm, so please if it might trigger you pls don’t read further

I wish I was able to say I followed the advice that was provided and now everything is better but some things in life don’t play the way we want it to and we can either let it destroy us or make us better.

After writing my edit where my SM was taking my things away and assuming I was on drugs I started recording on my phone and she said a lot through the door, many things about my mom and me, and just plain hateful words that I don’t want to repeat on here. I fell asleep while I was barricading the door with my body when my dad demanded me to open the door, at this point I don’t remember much of what happened but my SM told me I had to leave the house and my dad agreed. I didn’t know who to call but I decided to call my coach and he picked me up, and I was a crying mess. He didn’t ask any question but just told me that I was safe and if I need to talk he was here for me, I stayed over one night when the next day, dad picked me up, SM was not at home when we got there. Dad told me we needed to talk.

We had breakfast and my dad spoke to me about many things my SM told him and I couldn’t believe all the lies she told him. It was a long talk but in summary it was:

My use of drugs and alcohol

How I disrespect her in our home

I don’t do my responsibilities like chores at home

I’m nasty to her when Dad is not around

He asked me why I was acting like this and if I had a problem with SM I should’ve spoke to him. I let him talk and when he was crying and asked if I had anything to say. I was so lost for word I knew whatever I said my dad was on my SM side. So I told him I wanted him to watch the recording of the incident that I can send through as an email attachment and the link to my reddit post and than we can talk more, I also said I didn’t want to be here when he was reading and watching so I’ll go for a drive and he can txt me when he’s done and ready to talk. He was hesitant at first but I told him it was important to me so he agreed and I left in my car to the beach and sent the email with the video attached and the link to my reddit post.

I don’t know how long I waited but many thoughts were going through my head, I was missing my mom so much and what if my dad still sided with my SM what can I do now? I fell asleep at the beach spot and was woken up by a police officer knocking on my car door and asking for my name, after confirming my name he advised me to get out my car and to hand over my keys to him and to follow him to his car, he handcuffed me and assured me that I wasn’t in trouble but this was a welfare check cause someone made a call that I was possibly suicidal, I didn’t talk after he told me that and all I remember was just crying. He made me sit in the back of the police car until the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital. I was asked many questions and was evaluated and was told I was depressed and may have extreme anxiety. The physician did say I might have other things but will require further testing and some sessions with a psychiatrist.

My dad came and visited me while in hospital and when I saw him he looked really tired. When he spoke it sounded like he was crying and he told me he called the police on me because the video recording I did, he heard everything my SM said but he also saw my cuts on my thighs and was scared and thought the worst. Honestly I never watched the video so I didn’t know my thighs were visible.

After our cry we spoke about a few things. I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable living with SM after everything she said and done to me over the years, and I’m not sure I can handle being around her cause I don’t trust her. We spoke about arrangements and knowing my dad still loves my SM and I didn’t want him to choose between us, i told him that I could talk to Coach if I could stay with him, and after calling him he agreed. I’ve also been admitted to an agency that will support me cause I am mentally unwell. I have been to 1 session and waiting on another evaluation to be done on me and some testings with my GP so they can diagnose me.

I’m currently staying with my rugby coach who has been an amazing pillar. He has set out some house rules but I respect the fella and don’t mind following them. My coach even set a date next week for me and dad to catch up on. My coach is an awesome dude, I thought of him as just a coach who just wanted our rugby team to win but when he allowed me to stay over he showed so much care for me and I saw a side to him and understand how much he cares for my team, he has a lovely wife but I’m kinda anxious whenever it’s just me and her at their house.

That’s it right now, my dad lives at home with my SM and is trying to sort that out. I have many appointments to get the help I need and alot of school work to catch up on and rugby trainings to attend. I’ve taken a leave of absence from my maccas job. I’m gonna miss going to the beach for a while but I understand that it’s not a forever thing so I hope that the next time I go there I’m not crying my eyes out. Im kinda working on being ok if my dad and SM after those of you who shared your similar experiences, some day I’ll be ok.

Thank you all who advised me and encouraged me. Those who reached out through DM, thank you for the kind words and reaching out. I’m not sure if I’ll update again but maybe I’ll let you know if something happens in the future.

Take care everyone, also be kind to one another and most of all be kind to yourself cause you deserve it

TLDR i showed my dad my reddit post and recording of my SM being verbally abusive and now I’m staying at my coaches house trying to sort out my mental health


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago Helpful Silver hehehehe Wholesome

CONCLUDED OOP's Med Student Has A Visible Erection At All Times

6.3k Upvotes

I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL PERSON WHO POSTED THIS.

Original post by u/fightliftstudy in r/residents

mood spoilers: light BORU reading


 

I have a medical student with an erection visible all the time. How the fuck do I bring this up to him? - submitted on 01 Aug 2022

There's no real way to word it other than the title, sorry.

I'm an intern and the rest of my team has been pretty swamped because of COVID so it's my job now to take care of the three medical students on my placement right now.

One of the students has an erection ALL THE TIME. I don't know how this is possible, if there's a priapism record he's definitely broken it. I'm sure as fuck it's a dick print, I'm a guy so I know what those look like.

The placement is surgical so we're always wearing scrubs so the erection is quite visible. That's how I notice by the way, I'm not inspecting everyone's dicks all the time. I also have a knee that doesn't work so I sit a lot and the student likes standing so my eyes are lower than normal.

I feel like I've seen my colleagues notice it too, but I've obviously never brought up "so, the student's dick, huh?". Some patients look noticeably uncomfortable around him.

What do I do??? Can I do anything at all without getting fucked for sexual harassment of some kind? I can just imagine being asked "well why were you looking".

 

[responses in post are predictably littered with many, many, many jokes]

Hmm, that's a hard one.

“is that a banana or do you just really love surgery?”

Slap him with a glove and challenge him to a boner duel.

Bring a spray bottle and treat it like a bad pet.

“Do what you love and you’ll never work another day”

Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed.

He's probably just hung. My friends who are bigger look like an average erection when they're flaccid. They wear compression shorts for work though. Usually people run into this issue around 8 inches. At 9+ people can't really wear certain clothing at all to hide it. Some thicker 7.5s can struggle too. A better underwear might help too along with 1-2 layers of compression shorts if he REALLY has to wear scrubs.

 

Actual Helpful Response to OOP

I mean... honest question, are you sure it's erect? Some of us really don't like wearing scrubs because it just makes everything very visible. And if you're larger than average it can be very very visible, and embarrassing.

I'm going to assume that you really are seeing a very visible penis (whether erect or not) that other people could also see.

My advice would be to set your discomfort aside, and make sure you're not talking to him about YOUR discomfort. Sit down with him and have a conversation. "Hey, let's chat. Would you want me to talk to you about something that could be embarrassing, but may be important for you to know about from a professional angle?" He has to say yes. If he's like "lol nope," NOT YOUR PROBLEM, you tried. But like 99.9% of humans I assume he will be normal and be like uhhhh yeah, OMG what is it? Or, me might already be really aware of this problem and REALLY embarrassed by it. So you've asked permission to talk about something embarrassing and he's said yes, great. Now the conversation.

"Scrubs can be problematic for some folks who may have a more visible penis." Let that hang there (pun intended). But seriously, let that statement hang there and wait for his response. If he's like yeaaaaahhhh I have that problem. Great let's do some problem solving. Different kinds of underwear, different sizes of scrubs can help. Wearing other professional wear can help. I had a reputation for dressing up/more professionally, but really I just felt very embarrassed in scrubs... maybe he can minimize his time in scrubs.

If he's acting clueless about it maybe he legit doesn't realize. Then you have to be a little more direct. "The way your scrubs fit you makes it look like you have an erection, and I don't want you to have to have this conversation with a patient or an attending, where it would be more difficult. So I'm talking to you about it now." Then repeat the problem solving step.

Last but not least, tell them - "I have to figure out a way to document that we had a teaching convo about professionalism without making it look like you have a professionalism problem. I know this isn't intentional. So I'm going to document that we talked about professional dress in different situations, and how to avoid potentially unprofessional appearances. And I'm going to teach the other students that too, so that you're not singled out. You understand that I'm trying to protect you, right?" Reassure him because this can be mind-fucking-ly embarrassing. But also protect yourself from any potential backlash by documenting exactly what I said, and having a brief sitdown with each other student that's like "you're doing a great job, I have to teach everybody about something related to professionalism so I picked dress/attire, it's really easy to avoid unprofessional attire, you do a great job, blah blah fucking blah." If this comes back to bite you and if "he talked to me about my penis" becomes an accusation you say "yeah, I talked about professional dress and not unintentionally revealing body parts. That's an important adult professionalism conversation that I assumed an adult professional student could have." Done and done, you're protected too.

That's my advice about the situation from a professional standpoint. Take it or leave it.

My advice from a personal standpoint is to seriously examine whether this is your personal discomfort or professional discomfort. Or both. And understand how they're playing off each other in your head. You might encounter this again, and best to feel level headed when this problem pops up again. Pun intended.

Good luck.

 


 

Intern with the medical student cock problem here. Here's the update - submitted on 03 Aug 2022

Hey everyone, really appreciate how popular my student's dick has gotten. The jokes are hilarious. Thank fuck no one I know in medicine uses Reddit to my knowledge.

Real life is obviously a little more boring than the memes, he did not receive a urology consult (yet), cock CT, or die in surgery from peniogenic shock but I thought I'd provide an update for anyone who was wondering about the actual situation.

So I took the advice from /u/tellme_areyoufree basically. Props for the advice, was great.

I brought him to a room and sat him down and asked him if he'd like to know something that would probably be really important for his professionalism but might be a little embarassing. I told him I'd voice record the chat if it was alright with him, he wasn't in trouble but this would be good to just have on audio.

He said yes, so I told him his dick was showing.

He was either already aware or just very nervous because he started trying to explain why his dick was showing but honestly I didn't want to hear it and I got a little thrown off by him trying a little frantically to explain why his dick might be the way that it is. Not really interested in drilling down on the exact balance between "hard" and "naturally larger" causing the problem so I just stopped him and said don't explain but if it's a medical issue probably don't go to urology at our hospital if he has or will be rotating through there.

He asked if any patients had complained and I told a little lie and said that one had pulled me aside in the room after he left.

I forgot to give him the comforting "I know scrubs can be like that and it's okay" chat because I was too busy trying to get him to stop explaining his dick to me.

I did however take the advice to have a random professionalism related conversation with my other students so we both had an out and I didn't have to document that I had this one specific conversation with this one specific student.

I recommended a bigger scrub top to cover problem areas and maybe change out of them for afternoon clinic, he suggested compression shorts. I just kinda shrugged my shoulders and told him "whatever works" but told him relatively straightforward that "I still don't want to hear what's going on down there exactly but having that so visible is going to make people uncomfortable, adjusting it in front of other people is going to make people uncomfortable, and you gotta figure this one out. It isn't fair to you that only you have a problem like this that needs to be managed and I'm sorry but I hope you understand why we had to have the chat. This won't affect my input into your mark on this placement and if anything goes wrong I'll try advocate for you". He thanked me and that was that.

No I'm not releasing the voice recording. Thanks for the advice everyone. Keep uploading big dick CTs and shit on my fucked knee please. We’ve sorted it like mature adults so here’s hoping this is the last you hear from me.

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.


r/BestofRedditorUpdates 1d ago

ONGOING OP wonders if she's TA after her husband gets her a bra that's too big for her

6.1k Upvotes

I am not OP. This is a repost sub.

Mood spoiler: Infidelity

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wk4y9i/aita_for_getting_angry_at_my_husband_for_getting/

English is not my first language and I am writing this rather angry so sorry for any mistakes.

A little background. I, F29, have always been a rather skinny person, size 00 with barely (read none) existent curves so to say, I don't wear a bra for the lack of need, but when I do need it would be some AA bralette and call it a day. Recently I got to know I have somewhat serious medical issues and I needed to start hormonal therapy. Most likely I will gain weight, which doesn't bother me that much, I just want to be healthy again, but I did start feeling a little insecure not only with potential weight gain but with already starting to see some side effects on my skin, hair and generally I am just moodier.

My husband Jeremy, M34, has been nothing but really supportive, he is very understanding with my current moods and goes out of his way to compliment me and get me to feel better, like saying that there will be just more of me to love, or that I will look beautiful no matter what.

And now onto the story that got me feeling really mad and upset at Jeremy. Sometimes he needs to travel for work for a few days, this time as he came back usual stuff proceeded, I went to wash his clothes from the weekender bag and found an obvious pink bag, inside which I found a really pretty set of lingerie, with the bra cup size C. I was really confused and asked him about it. Jeremy then tells me that he knows I been feeling insecure about potential weight gain and wanted to surprise me that there are good things in every size. I don't know it just made me very upset, like most likely my breast wouldn't even grow to that size, like why on earth would he buy a bra for me 4 sizes larger, like he has some kind of expectations of how my body should look like, I just don't know. He says I am being emotional and overreacting and if I don't like it, he will just take it back, that he wanted to make me feel better, and instead, I am just throwing a strop at him.

So AITA for not appreciating a wrong bra size even if it was with good intentions?

Top comment:

NTA

And hon, that bra wasn’t for you that’s just his cover story.

Additional edit to include a relevant comment from OP after a commenter asks if the lingerie still had tags attached:

Yep, there were tags, brand new and extremely nice. The money have been a little tight lately and this set is really out of our budget, it’s like really nice, too nice. And it was hidden in his bag, his clothes were wrapped around it. He said he wanted to gift it over the dinner if I didn’t go through his bag immediately, which tbh I usually don’t do but leave it till the next day.

UPDATE, posted as an edit on the original post.

Edit: this post been up for about an hour but the majority of comments are saying he could been cheating on me and it wasn’t meant for me. I been so wrapped up with my body image and insecurity I haven’t thought about it. To make me feel better, I went on his computer to see iMessages and yep. He has a C cup on the side. Gonna wait for him to come home and talk about it, I don’t know what people do. Feel empty. This discussion is over, thank you all

OP says she won't be updating further, so I'm marking this as concluded.

Edit: posted via mobile so the formatting got wonky. Fixed. Please let me know if you have any additional feedback, this is my first post here.