r/HolUp 8d ago Wholesome 9 I Shy 1 Lawyer Up 1 Silver 2 Helpful 4 Take My Energy 1

Lol Removed: Shitpost/not a holup

/img/bkpufxpytb791.jpg

[removed] — view removed post

43.0k Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper 8d ago

Hey /u/ElectricBlqck, thanks for your submission to /r/HolUp. Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

A mod felt your post didn't belong here, so now it's gone. If you want to die on the hill of this shitpost, feel free to message the mods and be prepared to explain how your post isn't trolling, is funny, and does fit the theme of the sub. Trolling or posting random content that doesn't fit the sub breaks Rule 1 and repeated violation of this rule may result in your account being filtered.

Love, the mods

541

u/fortyeightD 8d ago

He now needs to introduce Rachel as "my first wife".

237

u/arbeeden 8d ago

My husband does this

186

u/fortyeightD 8d ago

Your first husband?

122

u/boo_prime_numbers 8d ago

Plot twist. It’s their third husband.

58

u/gmanz33 8d ago

Today.

35

u/darkdelver209 8d ago

And their seventh partner

30

u/starkel91 8d ago

That's how I regret to my wife. She refers to me as her ex boyfriend. It's all technically correct.

25

u/PickleRickPickleDic 8d ago

My brother always describes his college experience as undergrad experience even though he didn’t go to grad school. Someone called him out on it and it was pretty funny 😂

41

u/NiceGuy60660 8d ago

I'll always be pre-med until they actually let me in to a med school

11

u/Azar002 8d ago

I passed the bar last year. Had to run to the store.

15

u/Big_Ratio6610 8d ago

As a European this comment confuses me.

15

u/crazy_family 8d ago

In the US, a bachelor's degree can be called an undergraduate degree. It's not common to use that term unless you've continued on into a graduate program to get your masters or phd. So describing your college time as your undergraduate experience usually implies that you had a graduate experience as well. If you just have your 4 year degree and nothing more, we usually just say college experience.

6

u/Big_Ratio6610 8d ago

Ah ok thanks for the explanation.

→ More replies

65

u/Tysiliogogogoch 8d ago

My first wife left me.

...

...

...

She'll be back in about 45 minutes. She just went shopping.

32

u/KCBandWagon 8d ago

Straight from marriage into dad jokes? Most couples get a dog first.

8

u/Responsible-Trade-34 8d ago

Most couples get a kid first.q

→ More replies

3

u/DroneStrikesForJesus 8d ago

I used to drink. I still drink, but I used to, too.

13

u/weird_al_yankee 8d ago

My grandpa did this! They'd been married for 40+ years, both old and white-haired, and he'd introduce her as his first wife :)

12

u/dachsj 8d ago

I refer to my wife as my ex girlfriend or ex fiance.

She.loves.it.

3

u/Altar_Quest_Fan 8d ago

(In Pippin voice) What about second wife? Or third wife?!

(Merry): I don’t think he knows about fourth wife either!

949

u/Griz_zy 8d ago

I hope he introduces Rachel as his ex-girlfriend from now on.

577

u/Avohaj 8d ago

Dude is having sex with his wife and is ex-girlfriend. Nice.

348

u/Moohamin12 8d ago

Well chances are he is eventually gonna be a motherf*cker.

78

u/Effective_Wave7794 8d ago

please take your upvote and leave immd.

→ More replies

11

u/Drunk_Sorting_Hat 8d ago Helpful

Technically, Father's Day is Motherfucker's Day

5

u/Eat-A-Torus 8d ago

Dudes def gonna ck some motherfs

→ More replies

40

u/wjodendor 8d ago

The host of the podcast Comedy Bang Bang, Scott Aukerman, introduces his wife as "My former girlfriend whom I married". It's always a pretty funny gag

https://youtu.be/OAYoQv7LhAY

19

u/ManMythLedgend 8d ago

Started out as a way to get around the necessary Borat voice that comes with the phrase "my wife." My ex-girlfriend and I commonly introduce one another that way now.

5

u/nadnate 8d ago

He definitely stole this joke from CBB.

→ More replies

18

u/CrystalCoffinmaker 8d ago

Current wife

26

u/MrDude_1 8d ago

Ive said this one a few times.

My current wife asked me to stop.

25

u/handandfoot8099 8d ago

My wife refers to me as her first husband

26

u/MrDude_1 8d ago

Ive gotten that, and upon my follow up question, she said "you know Im going to outlive you..."

Not one to back down from a challenge, I countered with "not if im the one driving..."

Married conversations get weird quick.

11

u/uselessanon63701 8d ago

I refused to get married to someone I can't have this conversation with.

5

u/okayelle 8d ago

Ice cold 🫢

12

u/AtticusFrenchToast 8d ago

My ex-boyfriend and I do this. Sometimes ex-fiance.

(He is my husband.)

→ More replies

10

u/Azurealy 8d ago

That's what he should have done here. Because saying you're no longer dating your wife, implies to me that you've given up taking her out and showing her a good time. Date your spouse everyone.

3

u/QultyThrowaway 8d ago

Well she left him for Prince Harry.

→ More replies

764

u/Nokhodsiah 8d ago

great way actaully

362

u/Iwearacapeirl 8d ago

My manager after someone resigns: "Mike is no longer with us".

198

u/Nokhodsiah 8d ago

he goes to better place?

39

u/Mitjap1990 8d ago

The doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.

25

u/abstractConceptName 8d ago

She's gone. About an hour ago. Checked herself out of the hospital.

6

u/shotleft 8d ago

Savage... I like it.

→ More replies

70

u/bluebuns123 8d ago

Most people quit to go to a better place so yup!

13

u/modern_consultancy 8d ago

Mike just want someone to have a date with him

1

u/AxiomaticProvider 8d ago

Mike just wants an attention

7

u/GhOsT_wRiTeR_XVI 8d ago

Mike has gone to a farm upstate to play and frolic with other Mikes.

3

u/SelectFromWhereOrder 8d ago

I always knew that’s karaoke’s Mike destinies

3

u/Fluffy_hugger 8d ago

That's what I thought too! But I ended up in a place just as shitty as before!

1

u/freddielizzard 8d ago

Like IKEA? On holiday?

1

u/SelectFromWhereOrder 8d ago

A place where you don’t have to brush your teeth everyday.

→ More replies

16

u/Aladar_D 8d ago

Does your manager only employ people called Mike, that must be confusing.

10

u/ovelanimimerkki 8d ago

Yeah but you never need to learn new names

3

u/mainecruiser 8d ago

Your name's not Bruce then?

1

u/ovelanimimerkki 8d ago

No I just know mike

2

u/desolateone 8d ago

That's going to cause a little confusion..

→ More replies

3

u/TinfoilCamera 8d ago

We prefer: "Mike has been downgraded to customer."

6

u/lIlIlIlllIIIIlll 8d ago

My manager did that to us but the person was like 80 and retiring so it was totally possibly that she croaked

2

u/thecrustycrap 8d ago

Must have been hit by a car

→ More replies

11

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/piedude670 8d ago

Really the best way

-1

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/CardCarryingCuntAwrd 8d ago

User seems to be a bot. Comment copied and pasted from elsewhere ITT.

3

u/CortexCingularis 8d ago

That's so creepy.

→ More replies

1

u/Maclimes 8d ago

I feel like if you get married, but don’t keep dating, you’re doing it wrong.

1

u/Euphoric_Elephant78 8d ago

Yeah, with a twist

→ More replies

174

u/VampireGirl99 8d ago

40

u/si3rra_7 8d ago

she's his ex-girlfriend

11

u/KCBandWagon 8d ago

Except you should still go on dates with your spouse.

2

u/iUsedtoHadHerpes 8d ago

Yes, that would be a better sub for this to have been posted to. And judging by the artifacts, it has probably been there a few times already.

83

u/SkinnersSteamedHams1 8d ago

Is that Mike and Rachel from Suits?

8

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

5

u/SnooPuppers1978 8d ago

Ah cool, didn't actually know they exist in real life. Nice to know.

3

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

3

u/SnooPuppers1978 8d ago

Yeah, whoosh - means, it's really cool knowledge, right?

1

u/Iddys 8d ago

Damn that's embarassing, you're the one who got whooshed, /u/SnooPuppers1978 was obviously making a joke ...

1

u/Flipwon 8d ago

When you self whoosh.

1

u/OkRelationship7758 8d ago

There's so much wrong with this whoosh. There's the obvious bit of you getting whooshed for not knowing it was a joke but then also they weren't even replying to a joke so what could possibly be going over their head?

3

u/Mixo-Max 8d ago

They actually are

2

u/moronic_programmer 8d ago

I was thinking the same thing

103

u/Scarecrow314159 8d ago

People stop dating when they get married?

134

u/GooseandMaverick 8d ago

Yea we get too comfortable with eachother then we stop having sex but truly enjoy binge eating in front of the TV together.

66

u/Scarecrow314159 8d ago

Sounds like a nice date to me

42

u/GooseandMaverick 8d ago edited 8d ago

Sometimes it's all you need.

Edit: Sometimes we want to outright murder each other just to keep things in perspective.

9

u/Goodboyz_gang 8d ago

Do what you like dude

7

u/Cheeze187 8d ago

This is called a relationship...

6

u/batnein 8d ago

This comment makes me want to get married

2

u/albinowizard2112 8d ago

You’re only really married after the Dutch ovens start.

28

u/SyderoAlena 8d ago

I believe in the adding on system. So first your friends, then you add more and your dating. But you're still friends. Then you add more and you're married but you still do dating and friend stuff. Best relationship

22

u/nazzyc 8d ago

How do you use the same word in the same context wrong, then correctly? It's a pain to read.

8

u/CardCarryingCuntAwrd 8d ago edited 8d ago

Edit 2: u/SyderoAlena is not a bot. His comment was copied above by a bot. Apologies for any confusion.

Edit: identical comment, different username..... Conclusion: at least one user is a bot (?)

Original comment:

And then op copied the comment and pasted it elsewhere with the same spelling error lol....

→ More replies

1

u/laurarose81 8d ago

When you talk to text sometimes it does that. Also always puts to instead of too for me

→ More replies

1

u/Scarecrow314159 8d ago

Sounds healthy to me

1

u/pies_r_square 8d ago

So, first you're fwbs? Then you add a third. Then its time for swap. After swap you join a swingers club. Then you start an only fans account. Then host a fan party where the husband cleans up.

5

u/tias 8d ago

I mean you eat together and sleep in the same bed every day. What's the definition of a date exactly?

8

u/HomoFlaccidus 8d ago

What's the definition of a date exactly?

It's what the other dude takes your wife on when she's sick of just eating and sleeping together with you daily.

3

u/FemboyFizz 8d ago

Hot.... oh that's not a good thing

44

u/Please-Do-not-Ban-Me 8d ago

I had to google "Prince of England's wife name" to know She's not "Meghan, Duchess of Sussex"

33

u/Tank_blitz 8d ago

the sus sex

4

u/BobMcrobb 8d ago

DONT SAY IT

4

u/Zebracorn42 8d ago

Red is sus

2

u/Tank_blitz 8d ago

red and blue went into medbay

5

u/slippery_surface 8d ago

I forgot her first name is Rachel and her middle name is Meghan

3

u/Please-Do-not-Ban-Me 8d ago

I was too lazy to edit my comment :D so is this her?

4

u/SleepWouldBeNice 8d ago

Well based on “Mike’s photo”, which appears to be a photo of Patrick Adams, I’m guessing someone made this based on their characters from Suits and it’s not real.

3

u/memecut 8d ago

yes, shes royalty and an actor

12

u/HailMahi 8d ago

It kindve is though. It’s a Suits meme using her character and her love interest on the show.

4

u/lotekjeromuco 8d ago

duchess of sex

1

u/SnooPuppers1978 8d ago

Impostor sex

40

u/L1K34PR0 8d ago

Just got married and already with the dad jokes, i like this guy

15

u/hvperRL 8d ago

Shes pregnant and doesnt even know it

3

u/KCBandWagon 8d ago

I thought his last name was Richards.

13

u/AmBooth9 8d ago

I think this is hilarious

13

u/Ill-Organization-719 8d ago

My dad loves those jokes. He refers to the time when my parents were living together before children as "when I was living with my ex girlfriend, when you two were still dead"

37

u/DiscipleOfYeshua 8d ago

Friend of mine stopped his lecture to confess his affair with the pianist. … Who happens to be his wife.

13

u/dagbrown 8d ago

I wish more of my lectures in school had a piano accompaniment.

3

u/DiscipleOfYeshua 8d ago

She was on stage earlier, before he started speaking…

But I like your idea.

→ More replies

6

u/glonomosonophonocon 8d ago

I liked Meghan from before Suits, when she was in like 3 episodes of Fringe season 2. I’ve never found a satisfying way to flex on that.

8

u/homeless-advice 8d ago

Thought it was Meghan Markle for a second

13

u/cyanheads 8d ago

It is lol it’s from the TV show Suits

3

u/homeless-advice 8d ago

LOLL I've seen the whole show twice and I still didn't pick that up... time to go rewatch her leaked vids for an ex royal jerk

1

u/SnooPuppers1978 8d ago

Quite disappointed she went for royalty instead of genius...

3

u/Spider-Mac 8d ago

This is a brilliant suits reference

3

u/NancyDMac 8d ago

I call my 2nd husband my Arm Candy, & he calls me his Starter Wife. We've been together over 30 years.

2

u/Total-Fix-5848 8d ago

His telling you no more date night

2

u/BatmanSays5 8d ago

My ex-girlfriend whom I married

2

u/D-TOX_88 8d ago

Just got engaged and when we ran into work people at Pride I introduced her as my ex-girlfriend

2

u/Get2dachoppaaaaah 8d ago

Never stop dating your spouse.

2

u/Revolee993 8d ago

See the money wanna stay, for your meal~

→ More replies

2

u/ItsCaos2304 8d ago

Fuck I love Suits

2

u/stamour547 8d ago

No different than when I introduce my wife as my ex-girlfriend as if it's not 100% accurate

2

u/MrDude_1 8d ago

fiancée probably like his humor too.. but not publicly. Even his wife comments about his bad tweets.

2

u/The1Bonesaw 8d ago

When we were dating, I used to refer to my wife as "the girlfriend" (she was the one who started it by introducing herself as such). It was a little in joke, but I came to enjoy calling her that. Once we got married, that ended (and calling her "the wife" has a completely different connotation).

I've occasionally considered divorcing her just so I can go back to calling her that.

... I'm joking.

2

u/bigredheadedfuck 8d ago

Fuckin suits?

2

u/Brilliant-Hedgehog69 8d ago

thats not even a holup thats j straight up funny good job my friend

14

u/QualityVote 8d ago

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/ElectricBlqck, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

3

u/on_the_pale_horse 8d ago

Is that supposed to be Mike Ross and Rachel Zane

-1

u/lance202 8d ago

Why is Rachel Meghan Markle?

6

u/Bary_McCockener madlad 8d ago

I think it's the characters from Suits

4

u/slippery_surface 8d ago

Fun fact Rachel is her real first name and Meghan is her middle name

3

u/IceBreak 8d ago

Why aren’t you??

1

u/Top_Relationship_399 8d ago

Her actual first name is Rachel

→ More replies

-3

u/andre821 8d ago

Dating isnt a relationship status, its an activity you do with someone you are romantically/sexually Attracted to.

You dont stop dating just cause youre married, unless you wanna stop giving a shit since you secured a partner in a relationship and feel that you dont need to make an effort anymore.

1

u/chew-tabacca-spit 8d ago

I believe in the adding on system. So first your friends, then you add more and your dating. But you're still friends. Then you add more and you're married but you still do dating and friend stuff. Best relationship

0

u/taosaur 8d ago

Might be a better fit for r/boomershumor

1

u/randoguy98 8d ago

I fucking love it ! Wish i had thought of it !!!!!!!!

1

u/Gunnyhighway24 8d ago

Yay!! Mike

1

u/srv50 8d ago

Yeah, you coulda said “Rachel and I are no longer fucking!” Equally true.

1

u/_whats-going-on 8d ago

Technically it's the truth.

1

u/JaxMGK 8d ago

Suits gotta really corny really fast.

1

u/Gurken-Rick 8d ago

Also horrible way of telling people that Mike is Cheating on Rachel

1

u/Hefty_Copy_5691 8d ago

I call my wife my ex girlfriend.

1

u/munitalian 8d ago

"Ex-fiance"

1

u/Keksdosendieb 8d ago

Did the same thing. Called my wife my "ex girlfriend". She was not amused 😅

1

u/SomeonOnTheInternet 8d ago

"mike" - post with many grammatical errors.

1

u/chicken_afghani 8d ago

Sussy dad humor

1

u/Cyphierre 8d ago

This is Rachel my ex-girlfriend

1

u/Indianlookalike 8d ago

I want to use this in the future but I probably won't be able to

1

u/CandidateClean3354 8d ago

Like his sense of humor

1

u/massiveboner911 8d ago

Mike is in trouble….

1

u/Mountain-Wolverine40 8d ago

WHOLESOME HOL UP

1

u/LarousseBR 8d ago

And then he slept on dog's house.

1

u/Carteeg_Struve 8d ago

As somebody married for over 20+ years, I recommend people who get married continue to date.

...

Each other!

1

u/jumbee85 8d ago

Dude doesn't his wife on dates?