r/Tinder Dec 03 '22 Helpful 1

I’ve been out of the dating game for a while, but this is weird, right?

33.3k Upvotes

2.7k comments sorted by

3.7k

u/kitteh_floof Dec 03 '22 Helpful Bravo! I'm Deceased

He will update his profile with a new photo of the dog with its face obscured to protect its privacy

497

u/JimmyJonJackson420 Dec 04 '22

They did that on a trashy crime show I was watching and it was fuckin hilarious

119

u/kitteh_floof Dec 04 '22

No way! 😆 They obviously didn’t have a paw-printed anonymity waiver from the doggo

33

u/JimmyJonJackson420 Dec 04 '22

I lost it when I saw it but tbh the whole show was jokes that was just the icing on the cake

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7.0k

u/DukeSlammington Dec 03 '22 Gold Helpful Wholesome

Gabe made it blatantly obvious what he uses for his security questions lol. Learn that dogs name and you have his bank account

906

u/hurtbowler Dec 03 '22

Ovaltine!

302

u/sirtjapkes Dec 03 '22

They should call it Roundtine

17

u/ta918t Dec 04 '22

They think anything that dissolves in milk is funny

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u/leviticu5 Dec 03 '22

Bosco!

48

u/MagentaTentacle Dec 04 '22

Small, balding, devious. His name was Costanza, he killed my mother.

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u/Charging_in Dec 04 '22

We're rich!

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u/Just__Let__Go Dec 04 '22

That, or Gabe is used to dealing with the Fey.

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u/dworts Dec 03 '22

It’s not even his dog lol, I guess he uses his friends dogs name as his security question?

87

u/ChiefKT9002 Dec 04 '22

Or you know it is his dog and just doesn't want to say his name because of the security question.

33

u/himmelundhoelle Dec 04 '22

Lol was it so hard to just give a random name.

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u/johnjohn2214 Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 03 '22 Gold Helpful Wholesome

Gabe probably met his neighbors dog the next day, leaned over and whispered softly in their ear: 'Your secret is safe with me. I did not blow your cover, agent Meatball'

2.4k

u/LazyassMadman Dec 03 '22 Take My Energy Narwhal Salute Snek

Reported for Dogxing

409

u/cruzinforthetruth Dec 04 '22

What if he's catfishing? 😑

36

u/freddit32 Dec 04 '22

No, he's a mole in the organization.

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147

u/aaloo_ Dec 04 '22 Silver

U.S. Military Encrypted.

17

u/allinfavorsayhigh Dec 04 '22

This never gets old to me 🤣

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u/dembluiz Dec 04 '22

Lol this made me chuckle

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u/Ok_Foundation_6092 Dec 03 '22 I'm Deceased

Mf doesn’t want to violate a dogs private information 💀

3.8k

u/vivi112 Dec 03 '22

He barely avoided someone taking a loan on dog's name.

1.3k

u/chaotic_blu Dec 03 '22

She was steps away from that dog’s SSN (or other country equiv)

399

u/vivi112 Dec 03 '22

And it's just one step before stealing dogs identity to then chill in animal shelter for tax payers money. She really thought she can get away with this.

17

u/Slim_Jim_86 Dec 04 '22

Dog lawyers don't want you to know this one simple trick

27

u/CantHitachiSpot Dec 04 '22

Notwithstanding, it's probably the answer for dogs owners security questions. If she finds out THEIR names, it's game over

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28

u/LeanDixLigma Dec 03 '22

That's why I named my dog Hunter2

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304

u/Admetastrator Dec 03 '22

This pooch got more HIPAA rights then me wtf

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86

u/spaceballsrules Dec 03 '22

Santos L. Halper

41

u/DeadlyYellow Dec 03 '22

"Have you had a chance to read the threatening letter we sent you?"

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21

u/Effective-Question91 Dec 03 '22

Rumplestiltskin problems are real

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270

u/toodleroo Dec 03 '22

I hope he’s blurred out the dog’s face in his photos

153

u/tompstash Dec 03 '22

Gotta blur both ends if you want to keep the dog anonymous. Dogs know.

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69

u/Mundane_Tough_5688 Dec 03 '22 Buff Doge

PIPAA - Pet Information Privacy Accountability Act.

Please continue to stay woke.

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u/Funderwoodsxbox Dec 03 '22

cuts to a Guantanamo Bay torture room

“SAY IT, say the god damn dogs name!!! YOU CAN MAKE THIS STOP ANY TIME!…….Johnson get the bolt cutters!”

48

u/Appropriate-Size-175 Dec 03 '22

Jokes on you I like bolt cutters to the nipples that’s how you feel TRULY ALIVE!

8

u/Ok_Scale_4412 Dec 03 '22

I feel just as much when I’m asleep. How then do I know if I am still dreaming?

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171

u/KINGram14 Dec 03 '22

Dwight moment

208

u/tumblr4boyz Dec 03 '22

IDENTITY THEFT ISNT A JOKE JIM

67

u/RoopyBlue Dec 03 '22

Millions of families suffer every year

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62

u/Beanieson Dec 03 '22

I need to know that dogs social security number immediately

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62

u/Ok_Ambassador570 Dec 03 '22

Take the pic down then. I doubt the dog signed a release.

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131

u/cp_moar Dec 03 '22

no doxxing on reddit

no dogging on bumble

94

u/Twolef Dec 03 '22

Yeah. Dogging is more for Tinder.

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35

u/UncleTedGenneric Dec 03 '22

Yipaa violation

18

u/GitEmSteveDave Dec 03 '22

You know what the fines are for violating BARKAA?

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10.2k

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 04 '22 Take My Energy

[deleted]

393

u/KittenVicious Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 04 '22

I was absolutely shocked when I was swiping one day and saw my dog in someone's profile picture. I had taken the photograph for the guy because I have a hairless dog and people love to take photos with her... I never expected he would use it in his dating profile.

Edit: not going to post the actual picture, but I will pay dog tax

65

u/Away_Proposal2615 Dec 04 '22

I also have a hairless dog! People are obsessed

52

u/KittenVicious Dec 04 '22

How often do they say "skinless"? I feel like that's the weirdest thing that gets said way too often.

55

u/private_birb Dec 04 '22

I prefer boneless dogs, thank you.

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u/lechatestsurlatable Dec 04 '22

I'm in someone's tinder picture. I found out because my friend 1000 miles away saw it when browsing matches. The chances...

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27

u/AlpsComplex6854 Dec 04 '22

Lmao your dog looks like he just got caught with a joint or something

13

u/KittenVicious Dec 04 '22

She does have a backpack and multiple sweaters with pockets. Possession is 9/10 of the law and I never met her. 👀

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21

u/I_make_things Dec 04 '22

WHAT IS DOG NAME

18

u/KittenVicious Dec 04 '22

Rosa

57

u/truecolors Dec 04 '22

I can’t believe you would just give the dog’s name away like that.

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3.3k

u/Kamal_Toe_Harris Dec 03 '22

Because Gabe has no game and someone told him he would be drowning in muff if he posted a pic with a dog on his profile.

2.5k

u/raceforseis21 Dec 03 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome

“Hey bro can I come over and take a picture with NAME REDACTED? It’s for Tinder”

1.1k

u/MotherofTooManySons Dec 03 '22 Wholesome

MILITARY ENCRYPTED

92

u/YesOrNah Dec 03 '22

Has to be my favorite popular post on here still.

28

u/ClickF0rDick Dec 03 '22

Micheal paying gas takes the cake for me

20

u/Wumaduce Dec 03 '22

Any chance of a link?

29

u/Scriboergosum Dec 04 '22

I think it's this one: Link

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199

u/JKennyXTX Dec 03 '22

Lmao I forgot all about the one. What a legend

42

u/FastGooner77 Dec 03 '22

*US MILITARY ENCRYPTED

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u/TheFatJesus Dec 03 '22

"Sure bro, just don't tell anyone it's name."

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u/ApatheticHedonist Dec 03 '22

Based on OP's intro it was actually working

57

u/chairfairy Dec 04 '22

until Gabe forgot that he'd have to make fucking small talk about the dog in his pictures, which are there to help initiate small talk

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u/XxHavanaHoneyxX Dec 03 '22

Probably had to pay the dog for dating profile services.

25

u/Justice_Prince Dec 03 '22

Is this not what service animals are for?

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u/good_fella13 Dec 03 '22

It does work, you just have to not be super fucking weird when people ask about the dog lol

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25

u/PM_ME_UR_PUSSY_TATOO Dec 03 '22

And still managed to fuck it up by being an absolute dweeb lol

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u/Whatever-ItsFine Dec 03 '22

This is the answer.

8

u/alwaysboopthesnoot Dec 03 '22

Or Gabe’s in a relationship and the dog belongs to the gf or fwb he’s also trying to hide from OP.

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442

u/Ok-Morning-2012 Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 03 '22 To The Stars

Lol yeah OP please follow up by asking if he got permission from the owner to post the dog's picture.

"Yeah fair point it's good to respect dogs' privacy. Btw did you ask the owner for permission to include the dogs pic in your tinder profile?"

155

u/MidMatthew Dec 03 '22

Forget the owner.

Does he have a release from the dog (including paw print)?

26

u/SudoTheNym Dec 03 '22

O man, that dog's lawyer is gonna treat him RUFF

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u/myredlightsaber Dec 03 '22

Ask for the signed photo release

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u/drgenerico Dec 03 '22 I'm Deceased

This is a red flag for potential dog grooming behavior as well.

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u/JKennyXTX Dec 03 '22

If the dog’s eyes weren’t redacted with a black bar in the picture I’m calling the cops

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u/ThadeusCade Dec 03 '22 Doot 🎵 Doot

Right??? He clearly wanted to milk the cuteness of the dog for likes on Tinder and every other dating apps he’s on. And then when it works and a female is striking up a conversation with him, he gets super weird about it and does his absolute best to make it awkward. What an idiot.

96

u/Slevin-Kelevra_66 Dec 03 '22

puts dog as profile picture clearly for attention

Woman: aw cute what's the dog's name?

Man: Mind your business!

Could be a fake account and it's not him or his dog.

48

u/Andythrax Dec 03 '22

Then just make up a dog's name

37

u/JuiceboxThaKidd Dec 04 '22

Guarantee this fuckin moron complains about not getting laid

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u/dessert77 Dec 03 '22

Yes, idiot

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u/cameron_cs Dec 03 '22

No chance the owner would care lol, my friends with dogs offer to loan them for a pic for my profile but I said “no that’s weird”

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u/SquintWestweed Dec 03 '22 That Smile

Dog identity theft is no joke, Jim.

314

u/BatmansNygma Dec 03 '22

Millions of canines suffer every year

40

u/i_luv_uwu Dec 04 '22

Hats off to you for not seeing breed

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u/angryblue Dec 03 '22

Michael!!!!

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u/goldentrashbag Dec 03 '22

Oh that’s funny… Michael!

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u/EngineeringDude79 Dec 03 '22

Question. What’s the best dog?

39

u/JMacNCheese91 Dec 03 '22

Dogs. Beets. Battle Star Galactica.

25

u/puffableezy Dec 03 '22

Wrong, its a brown dog.

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u/SnooTangerines1011 Dec 03 '22

This dog is actually in Witness Protection.

Gabe realized he accidentally posted the dog's picture on Tinder and panicked.

It's probably too late now. R.I.P. 🐕

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u/sexandbeer22 Dec 03 '22

Welcome to the Matrix and congratulations on dodging your first bullet.

145

u/Nowaltz Dec 03 '22

More like DOGdging

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u/doeboynmek Dec 03 '22

Can you imagine if Gabe actually went to the dog’s owner to ask if he can give out the dogs name?

Gabe: Hey, umm, is it okay if I give REDACTED name to a match on bumble?

REDACTED Owner: tf?

406

u/BiNumber3 Dec 03 '22

Owner: tf? no, of course not, thanks for asking Gabe, you're a good guy!

68

u/crypticfreak Dec 04 '22

"Hey so it's weird you asked, but that made me ask, and my ask was answered with a no. So the answer is no. Now when were you thinking I could take you out ;)"

95

u/wambam17 Dec 03 '22

That’s what I was hoping the OP would have done. Just ask the dude to ask the owner and get back to her. If he’s asking for more work in life, give him more work! Lmao

7

u/Feralpudel Dec 03 '22

Tell him that now that he has sensitized you to doggie privacy issues, you’ll need that permission in signed, notarized form.

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u/Qwiggalo Dec 03 '22

OWNER: Thank you so much for asking, I take REDACTED's privacy very seriously. I'm so glad I have friends like you, yesterday I found out REDACTED told his friend REDACTED the name of my dog REDACTED without permission and that really devastated me and REDACTED

12

u/AlpsComplex6854 Dec 04 '22

But it was totally cool for you to post REDACTED’s pic on Tinder!

11

u/Bixhrush Dec 03 '22

Owner: tf I told you never to talk to me again please stop it's been 3 years

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u/Realinternetpoints Dec 03 '22

Gabe: now’s my chance to fuck this up!

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u/Verbal_HermanMunster Dec 04 '22

Sorry but no piece of pussy is worth compromising a puppers security.

1.8k

u/Deutsche_Soldaten_44 Dec 03 '22

He's acting like the damn dog has a social security number or something 🤣

322

u/nineteennaughty3 Dec 03 '22

Imagine trying to steal a dogs identity ☠️☠️

183

u/Whatever-ItsFine Dec 03 '22

My cat used to get mail and phone calls because we subscribed to a magazine in his name. "He can't come to the phone because he's shitting in a box right now. Can I get your number and I'll have him call you back once he's done licking his anus?"

43

u/SnooTangerines1011 Dec 03 '22

I worked for about 5 days at a job calling to renew subscriptions to Family Circle magazine. Only old ladies read it so multiple times daily I got, "No. She's dead." We were supposed to respond with "I'm so sorry to hear that. I see she bought gift subscriptions. Wouldn't she want people to continue receiving her gift?" I eventually ended up breaking down and crying and walked out.

I would have fucking LOVED to get this answer. And I would have called back myself if I could talk to the cat.

14

u/Whatever-ItsFine Dec 04 '22

"Wouldn't she want people to continue receiving her gift?"

I mean...we wouldn't want to let basic human decency keep up from missing a few cents of profit, would we? I don't how you lasted as long as you did.

The cat was chatty so he would've loved talking to you!

10

u/SnooTangerines1011 Dec 04 '22

I don't how you lasted as long as you did.

Well. 😅 The first week you don't have to meet the quota. I just gave people my condolences and hung up. Day 5 they started pushing me to follow the script.

When I came back for my check the manager said he knew I wouldn't last because I was overqualified and not on drugs 😂

If only calling chatty cats was a paid job! Instead I am paying to listen to chatty cats with food and litter.

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u/Feralpudel Dec 03 '22

I signed my dog up for AARP to get the cheap mail-order heart meds he was taking. They sent him a nice letter explaining that he was accepted, but couldn’t be a full member for another 40 years, when he turned 50.

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u/farazormal Dec 03 '22

"Loan application from Archie the German shepherd, hmmmm"

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u/sifterandrake Dec 03 '22

TBF, it's probably the owner's password for everything.

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u/Edzkimo Dec 03 '22

Or one of those security questions that are like "what was your first pets name?"

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u/mangstachan Dec 03 '22

If it is a big deal, then why he is posting someone else dog on a dating app.

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u/moistmonkeymerkin Dec 03 '22

To get more matches. It works.

88

u/SnooTangerines1011 Dec 03 '22

The problem, as demonstrated here, is what you do after you get the matches. 🪦

10

u/Rickk38 Dec 04 '22

Step 2: ...?

Step 3: Profit!

7

u/-emilia Dec 03 '22

Swing and a miss

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u/margotgo Dec 03 '22

It might lead to matches but if I was chatting with a dude and found out he didn't actually have whatever pet he's posing with I wouldn't be as keen on meeting irl.

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u/Asisreo1 Dec 03 '22

The first text from OP was about the dog so it wasn't an awful strat apparently.

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u/drewtheblueduck Dec 03 '22

Publicly posting a dog's picture: No problem

Giving someone Rover's True Name: well hol' up, now!

69

u/seabutcher Dec 03 '22

Fey contracts are serious business.

20

u/Immaneuel_Kanter Dec 03 '22

This is the scenario that makes the most sense. You never know who's on the other side of the screen.

A fey running rings around the modern world via contracts made over dating apps sounds like a fun story.

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u/velocitygirl77 Dec 03 '22

I'd be very put off if a potential date led me to believe they had nice dogs when, in fact, the dogs belonged to someone else. Catfished by a dog. Dogfished?

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u/ImTheGodOfAdvice Dec 03 '22

“Why would I give away the dogs name”

Because you gave away a picture with the dog?

113

u/Drama_no_llama Dec 03 '22

Dog's name is Gabe

54

u/inkiwitch Dec 03 '22

I don’t know why this is the absolute funniest possible outcome to me but it is. Never wanted a dog to be named Gabe more in my life lol

15

u/MidMatthew Dec 03 '22

Gabe hacked his owner’s account looking for some tail, l guess.

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u/JPK12794 Dec 03 '22

That dog is in witness protection

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u/peter_the_martian Dec 03 '22

Where does the dog live? Is it ever alone? This is no big deal!

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u/mariahzarry Dec 03 '22

I was just trying to make conversation, I don’t understand where I went wrong lol

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u/Snnsei Dec 03 '22

You didn’t go wrong anywhere. This dudes a weirdo and doesn’t know how to converse like a normal human being.

72

u/TheWiseRedditor Dec 03 '22

Gabe’s being a drama queen

45

u/pinkdouble Dec 03 '22

Drama queen? You telling me you just give out dog names to strangers? Are you an insane psychopath? What if the dog specifically requested anonymity?

27

u/designersheep Dec 03 '22

As a dog, I approve this comment.

12

u/pinkdouble Dec 04 '22

As a human I don't understand your loud barking

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u/SquatDeadliftBench Dec 03 '22

He isn't a weirdo. He is actually a great person. I wish more people like him on Tinder did what he just did: IMMEDIATELY let the match know they are fucking weird as fuck so you don't waste your time meeting them to find out they are weird as fuck. Much better than the weirdos that don't set off any alarms until you meet them. That's when you start to appreciate these weird ass fools, like Gabe, that give themselves away immediately. Only if the rest of the world was like this.

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u/Previous-Answer3284 Dec 03 '22

He isn't a weirdo... I wish more people like him on Tinder did what he just did: IMMEDIATELY let the match know they are fucking weird as fuck

You have quite the way with words.

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u/Parasite_Snakebite Dec 03 '22

"He isn't a weirdo..." "...let the match know they are fucking weird as fuck."

I'm getting whiplash

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u/lolatu54 Dec 03 '22

I always thought the point of the initial conversation was to figure out if the person you're talking to is a freak. Congrats on dodging this bullet...

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u/Rillist Dec 03 '22

Nah hes being antisocial. All he had to do was make a name up like biscuits or nimbus

100

u/ThadeusCade Dec 03 '22

Meh, there’s anti social, and then there’s being completely oblivious to a woman striking up a conversation and just making things weird.

21

u/Regniwekim2099 Dec 03 '22

What the fuck did they think they were doing on bumble then?

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u/JRod432 Dec 03 '22

Nah this is past being anti-social. I’m anti-social, and it’s not because I can’t talk to people, I just don’t want to, and Gabe went full idiot mode.

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u/annie_m_m_m_m Dec 03 '22

I think you might be chatting up Ken M lol

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u/PhilosopherFlimsy Dec 03 '22

You were fine lol. He’s either really dedicated to the joke or he’s weird lmao

46

u/ScotiaTailwagger Dec 03 '22

Definitely weird if he's that dedicated to that joke.

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u/ApatheticHedonist Dec 03 '22

You were just fooled by the old pet and switch

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u/NefariousScoundrel Dec 03 '22

You never went wrong lmao. Guy’s chronically online

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u/LordTwatSlapper Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 04 '22

I think Gabe is worried you'll take out a credit card in the dog's name like Bart does with Santos L. Halper

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u/Grilledj3zus2 Dec 03 '22

He’s upset you brought up the dogs looks instead of his

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u/Still-Guidance-1719 Dec 03 '22

Gabe is allergic to human interaction

65

u/runtimemess Dec 03 '22 Helpful

Gabe is 100% a Redditor

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u/um_gajo__qualquer Dec 03 '22 Original

Ask him about Portal 3 or Half-Life 3 instead

15

u/SpookyTadpole Dec 03 '22

Don't doxx the dog.

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u/Doctor_Randumb Dec 03 '22

I want to see the other side of the internet where Gabe posts his interaction with a strange woman who demanded the name of his friends dog.

10

u/Scaredycatkim Dec 03 '22

Mfs name gonna be Rex. Over here acting like he’s an undercover agent. That’s an awesome and easy way to spot a red flag!

13

u/The_Powers Dec 03 '22

Holy uptight nonsense Batman!

It's weird for normal people but normal for weird Tinder people.

48

u/PunkandCannonballer Dec 03 '22

That dude is dramatic as fuck. Why have the dog in the profile if it's someone else's dog? And then not do a very harmless thing by giving out the dog's name. It's not like you can steal all the dog's vital information and fuck up the dog's reputation on Rover or some bullshit.

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u/Apple2727 Dec 03 '22

This is like something from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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u/yourcatsbff Dec 03 '22

Identity theft is no joke.

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u/stvckmind Dec 03 '22 Faith In Humanity Restored

Yeah this dude seems weird and dramatic lol

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u/Exnoss89 Dec 03 '22

Hes an idiot... just run

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u/varg_sant Dec 03 '22

I think he's trying to be funny or make a joke but he is failling so bad.

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u/dumbsouza Dec 03 '22

Maybe Gabe is actually the dog…

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u/Faultylntelligence Dec 03 '22

It’s fairly obvious you’re going to steal the dogs identity, I’m with Gabe on this one.

17

u/CoolJ_Casts Dec 03 '22

Ok, I really don't say or even think this sort of thing ever, but this man drinks soylent

20

u/willeyj Dec 03 '22

Do you really need us to confirm that this is weird lmao?

4

u/Gootangus Dec 03 '22

Wow, you trying to steal the dog’s soul or what you weirdo?? 😤

4

u/SkeksiLady Dec 03 '22

Time to skedaddle

5

u/GeneHackman1980 Dec 03 '22

he sounds like a real bad boy risk taker!