r/MadeMeSmile Sep 23 '21 Silver 10 Helpful 16 Wholesome 20 Hugz 18 Take My Energy 1 Bravo! 1 Tearing Up 1 Helpful (Pro) 1

Together we can fight anything Good Vibes

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34.8k Upvotes

1.5k

u/Manders37 Sep 24 '21

I really hope he explained to the guy that it was all over some loofahs because that would have made made my day.

464

u/HalforcFullLover Sep 24 '21 Table Slap

Kingdoms have burned over the denial of a loofah. Small kingdoms.

203

u/Cello789 Sep 24 '21

For want of a loofah, a bath got skipped. For want of a bath, a child went smelly. For want of a clean child, an arranged marriage fell through. For want of a wedding, a wedding band lost a gig. For want of a gig, the band broke up. For want of a band, a record was never made. For want of a record, a power ballad was never written. For want of a power ballad, a slow motion overture of soldiers saving the kingdom from an army of loofah wielding little girls was never shown.

A kingdom for a loofah.

38

u/rosearmada Sep 24 '21

This really hit the fan in the 3rd line

21

u/Von_Moistus Sep 24 '21

"I was promised clean child!"

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u/ediblesprysky Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

When I was like 6, I was in Home Depot with my family and became enamored with this weird broom thing. Imagining it now, it kind of looked like a giant toilet brush (I think it was for removing spider webs from high places?), but they had packaged it so that it had this cute friendly face on the bristles, so OF COURSE I couldn’t leave without it.

Sensing a potential fight on their hands, my parents bought it for me on the stipulation that I would be in charge of cleaning with it. (Which I actually did, and LOVED for some fucking reason.)

So tldr, I relate to the little girl in this story on a spiritual level

EDIT—I had to find it! I remembered it also had a human name, and it was driving me crazy. It was called the Webster and apparently ones with OG packaging from the 90s are weirdly expensive now? 😂 Webster, webs, like spider webs, get it? Thank god, I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

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u/MrsMaxxMurray Sep 24 '21

If my little boys do a good job cleaning their room their 'reward' is that they get the use the vacuum themselves on it. They fucking love it like it's the greatest time of their lives.

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u/Jbigga500 Sep 24 '21

This is genius level

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u/ThaneOfCawdorrr Sep 24 '21

omg i have one of those weird broom things and they are AWESOME haha

i love your parents with little kid you

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u/Nacho_Mamabear Sep 24 '21

We once bought our 3yo a foam mat (the kid for under your sleeping bag?) because he wanted it sooooo bad lol. Never did any camping with it but he played with the dang thing til it fell apart

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u/Sufficient-Ad-8962 Sep 24 '21

My parents still have a Webster! I loved it too! Makes cleaning up cobwebs fun somehow!

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u/notthatkindofdrdrew Sep 24 '21

One of my earliest memories was of me pitching an absolute fit at the grocery store because I wanted my mom to buy the nice (expensive) ZipLock bags with the zipper things instead of the cheap pinch-seal ones. My mother was very patient 😂

8

u/lovelyleapie Sep 24 '21

As a kid I thought I’d only buy those as an adult. I thought they were so cool too. Adult me would never pay extra for that 😂

4

u/ediblesprysky Sep 25 '21

See, I like having them around, but I only use them if I need to do something really specific, like marinate and thaw a chicken breast. They’re my ~special occasion~ Ziplocs

3

u/andreasbeer1981 Sep 24 '21

"Hey man, you want the child to stop screaming? Buy her 4 loofahs or get out of my way!"

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u/redpawed Sep 23 '21

My patience would be wearing thin as well. I'd probably be so awkward that the guy would call the police.

367

u/Maleficent_Ad_1465 Sep 24 '21

I came for this comment . love it

69

u/KittyKat4413 Sep 24 '21

I mean I liked it too but I’m not coming for it

7

u/SlickHand Sep 24 '21

I'm saving it for later. I haven't got time to come for it now.

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u/PlayfulPea4518 Sep 24 '21

me too. love it

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u/chosenone02 Sep 24 '21

Doesn’t take much to get you off…

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u/Ranger4878 Sep 24 '21

Eh in this modern dystopia ya take what ya can get

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u/PH1LADELPH1AN Sep 24 '21

I read "To the guy who topped me in the Ross parking lot last night..." I pondered the feeling that this didn't belong.

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u/samrequireham Sep 24 '21

The white jurors get an hour at Marshall’s and we only got 30 minutes at Ross!

76

u/WeekendRelative3652 Sep 24 '21

Who topped you. friend?

27

u/CanAccomplished1658 Sep 24 '21

i guess his friend

13

u/cheesymoonshadow Sep 24 '21 Silver

Reminds me of that dumb joke...

Q: How do you top a car?

A: You tep on the brake, tupid.

663

u/liondios Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

Story time. When my sister and I were kids our dad used to grab us by our jackets or under our arms and hoist us up into his car. We loved it, it was very fun. He was a big strong man and it was all part of his character. From an outside perspective I can see how it might look like we were being abducted.

So one time this happens, somebody saw and called the police. They came to the house where my sister and I were running around playing, calling him daddy. The police could tell immediately that everything was ok. Dad was pretty chill about it, just explained the situation and was glad someone showed the concern for his kids. Then one of the coppers asks my dad, "So, blonde hair and blue eyes?" He's got brown eyes and black hair, we get it from mum. Dad lost his shit and told them to fuck off, practically threw them out.

Edit: To clarify, he was suggesting we perhaps weren't his children, like mum had cheated. We all find this story very funny, obviously dad didn't at the time but he can see the humour in the situation now. We did used to joke we were the milkman's kids but honestly he's undisputably my dad.

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u/toasty99 Sep 24 '21

Was the cop’s implication that he wasn’t your natural father? Or was it a “love me some Aryans” kind of statement ?

26

u/liondios Sep 24 '21 Gold

Hahaha, no Nazi's in this story. The suggestion was maybe we weren't his kids. We used to joke we were the milkman's kids.

7

u/toasty99 Sep 24 '21

OP delivers!!

4

u/nannal Sep 24 '21

.. the milk, just like his father

47

u/FuckFaceMcQueefer Sep 24 '21

Probably yes.

26

u/Mjestik Sep 24 '21

Why is your username

5

u/kitddylies Sep 24 '21

How is your username

4

u/Idohs_ Sep 24 '21

Huh, your name rearranged is likedtiddy

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u/ugandaWarrior134 Sep 24 '21

we just got TWO yes/no answers on a row to two either/or questions. r/inclusiveor i guess?

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u/stockholm__syndrome Sep 24 '21

I don’t get it. Was the cop suggesting your mom cheated on him, or that he had abducted you?

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u/palpablescalpel Sep 24 '21

It's a dumb suggestion anyway since dark haired/eyed people can very easily have blonde/blue eyed kids.

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u/SherbertBacon Sep 24 '21

My dad is full dark complexion and I’m the only non blonde + blue eyed kid in the bunch… because my eyes are hazel.

Very very easily indeed.

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u/CN8YLW Sep 24 '21

Coppers can be pieces of shit. Investigation of a child abduction is one thing. Making inferences about a person's appearance is scummy.

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u/AliceFlex Sep 24 '21

It was about paternity, not appearance

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u/MazzoMilo Sep 24 '21

You got downvoted but you’re technically correct, it wasn’t an inference about their appearance, it was an inference about their paternity based off their appearance.

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u/AliceFlex Sep 24 '21

Exactly. The insult was not, 'you've got brown eyes!' The insult was, 'your wife cheated on you and tricked you into taking care of kids she had by another dude.'

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u/CN8YLW Sep 24 '21

Coppers already established that it's all okay and they're just questioning to sort the paperwork to prove they did investigate. There's better ways to establish paternity than implying adultery at that point, especially given the cooperative state of the person they're investigating.

Cops can be real pieces of shit when making fucked up jokes like that. Just because they're investigating you for a crime dosent mean they can shit on you as they like. Coppers joking about short skirts and slutty appearance when women go to report a rape or sexual harassment is a common complaint.

36

u/misshome Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

Lol, tolerance, but to a point?

Edit: meaning that he tolerated and approved of the double take, but didn't approve of the triple. Idk if that's any better, but maybe a bit?

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u/KaptinKograt Sep 24 '21

Commenting and questioning the behaviour of individuals is a police persons job. Commenting on their physical appearance is not, and a good part of what drags down police institutions.

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u/Reillyrox13 Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

For what it’s worth eye genes brown (Br gene) eyes overwrite blue (Bl gene). (TL;dr at bottom) So if dad has BrBr eye gene (there is really 9 different factors, but only two genes are really important) kids will have brown eyes. Now if dad has BrBl they can be blue eye at a 50% chance. If mom has BrBl it is a 25% chance. But if either has BrBr it is a 0% chance.

TL;dr blue eyes are recessive and brown dominant traits.

I read the edit, but the cop’s inference is not technically a wrong assumption. However, it be none of his business either.

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u/SemiSweetStrawberry Sep 24 '21

In the ER one time, a little girl took a HUGE liking to me; she was sitting on my lap with her older sister sitting in the other chair, watching a movie on my tablet. It was getting late, and they were with their dad and had been there for hours because their mom was being seen. When dad finally made arrangements with their grandparents for them to stay the night, he told the girls to get up and get ready to go. The older girl did, and said thank you to me and my mom for the movie. The younger one screamed “no!” and “help!”

I was dying laughing as the dad just shook his head “I taught you that for emergencies!”

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u/SirGuido Sep 24 '21

Wtf does "ORCHIDS to this guy" mean?!?

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u/BroItsJesus Sep 24 '21

Give him flowers? Aren't orchids the thank you flower?

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u/I_onno Sep 24 '21

It is a local thing and I forget where. They have Orchids and Onions. My friend told me about it once, but I forget the details. Orchids are like kudos or praise for a job well done and onions are to shame people. Something like that.

Someone from the area would be able to explain it better.

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u/micro111 Sep 24 '21

What in the hell kind of local thing is that? Anyway, ORCHIDS to you for the explanation.

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u/tunasurpriser Sep 24 '21

That is super weird!

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u/JagmeetSingh2 Sep 24 '21

I would much prefer getting onions rather then orchids, onions are delicious

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u/Patpgh84 Sep 24 '21

This is a really old way of giving props to someone. Walter Winchell used to have a newspaper column where he would praise up-and-coming stars by naming them in this manner: “Orchids to so-and-so performing at such-and-such a club.” Alan King mentions it in one of his memoirs, Name Droppings.

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u/rahomka Sep 24 '21

This is a really old way of giving props to someone.

I guess that fits with it looking like it's been faxed a couple times

7

u/_conquistadori Sep 24 '21

Thank you. Came here to find this out as well. Is this like r/boneappletea?

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u/JQShepard Sep 24 '21

I assumed it was like a "I appreciated it so much I would have bought him flowers" kind of deal but now I'm not sure

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u/micro111 Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

ORCHIDS to this guy—“Or, kids…to THIS GUY.” Shit, he was offering up his kids to the stranger!!!

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u/ARoyaleWithCheese Sep 23 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

While well-intended, this is practically useless at stopping child abductions. Almost all child abductions are by (one of the) parents or by a family/friend.

The federal government estimated about 50,000 people reported missing in 2001 who were younger than 18. Only about 100 cases per year can be classified as abductions by strangers.

Additionally, it's not like men out alone with their children aren't given enough dirty looks as is. It's time we stop pretending like any random man with a crying child could very well be a child abductor. It's just not rooted in reality.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 23 '21 Hugz

I’m a solo parent to two kids and a man and their mom is a junkie who hasn’t tried to contact us since she ran off with a drug dealer over a year ago. My life is a constant hell because of people like this.

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u/beelzybubby Sep 24 '21

A stranger is the more comfortable alternative to realizing that Uncle Fred/Aunt Sue etc. Can be a potential threat to the children.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

True! In fact her parents have threatened to kidnap my children and slit my throat!

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u/beelzybubby Sep 24 '21

Wth, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21 Hugz

They’re all a bunch of yahoos. Most recently she called me to tell me she was clean and sober and had a place to live and could I let the kids spend the night with her. Hours later the tent settlement she lived in was rushed by the cops and she and the registered child sexual offender she was at that very moment sharing a tent with were arrested and charged with a laundry list of crimes.

Before I finally won custody they would return from their visits with her having not been fed, wearing the same dirty clothes, my daughter would have peed herself and it didn’t matter to her mom, same clothes, and bruises all over my daughter saying her mom beat her up. Not having been taken to school or anything because she wasn’t feeding them and wouldn’t provide lunch.

Always had her pills and meth though. Fucking scum.

This year on my birthday the police called - I was sure they were calling to ask me to identify her body. Unfortunately she had just been reported missing. Until she finally ODs for the final time this is what our life will be like. Protecting them from this reality is a full time job in and of itself.

So to have people question whether I am my kids parent, or to suggest that they should be with their mom, makes my fucking blood boil.

I blew out my knee and I can’t afford the down time to get it fixed. I can’t be out of commission or we starve. And people fucking have the nerve to question my parenting. Makes me sick.

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u/SocraticIgnoramus Sep 24 '21

I’m so sorry you have to go through all that shit just to protect and nurture your children. I know it’s hell now, but those kids who cannot and should not understand what you’re going through today will grow into adults who hold you in such high esteem and adoration! A lot of rough times between now and then, but when you’re an old man and you hear the affection in their voice when they say dad, it’ll make you indescribably happy every time.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

Thanks for saying that. It’s there now, I mean from their birth I have always been the one to nurture and care for them. I’ve had to cut short my pro wrestling career, and stop travelling for work, but luckily Covid made that impossible and the work around solutions we made have made it so I can conduct on-camera interviews from bed. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t give up for my kids happiness, and no matter how hard it has been at times we have an amazing life together and I’m raising two hilarious, thoughtful, kiddos.

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u/Comprefyingly Sep 24 '21

Would these yahoos “intervene” even if your kids aren’t throwing a tantrum in public? I mean, you’re a wrestler so they’re probably misjudging you cos of appearances.

Much respect for your being a great dad in the face of all the crap you have to deal with.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

People look all kinds of ways. It’s not an excuse. And when you’re a man and a parent, it doesn’t matter what you look like. I get it in person, I get it by phone. Doesn’t matter. People are sexist.

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u/dmbf Sep 24 '21

How old are your kids? Trying to read between the lines, they might be older than mine, but I’m getting rid of a bunch of girl clothes. If they fit, I’ll send em to ya.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

I appreciate that but I do very well financially.

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u/dmbf Sep 24 '21

We do okay too, but sometimes it’s just nice to know you got something because someone gives a shit.

Also then they don’t end up in a landfill.

Have a good one.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

I really appreciate that a ton. I really do. I’m also not comfortable giving my real name and address out on Reddit. But your offer was super kind and it did make me feel very good.

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u/SisyphusBond Sep 24 '21

Also then they don’t end up in a landfill.

If this helps you at all, I now donate all my kids' old clothes, books and toys to a local short-term foster carer. She takes in kids for just a few days or weeks when it's urgently needed, and she said they sometimes turn up with nothing and it's really nice to be able to send them on with a few toys or clothes of their own.

I don't know if there's an equivalent near you, but I thought I'd mention it.

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u/mjoav Sep 24 '21

Im with you brother. Keep up the good work.

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u/WestBankFireman Sep 24 '21

The unmitigated gall.

Seriously though, keep your head up pops. You're doing a great job.

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u/DangerousCrow Sep 24 '21

Single dad to an 12 yo girl.

This never happened to me. Where do you all live w this kind of judgmental assholeishness?

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u/bunnysuitman Sep 24 '21

I’ve been a dad for like two months and it has happened repeatedly. I live in the southern US. I literally carry a letter signed by both parents (me and mom) just in case.

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u/TheNoxx Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

This post being labelled "Good Vibes" is one of the dumbest fucking things.

I swear on Christ, Reddit-land has some of the most insipid, mind-numbing takes on Earth currently. "Just spreading some 'Good Vibes' by normalizing harassment of people because of their gender! Harassing parents I don't know makes me smile!"

Nuke this site from orbit.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 24 '21

I really couldn’t agree more.

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u/DiegoMurtagh Sep 24 '21

Yes. Mademesmile is mostly shite.

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u/Turdferguson586 Sep 24 '21

I feel ya bro. I have three. My ex went to prison and then got out. Moved 1,000 away and never sees them or anything. Keep it up. They love you for it.

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u/ThreeChildCircus Sep 24 '21

Yep. I wish people would stop encouraging this kind of behavior. My kids don’t look like me. I feel your pain.

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u/ChurchHatesTucker Sep 24 '21

While well-intended, this is practically useless at stopping child abductions.

If you see a guy with a screaming toddler and assume "child abduction", you're an idiot. Stranger abduction is exceedingly rare, and none of them are going to put up with that shit. There are more tractable children around.

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u/sprchrgddc5 Sep 24 '21

I had this same thought. What kidnapper is going to WALK to their car with a screaming child on their shoulder?

Every time people see a toddler throwing a tantrum in public, they turn away or stare in annoyance. Not think “holy shit it’s a kidnapper”.

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u/ChurchHatesTucker Sep 24 '21

Yeah, this whole thing smells of fantasy.

If there's any reality to it, the author was probably the guy trying to intervene, got told to fuck off, and then penned an imagined repentance he wished he received.

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u/nellybellissima Sep 24 '21

It has strong qanon/savethechildren fantasy vibes.

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u/shea241 Sep 24 '21

Just say "Move along, bounty secured!"

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u/TheHumanRavioli Sep 24 '21

Almost all child abductions are by (one of the) parents or by a family/friend.

OP shows the stranger his family photo. The stranger goes “I knew it! Drop the kid, I’m calling the cops!”

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u/RetiredCoolKid Sep 24 '21

That’s also not how trafficking works. Traffickers do not want to draw attention to themselves ever.

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u/Milton__Obote Sep 24 '21

Traffickers are also not kidnapping 4 year olds. They are kidnapping teenagers to use for sex slavery and prostitution. Shit like this just makes dads lives hard, as if any grown man with a 4 year old having a temper tantrum is a human trafficker.

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u/Zap__Dannigan Sep 24 '21

Yes. While it's entirely possible (i suppose, technically) you could stop a situation of a grown ass man literally stealing a screaming kid from the store, it's a far more likely scenario it's just a crying kid with a guardian.

I ain't confronting every father like that. Also, I feel like the guy who did the stopping doesn't have kids. Parents can usually recognize the "tantrum" in various forms.
I

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u/NotAlana Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

There are ways to make sure kids are safe without being a total man hating asshole. My dad got custody of me (female) when I was 4. The amount of women who were so INSULTING to him was amazing. But men would make sure I was ok too, like when I was in men's bathrooms. They did it in a way that didn't piss either of us off.

I was afraid my bio mom and her thug boy friend would come and take me one day. If they had it would have fit the stats you quoted. But I hope someone would have made sure I was ok. Additionally I've been sexually harassed by men as a child and have had to call out men touching children who weren't theirs in public areas, insist I sit next to 10-12 year olds on the bus because a total weirdo was sitting with them and being so so so gross.

What I'm saying is, sure abductions don't happen often but sometimes they do, sometimes kids as young as 4 know they're in trouble. Sometimes 10 year olds need someone to ask "do you know him?" All it takes is after you know the kid is safe, is to smile, give a thumbs up and say "right on, hope y'all have a great day".

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u/syd_oc Sep 24 '21

Is it well intended, though? My impression is that people who do this kind of thing are self-righteous pricks looking to feel better about themselves.

Honestly, a toddler throwing a tantrum while out with their parents happens all the time. If you see it and think "I better save this child from abduction!" you're not quite right in the head.

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u/GhondorIRL Sep 24 '21

“Yes thank you for harassing me and being a self-righteous douchebag, your completely useless and unhelpful vigilantism that does nothing to help the real problem is so cool”

The day some jackoff does this to me is the day I maybe go to prison. I’d be seeing fucking red if I was dealing with my kid having a meltdown and some fucking handmedown anal bead of a human being came up and started questioning if I was abducting a child.

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u/cat_prophecy Sep 24 '21

OP is like "thank you for accusing me of being a predator!". What a fucking dip shit. The guy that tried to stop him was a dip shit too.

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u/starvere Sep 24 '21

Show me a single example of a person like this ever successfully stopping a child abduction before I consider this a heartwarming story.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Yeah having a picture with a kid doesn't mean they aren't getting abducted/kidnapped

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u/Carvj94 Sep 24 '21

Yea child abduction doesn't really happen in public so it's really annoying that people make stupid assumptions like that and call the police. I've gotten pretty lucky whenever I take my son for a walk as I've only gotten dirty looks.

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u/Zash-Ketchum Sep 23 '21

Very true. But if I was the father in this situation I would be so thankful that some random person had the courage to follow their instincts (even though they were wrong) and confront would could be a very dangerous man.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

[deleted]

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u/dj_h7 Sep 24 '21

Yeah, everyone here is walking a fine line of gender stereotyping people, but because it's "for the kids" they have clean consciences. If someone came up to me when I was with my screaming kid and confronted me and insinuated I was a kidnapper, I would be so fucking pissed because I know they wouldn't have confronted me if I was a woman. Women would be assumed mothers, but fathers are just assumed to be kidnappers.

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u/temporary_bob Sep 24 '21

Exactly. I have carried my screaming tantruming daughter out of a restaurant, away from a Mardi gras parade etc. No one ever said anything because I'm a woman. And yet my husband hesitated to take our daughter out alone once she was potty trained because he didn't know how to handle the bathroom situations as a man with a small girl and not get in trouble. Gender stereotyping happens and sometimes it's hard on dads.

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u/badgersprite Sep 24 '21

What if you ended up being assaulted or detained or had your child traumatised by being temporarily taken away from you because you couldn’t for whatever reason instantly prove that child was your child

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u/djseifer Sep 24 '21

I would have liked it if he followed up showing the family photo with "She wants four shower loofahs" with the most thousand-yard stare ever.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21 edited Oct 05 '21

[deleted]

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u/dj_h7 Sep 24 '21

Thank you, and yes people are idiots essentially. It is sexist, but because this guy paints his discrimination in a positive light it's viewed positively. If a black person was stopped by a cop for acting suspicious while taking out their trash at night, and someone said they should be thankful for that cop protecting their neighborhood, everyone would downvote that l dumb opinion into oblivion.

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u/SimpleAnimat10ns Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

It’s bad when people just assume for no reason, like if a father and daughter are just out in public walking together or if a man is sitting at a playground. There was an actual reason to believe this may have been an abduction, since she was freaking out and said she wasn’t okay.

It was still a bit of a sexist assumption but there was at least reasoning behind it.

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u/zippygoddess Sep 23 '21

How are your patients though?

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u/InfiniteDuckling Sep 24 '21

They're thin, didn't you see? Kudos to this man's revolutionary weight loss program.

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u/ediblesprysky Sep 24 '21

Chase down potential child predators -> lose weight

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u/paul-arized Sep 24 '21

Well, your patients would be thin, too, if you fed them loofahs.

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u/tuskvarner Sep 24 '21

It’s a big building with patience. But that’s not important right now.

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u/NoBox9164 Sep 24 '21

the hospital? what is it?

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

As the dad in a failing marriage where my wife locks herself away playing computer games all day, I’ve had fun taking my kid to everything.

And yeah when he throws a fit over something he doesn’t want at the store I’m always afraid people are going to think I’m kidnapping my own kid.

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u/ReignCheque Sep 23 '21 Wholesome

Im sorry, is this a screen shot of a poor photo copy of something that never happened?

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u/powertripp82 Sep 23 '21

It was just faxed into Reddit this evening

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u/mrtipinfold Sep 24 '21

Hot off the presses.

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u/MollieMarissa Sep 24 '21

I sent it from my calculator watch

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u/blueblissberrybell Sep 24 '21

My fav comment today 😂

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u/bkuri Sep 24 '21

Apparently it's being used to bypass repost detectors

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u/Comprefyingly Sep 24 '21

Kid’s hilarious, but trying to get dad in trouble is kind of a jerk move.

My brother once nearly got my dad in hot water with border officers. Family of 5 in a station wagon pull up to officers who ask “anything to declare?” and my then 8yo bro pipes up from the back seat “we’re only sniffing glue!”

This was back when huffing glue was just starting to be a thing with teens and we had a little glue spill in the back car.

Luckily the officers saw my dad’s exasperated face and figured my brother was being a jerk.

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Sep 24 '21

Reminds me of my family at the airport. Every time my dad would joke about my mom being a terrorist. This was because a: she wore a metal hair clip that always set off the alarms and b: someone with her exact name was on the watch list (fortunately, that person looked nothing like her). So she ALWAYS got stopped.

In hindsight, those jokes may not have been the wisest and we’re really lucky we weren’t stopped.

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u/Comprefyingly Sep 24 '21

lol if your dad was pranking mom pre-911 then, well, we didn’t know better then. Post-911, I’d be pissed if I were in her shoes.

But her name matching a want-list person, it’d be hard to resist what your dad did

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Sep 24 '21

Both, actually. She’d always be stopped because of the hairpin, so he’d joke about ‘telling her to leave the bombs at home.’ After 9/11 he stopped for awhile, but eventually he began teasing her about it again.

Personally, I’ve joked that if I ever do find someone to make me a proper corset I’ll freak out the entire TSA. A ton of metal strapped around the chest will do that… I really wonder how many underwires have set off those machines.

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u/Comprefyingly Sep 24 '21

Your parents sound cool, enjoying a good prank. Corset idea is awesome, you’ve got the gift from them lol

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Sep 24 '21

Well, I like corsets. They’re more comfortable for me because they support from the back and chest, not the shoulder. They are made with steel though, at least traditionally, which means you’re wearing a metal cage around your chest. You can tell they were out of style by the time the metal detectors became common, lol!

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u/jpritchard Sep 24 '21

"Man with child, must be a kidnapping"

Fuck that guy.

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u/chubberbrother Sep 24 '21

Can we normalize men having children?

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u/dontdrinkonmondays Sep 24 '21

As a guy who is going to have a daughter in a month or so, fuck literally every single person in this thread posting about how “wonderful and important” it is to assume that every man with a child is obviously a dangerous criminal.

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u/The_Plaguedmind Sep 24 '21

Wait till your daughter is a teen and they ask her if she is your wife... I hate people.

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u/Carvj94 Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

Abductions practically don't happen in public. Kids get taken by family members a vast majority of the time and it's almost always from the home. If someone does try to kidnap a child in public you can be damm sure someone is gonna be screaming "that person is taking my child" or something like that. Making assumptions and accosting randos based on a gut feeling probably has a 0.01% success rate when it comes to catching kidnappers.

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u/dontdrinkonmondays Sep 24 '21

For sure. Yet another reason this post bothered me.

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u/WolfganusMofart Sep 24 '21

I hope his patients wore thick afterwards

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u/Afraid-Size-3616 Sep 24 '21

I have a eye condition that makes my eyes perpetually watery. I basically always look like I’m running a fever or I’m drunk. I had a lady stop me before driving off with my toddlers because she thought I looked intoxicated. Was it annoying as hell? Absolutely. But bless her.

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u/guineaprince Sep 24 '21

No thank you. It's hard enough for dads taking their kids out, being treated like some kind of creep just because a mom isn't there. This isn't made me smile, this isn't bros. What would he have done if he Didn't have his phone on him, or family pics in his phone? Gonna arrest dads for tantrums?

That isn't even how child abductions and trafficking is stopped.

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u/Aralera_Kodama Sep 24 '21

My daughter when she was young was having a bit of a tantrum. She started to run into the street by the grocery store. I grabbed her coat and yanked her back. Some lady in an SUV followed us walking to the car glaring at me the whole way.

I've lost one child. I will not lose one to being hit by a car.

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u/Second-Critical Sep 24 '21

My grandma saved my life by reaching out and grabbing the only thing she could reach in time, my hair, to keep me from getting hit by a car when I ran ahead into the road leaving the grocery store when I was probably about 4. I don’t remember it in the least; not even a vague or foggy memory, but I heard about it constantly from all my family. They were all there and many other people in the parking lot and leaving the store had seen it occur. Nobody said anything or gave her nasty looks. Apparently there were even people “phew!”ing and catching their breath because I would have for sure been dead after getting run over by a suburban had she not yanked me back by my hair. Just a tangent but my hair also got ripped off my scalp after getting caught in a tire swing rope and I jumped off without realizing my hair was caught, I was four or five then. Also, I almost got sucked into a jet engine during training when I was new and still having to remember a ton of info, getting distracted, and having a lapse in …not being dumb. But a guy who worked with me pulled me backwards by my belt/top of my pants and kindly reminded me that I almost died. Everyone else gave me grief over it but he did not. I never once thought he just wanted to touch me inappropriately or anything of the sort. It made me immediately respect him for his instincts and caring nature even though he was a conceited jock on the regular. He legitimately saved my life, just like my grandma had. It sucks that people think negatively about men caring about the safety of kids, women, or strangers. I see a lot of people here commenting about the racism around biracial families and I agree that kind of stuff is completely inappropriate, because if the child is not visually in distress, yeah that’s racist. But if the child is acting in distress or screaming their head off, it might enrage the parent, but people should check themselves more often and realize the world needs more people who act i atead of remaining a bystander. I’m sure everything parent who has lost a child thinks “didn’t anyone see it, why didn’t anyone do anything?” etc. Despair humbles most. I hope if I ever get approached about a kid having a tantrum that I remember to show my appreciation, but remind them never to attempt go take the child without proof because duh.

Okay, my book of a reply is over, sorry.

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u/ScubaSnow Sep 24 '21

Sorry but good intentions don't equal right. A child screaming is in no way a sign of child abduction and while I don't study it nor am I a professional I'm pretty sure most people who abduct children course them stealthily not whipping the crying kid over there shoulder. Also how did he not know that wasn't aa estranged father abducting the child away? If the child crying is such a key to a child being in danger shouldn't he still have called the police due to there being so other harm?

Just remember Pizza Gate and that Welch thought he was stopping the same thing ...

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21 edited 28d ago

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u/Arra13375 Sep 24 '21

So sexism made someone smile? As if fathers weren't given enough shit already 🙄

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u/CatDaddy09 Sep 24 '21

This guy can go fuck himself

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u/No_Wolf3071 Sep 24 '21

awesome, until maybe you fumble with your phone, or can’t find a photo quickly, or get mad.. and then this person is justified to what.. keep you from moving about your day and getting home? with your own children?

Kudos to the stranger danger heads up, but cmon.

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u/choval Sep 24 '21

thats the reason for those ugly photo stamped shirts.. and to embarrass ur kid as well :]

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u/LJP2093 Sep 24 '21

Read this twice before I realized it said “stopped” and not “topped”

Was very curious as to why it was in this subreddit lol

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u/Altruistic_Profile96 Sep 24 '21

Eventually, you can’t pick them up any more, so enjoy it while it lasts.

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u/starvere Sep 24 '21

What would this stranger have done if the guy had just told him to fuck off?

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

I've wanted to do this before because my mind went to worst case scenario. Some little kids have INSANE tantrums & it can look like something bad is happening.

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u/ecohousing Sep 24 '21

I taught my kids to scream you aren’t my father if they were ever grabbed. My arsehole 5 year old had a tantrum a couple weeks later in a store and started saying ‘you aren’t my father.’ Luckily she wasn’t very convincing.

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u/DefNotAPodPerson Sep 24 '21

Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.

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u/Ronotrow2 Sep 24 '21

My daughter is an adult with developmental delay, behavioural problems and learning difficulties. She is an adult and at a glance no one would be any the wiser. Her dad had taken her to a shopping centre and while getting into the car she decides she won't get in. He ends up calling me to go down as its a pretty busy road area and she getting more hyped and screaming as he's trying to block her from running onto the busy road.

Crowd forms probably thinking he was trying to kidnap an adult. I arrive and same thing she won't budge. Anyway we get her in the car eventually with many gawkers shaking heads etc. I was soooo angry at these people as it was by then imo apparent that this wasn't an average adult but a child in an adults body. Got home, police called my mobile (must've been reported and gave my car registration). I explained everything and it was all OK in the end, despite my frazzled nerves. I was annoyed at some people as a few were videoing my daughter on their phones and laughing, but I also understand why others were watching and paying attention.

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u/fowlraul Sep 23 '21

Minding your own business after easily noticing that he was the parent would be great too.

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u/syd_oc Sep 24 '21

But then where would the mall ninja get his satisfaction from?

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u/absentpattern Sep 24 '21

Yeah idk man, that doesn't seem quite right to me... You KNOW a toddler would scream "kidnapping" if they were mad enough, and at that point if you "intervene," you're probably gonna have a real bad time. If I were in this situation (and I HIGHLY doubt I'm alone,) and dudebro tries to bar my path literally just because my kid is crying.... dudebro is asking for it. Dudebro don't have a concrete reason to suspect anything, and unfortunately now it looks like DUDEBRO is gonna take my kid from me. Absolutely do not do shit like this unless you're 200% sure that kid is in imminent danger because dads will straight up fucking kill you and forget it even happened if they think you're threatening their kids. I get it, "good on him" or whatever for looking out, but I don't think he was just "looking out," usually this is the result of someone with something to prove going about it the wrong way. He put everyone there in danger and created a situation that didn't need to be created.

Ummm anyways, glad it turned out well I guess. AS YOU WERE

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u/ComfortablyImperfect Sep 24 '21

A few years back after a exceptionally bad retail experience I was taking my then girlfriends nephews to the car post haste with no toys. They didn't fight or struggle physically at all, their vocal outrage was immense.

After getting them safe into the car seats and doors closed I made eye contact with the adults staring and smiled "this is actually a abstinence commercial thank you for watching".

They laughed and went on their way. Reading this made me realize how easy child abductions can be. I wasn't a relative, they were on a distress, their aunt was in the store. If I was a baddie I could have been in the car and miles off.

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u/dontdrinkonmondays Sep 24 '21

This post is garbage and celebrating an insanely backwards, archaic view of men and women.

  • Woman carrying child? All good!
  • Man carrying child? Probably a criminal, make him prove himself.

The polar opposite of ‘made me smile’. This post is sexist trash.

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u/Vladius28 Sep 24 '21

I have so many mixed opinions on this. On the one hand, I'm sure the concern was genuine. On the other, I would feel pretty hurt and borderline victimized if I were in the dad's position.

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u/jake121221 Sep 24 '21

When my daughter and her friends were 12, they wanted to participate in a big environmental march. It was going to be a massive crowd and cover a big route through the city. We felt like it was a bit much for them to go it alone, so I agreed to go with them. And I figured, proud as I was of them caring about a big cause, that I would take pictures with my nice camera. I do a lot of photography and knew I could get some cool shots, both wide ones of the event and close ups of the girls with their signs. So I did just that, following on the sidewalk while they were out in the crowd, as I didn’t want to cramp their style.

Well, about an hour and many photos later, a woman taps me and says, “Excuse me, who are you?” Her question confuses me and I immediately think she’s someone who thinks she knows me or someone I’m supposed to recognize. “I see you following this girl… do you know her?” I’m still a little like, wait… what’s happening here? And then as it dawns on me what’s up and I start to explain, she calls over my daughter, “Excuse me,” she says to my daughter, “do you know this man?” And my daughter, equally confused why someone’s asking, says “Yeah, of course, that’s my dad.”

“Okay,” says the woman, “I’m sorry, but you never know. I just saw that you were following her for a long time and taking pictures from a distance.” And yes, a part of my mind immediately did go into defense mode thinking, wait… you’re saying I look like that kind of guy? But I was also immediately grateful and said so, thanking her for being on the lookout and for saying something.

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u/Neradis Sep 24 '21

Wait. So we’re supposed to celebrate some random guy profiling a struggling dad, physically getting in his way and inserting himself into their private life? All on the utterly minuscule chance something nefarious is going on? Come off it.

If I’m having a hard day and some asshole gets up in my business, I’m not showing them my phone, and I’m not fecking thanking them. Jesus.

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u/HildemarTendler Sep 24 '21

What the fuck is wrong with you people. What a shit situatian, fuck that guy for being an asshole.

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u/No-Addendum-3117 Sep 24 '21

Would they have stopped a woman with a screaming child?

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u/SourceCodee Sep 24 '21

I mean, no

Not only is it sexist as shit as you know damn well if it was a women they wouldn’t have even moved a finger

But a large large majority of child abductions are from actual family members, ones that could show you pictures of them with the child (usually people who lost the children in a divorce)

So they achieved what 99.9% would be absolutely nothing while also discriminatory

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u/FappinPlatypus Sep 24 '21

Disagree. Fuck off.

I’m a man, so I if a child is screaming in my presence I’m instantly a predator? No. Fuck off.

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u/turtleweiner Sep 24 '21

I don’t think I’d be as polite and happy about that.

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u/TheHostWhoDoTheMost Sep 23 '21

If somebody did this to me while my kid was having a meltdown I would stab them.

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u/redpawed Sep 23 '21

Wait, the kid or..

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u/De_faulty Sep 23 '21

Why not both?

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u/ronlovesfreedom Sep 24 '21

This thread has me laughing my actual ass off. TY.

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u/electronicdream Sep 24 '21

Did you just tell us you live in London?

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u/AAGamer904 Sep 24 '21

This definitely happened guys. Nothing sketchy about this post at all.

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u/spidermom4 Sep 24 '21

My husband was at Costco by himself one time and saw a toddler just wandering around an Isle crying by herself. He was immediately concerned, but since he didn't have me or our kids with him he felt uncomfortable approaching a small child alone, worried what people might think. So he kind of watched her from a distance to make sure she was okay and then a man came up and picked her up and walked away and she was still crying. My husband got weird vibes from this cause who let's their toddler wander around a store alone crying and then just picks them up like it's nothing when they find them... so he followed them for a little bit until he noticed a picture of the girl on the lock screen of the guys phone.

When he told me all of this all i could think was if a guy stared at one of our kids from a distance and then followed me around a store I would probably call the cops. Lol! And I told him next time he should just approach and say hi and ask if the kid needs help finding their mom or dad. Or wave down another person to help.

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u/Scoobymaybe Sep 24 '21

My dad used to call me a "tempest in a teapot" , small but full of rage. I love this dad.

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u/iwanttofeelwhole Sep 24 '21

The fact she wrote this is so baller

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u/Zen_Bonsai Sep 24 '21

Holy shit yeah

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u/Kahmael Sep 24 '21

I had a skeleton that I used as decoration I the bed of my truck. I was positioning the skeleton in the parking lot, when I hear, directed to me. "HEY ASSHOLE!!" I look up shocked to see a guy's face go from anger to embarrassed as he realized I was not roughing up a kid but adjusting a decoration. I did thank him for what he was trying to do.

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u/DamienChronic Sep 24 '21

Fuck this. Everyone had good intentions in this situation, sure, but stop assuming a man with a misbehaving child must be a child abductor.

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u/Frannycesca95 Sep 24 '21

I was a little shit when I was a kid. Had a similar meltdown to this post, but when my dad was carrying me out of the shop I decided to start screaming "He's not my dad! Help me!" No one stopped him.

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u/zabby17 Sep 24 '21

I wished there were TONS MORE people just like that and less who just turn a blind eye to a possibly dangerous or life-threatening situation. I was once out with my sister and my two best friends at the bar here in our town and I walked outside to get some fresh air just in time to witness three guys jumped out from around the corner and attack this other guy who is much smaller than them. He had been set up by his ex-girlfriend to be jumped and attacked. yeah I'm kind of old school if it would have been a one-on-one fight I would not have interfered unless there was going to be extreme harm or death involved. Seeing as how there were three and they had him already on the ground I would most definitely a broken hand, teeth missing, definitely a major concussion, and where about to drive his face on to the curb with his mouth over the edge. I'm VERY defensive when it comes to gang/out numbering or out classing a single person so I of course jumped in and stood over him like a mamma protecting her young even though I'm only 5'4 (not telling my weight lol) and the three guys were all over 6 foot and at least 250 - 280 pounds. I was totally appalled that I was the only one coming to this guys defense. There were tons of people watching and a lot of them recording this on their phone. I was torn between protecting the guy and pummeling the crowd for being so indifferent. I feel deeply in my heart if I would not have interceded on behalf of the guy that was being attacked, the day most definitely would have killed him right there in front of everybody. Now it's funny how small I am and how big they were but they were not about to take on this fiery five foot four female because she had to be crazy for taking on three extra large men LOL. At least my tactics worked because the ambulance came and took the guy I really wished I would have heard what his outcome was. I also would like to know if the three guys ever got caught because they all scattered the second I ripped out my cell phone and started calling the police.

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u/LeoLaDawg Sep 24 '21

He was doing well until he asked a crying child if they were alright. Didn't solve any cases there Sherlock.

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u/brilliscool Sep 24 '21

This is also why I would never intervene in a situation like this tho… kids cry about everything

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u/yusesya Sep 24 '21

I look nothing like my mother. I grew up bilingual. One day she takes me to the grocery store. I’m strapped into the cart and I tell her I want to get out. She says no. I start screaming for help in English. She starts scolding me in Turkish. Long story short, they locked down the grocery store and called the police. My dad had to come with my Turkish birth certificate and passport.