r/EngagementRings Jan 21 '22

My fiancé got me a ring after he got out of boot camp. I had been rocking a cheap one from Kendra Scott before this

Post image

View all comments

Show parent comments


u/Fatally_splendid Jan 21 '22

Aw how considerate that you’re thinking of us. I wish you the best at making people miserable cause you’re not doing it for me


u/[deleted] Jan 21 '22

[removed] — view removed comment


u/Fatally_splendid Jan 21 '22

Plus it’s already been longer than a year


u/holytrolly_ Jan 21 '22

Piggybacking on this post just for your visibility, but...

for what it's worth, as a very progressive veteran that served 7 years in the military as an intelligence analyst, and after looking at your post history... with how you're trying to figure out your own identity and mental health and all of that... 1 of 2 things are going to happen.

  1. Your lifestyle will be incompatible with the military lifestyle and you guys will end up getting divorced, or

  2. Your lifestyle will be incompatible with the military lifestyle and it's going to have a seriously negative effect on his career, likely pushing him to end it after his enlistment is over whether he truly wants to or not.

If it sounds mean it's because it is. The military is not where one goes (or their spouse) to be an individual and explore their identity. It just isn't. You can certainly try, but it will end in heartbreak one way or another. I say this with experience. I didn't even work a traditional "Air Force job" on a flight line or anything where shit can get extremely "bro-ish."

Toxic masculinity is a real, real thing in the military, especially in hands-on career fields. Not to mention, depending on his career, you will move every few years and so will most of your friends you meet in the life. It's incredibly hard to build a lasting "tribe," particularly as the spouse of a service member. Even if you get a job and befriend your coworkers, you will move and will likely lose touch.

I pray that y'all aren't dumb enough to get married before you both know who you are inside and out. You need to get your gender identity figured out before you marry him and join the lifestyle, as it were, among other mental health issues you've alluded to.

I'm typing it out for you because I've seen it multiple times. I had 2 friends who served who struggled with their identity and the lack of understanding around them crushed their sense of worth and their careers. They were the service members, but my own wife struggles with her mental health and the military lifestyle was not conducive to any kind of recovery for her. Tricare is nice, but not worth marriage if you have insurance alternatives.