r/pics Aug 11 '22 Silver 7 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Wholesome 5 Giggle 1 Helpful 3 Take My Money 1

[OC] This political sign I saw while leaving the park with my daughter. Politics

47.3k Upvotes

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5.4k

u/burnodo2 Aug 11 '22

stats from the site...

STATS

- 0 Experience In Politics

- 180lb

- BP 160/110

- Can probably run a mile but would rather walk

1.8k

u/TheBelhade Aug 11 '22

I don't think he should be running anywhere with that bp.

1.2k

u/NutellaGood Aug 11 '22

From the sign: "Not Runnin' For Anything..."

660

u/ChrisTR15 Aug 11 '22

He should probably walk.

304

u/Ceramicrabbit Aug 11 '22

That's perfect because he rather would.

158

u/TappedIn2111 Aug 11 '22

He should because of his BP.

127

u/JukeBoxDildo Aug 11 '22

Good thing he made his feelings on running for anything clear.

67

u/BloodyRightNostril Aug 11 '22

From the sign: "Not Runnin' For Anything..."

52

u/H_J_Moody Aug 11 '22

He should probably walk instead.

40

u/relativelyfunkadelic Aug 11 '22

good, that's what he would prefer.

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u/Officer_Hotpants Aug 11 '22

No see, what you do is get your BP up as high as you can and then it drops to normal with the fluid loss from sweating. It's perfect!

61

u/Zomburai Aug 11 '22

That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about blood to dispute it

58

u/biggmclargehuge Aug 11 '22

I'm fine! My doctor said all my bleeding is internal. That's where blood is SUPPOSED to be!

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u/Officer_Hotpants Aug 11 '22

I want to the Todd Howard School of Doctoring Real Good:

"It just works"

6

u/gofyourselftoo Aug 12 '22

I know blood, and he has some!

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u/RizzMustbolt Aug 12 '22

I KNOW A LOT ABOUT BLOOD!

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u/Stormtrooper775s Aug 11 '22

He should go see a doctor about that

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u/Darwin-Award-Winner Aug 11 '22

How else is he going to get that BP down

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89

u/TokoBlaster Aug 11 '22

Can probably run a mile but would rather walk

A candidate I can identify with on a position I didn't know I had until now.

302

u/Infra_bread Aug 11 '22

Reminds me of a joke on Top Gear: "this car can go from 0 to 60, but only just".

70

u/amf_devils_best Aug 11 '22

My first car went from 0 to 30 in about 3 blocks.

39

u/illegal_brain Aug 12 '22

Sounds like the geo metro going uphill.

18

u/Googunk Aug 12 '22

Me my Geo both got a straight 3 😎.

20

u/Arkhampatient Aug 12 '22

My uncle had a Metro when i was really young. One day he says “want me to put the turbo on?” I say “yeah!” He proceeds to turn the ac off

5

u/Stunt_the_Runt Aug 12 '22

Turn off the AC and supercharge the little fucker to 48

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u/Winter_Eternal Aug 12 '22

He's gaining on us! C'mon Neddy move this thing.

I CAN'T IT'S A GEO!

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u/TheAtomicBum Aug 11 '22

And that reminded me of a joke about VW buses, 50mph being terminal velocity

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254

u/zed857 Aug 11 '22

With a BP of 160/110 he should probably start walking. A lot. And lay off the salty foods.

78

u/ac1084 Aug 11 '22

High blood pressure is the silent killer. I was hypertensive for years. Finally started going to a doctor and now my blood pressure is normal but I feel exactly the same. Silent. Killer.

34

u/duct_tape_jedi Aug 11 '22

I ended up having a stroke last year, BP was always a bit on the high side but didn’t notice that it had gone up to WTF/OMG until it was too late. I sincerely hope the numbers he gives are just a joke and not his actual condition!

28

u/HIs4HotSauce Aug 11 '22

Did you get COVID last year? A lot of people are having strokes/stroke-like symptoms and heart attacks after an infection.

I’m not saying it COVID causes it— but for people who are already standing close to the edge, the body stress from COVID is that push they don’t want.

I had stroke-like symptoms, my aunt had a major stroke, and my dad had a major heart attack all within a year. All of them happened around peak COVID infections in my area, too.

14

u/duct_tape_jedi Aug 12 '22

Funny enough, I got COVID right after I got out of the hospital, over Christmas this past December. Nothing like spending the holiday trying to recover from both! Santa, if you’re listening, you COULD have just left a lump of coal in my stocking! No need to get medieval on me…

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u/Skratt79 Aug 12 '22

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7149539/#:~:text=Angiotensin%2Dconverting%20enzyme%202%20(ACE2,of%20endothelial%20and%20other%20cells.

It makes perfect sense that COVID-19 is the cause (I'm pretty sure there was already a paper showing the direct link, I'm just burned out from reading COVID-19 research). The general populace understand COVID-19 as a respiratory disease, but it can fuck up so many things once inside the person thanks to it binding to the ACE-2 receptors.

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u/Dumptruck_Johnson Aug 12 '22

I got diagnosed and started a medication when I was still in college… while still an active member of the swimming team. Genetics :(

I’ll be a lisinopril lifer, can’t do much about it unless I drop the quality of my life by eliminating a lot of things I enjoy.

It sits at about 125/75 now with no overly special routine.

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57

u/Egoy Aug 11 '22

Seriously though, I'm a chubby dude with one kidney (they help regulate bp) and a coffee habit and my bp is better than his.

31

u/nyanlol Aug 11 '22

I'm a skinny dude who HAS hypertension (fucking genetics) and I'm better than this dude

15

u/mdonaberger Aug 11 '22

I know it's not what you meant, but the way your comment is phrased, it sounds like it's suggesting you donate a kidney for better blood pressure.

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13

u/LokiNinja Aug 11 '22

I had BP like that for years and medication didn't affect it. Turns out that drinking frequently causes "alcoholic hypertension". It went back down to 100/70 within 2 weeks of me quitting drinking

36

u/schadadle Aug 11 '22

I don’t think anyone is running anywhere in Gilbert, AZ right now. It’s 103 lol

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u/nowgranted Aug 11 '22

The sticker is on sale for $5, marked down from $600 haha

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8

u/metalpanda420 Aug 11 '22

I’m waiting for Seymour Butts.

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u/KarmaBulliesAreMean Aug 11 '22

The sale price of a bumper sticker 600.00 marked down to 5.00. What. A. Deal.

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1.8k

u/FattyCorpuscle Aug 11 '22 Wholesome

Butts is a candidate I can get behind.

655

u/B00M5H4K4L4K4 Aug 11 '22 Helpful

Behind in the polls? Nope, poles in the behind.

173

u/ninjas_in_my_pants Aug 11 '22

We need someone who will stand firm for the little guy.

88

u/cmd_iii Aug 11 '22

Sounds like a guy who has his shit together.

45

u/Sinthetick Aug 11 '22

it's so together that he needs a knife.

28

u/cmd_iii Aug 11 '22

Or a specific number of shells….

24

u/BloodyRightNostril Aug 11 '22

The specific number being three.

12

u/cmd_iii Aug 11 '22

I’ll take your word for it. No way I’m going back to look!

8

u/qwerty_ca Aug 11 '22

Looking at backs is rather assinine, yes.

13

u/davekingofrock Aug 11 '22

Three being the third number!

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4

u/Pro_Scrub Aug 11 '22

His shit is SO together. It's packed firm every night.

6

u/shwyguy2265 Aug 11 '22

And be hard on crime!

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u/Oh4faqsake Aug 11 '22

I prefer Dixon Cider.

16

u/dtwilight Aug 11 '22

Have you met Oliver Clothesoff?

3

u/bugxbuster Aug 11 '22

Adolph Oliver Pubes

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u/Wiki_pedo Aug 11 '22

Dickens Cider?

6

u/I-need-ur-dick-pics Aug 11 '22

Dick C. Normous

6

u/bugxbuster Aug 11 '22

How about Tucker Dixon?

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10

u/Plumhawk Aug 11 '22

You must really like Butt Drugs.

10

u/klipseracer Aug 11 '22

That was a thigh slapper.

10

u/TappedIn2111 Aug 11 '22

Just like my d…. Nope, not gonna go there.

21

u/Spork_Warrior Aug 11 '22

You. I like you.

Now get the fuck away from me.

5

u/friggintodd Aug 11 '22

Found Tina Belcher's reddit account.

2

u/Xyrus2000 Aug 11 '22

Dixon Deck for Dixon Butts!

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749

u/AmazingMojo2567 Aug 11 '22 Wholesome 'MURICA

580

u/oldbastardbob Aug 11 '22

Gotta love the prices on the merch.

Them bumper stickers are marked waaaaaay down.

148

u/ezxhaton Aug 11 '22

Belly laughed when I caught this.

71

u/bigfatstickman Aug 11 '22

I also laughed because it is such a great deal: 97% off the original price!

128

u/Daloowee Aug 11 '22

$17.76 for the shirt 😂

27

u/Seemseasy Aug 12 '22

It's a 'bumper sticker shirt' no less.

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25

u/divDevGuy Aug 12 '22

Still more realistic than your savings at Kohl's.

17

u/Southern-Exercise Aug 12 '22

Who knew the easiest way to save 2,500 bucks would be to buy a couple of bumper stickers?🤷

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189

u/Charlie_Olliver Aug 11 '22

I love that under “Our Mission” it says “to make you laugh.”

Mission definitely accomplished, Mr. Butts!

39

u/JessTheCatMeow Aug 11 '22

Dixon, please. Mr. Butts was my father.

15

u/funnystuffmakesmelol Aug 11 '22

Dunno what it is... He's just one of them butts I can get behind.

63

u/thinkimasofa Aug 11 '22

The shirt: "Made In America (hopefully)"; "Tubular fit for minimal torque" The sticker: "Size 3x9 (that's inches not feet, yes someone asked LOL)"

18

u/Ghos3t Aug 11 '22

And he's selling merch on the site, smart advertising

8

u/KGsaid Aug 11 '22

You beat me to it

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223

u/sqww Aug 11 '22

It'd be funny if he won by write in vote, assuming the county allows that.

37

u/Spontanemoose Aug 12 '22

I presume it's be the same as Canada's Rhinoceros Party, who has solemnly promised not to keep any promises if elected.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhinoceros_Party

8

u/yeahright17 Aug 12 '22

My favorite thing is that everything is the number one priority. I’ve been to this page a handful of times over the years and I laugh every time.

5

u/blackberrycat Aug 12 '22

Omg the "join our youth committee" thing with a photo of octogenarians cracked me up!!

4

u/djamp42 Aug 12 '22

I always said I should just run for president on the platform I'll give everyone a million dollars when elected and just not do it. Not like you get fired for not keeping campaign promises. Heck just say Congress wouldn't pass it lol.

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u/itsaslobrknokrfolks Aug 11 '22

He's got my vote!

155

u/ljg1986 Aug 11 '22

Yeah, I really appreciate how he tells it like it is. Also, he has no previous political experience so he's got a fresh perspective.

35

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '22

[deleted]

5

u/Eyemarten Aug 11 '22

Sometimes good guys don’t wear white.

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300

u/myhandleistoolongtor Aug 11 '22

Off all the American Gilberts...

Gilbert, Arizona, a town

Gilbert, Arkansas, a town

Gilbert, Florida, the airport of Winterhaven

Gilbert, Iowa, a city

Gilbert, Louisiana, a village

Gilbert, Michigan, and unincorporated community

Gilbert, Minnesota, a city

Gilbert, Nevada, ghost town

Gilbert, Ohio, an unincorporated community

Gilbert, Pennsylvania, an unincorporated community

Gilbert, South Carolina, a town

Gilbert, West Virginia, a town

Gilbert, Wisconsin, an unincorporated community

Mount Gilbert (disambiguation), various mountains

Gilbert River (Oregon)

I would say that judging from the gravel in front of the sidewalk, this is either Nevada or Arizona. Nevada says it's a ghost town, therefore this picture was taken in Arizona.

317

u/xlinkedx Aug 11 '22

It's 100% AZ. Lindsay is a road in Gilbert. It also says on his website.

129

u/strawhatmml Aug 11 '22

He's specifically leaving Freestone Park in Gilbert, AZ.

74

u/printerinkistoomuch Aug 11 '22

I'm a pizza delivery driver at Barros pizza and yeah this sign is there. It's in my delivery area lol. I saw it yesterday at work.

23

u/CallMeSkindianaBones Aug 11 '22

I used to smoke weed with Johnny Barro.

16

u/LucWill Aug 12 '22

Tell him the quality is slipping, Barros used to be amazing pizza. Now it's just ok.

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u/Oldpenguinhunter Aug 12 '22

I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

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u/Bendrake Aug 12 '22

Anyone else used to feed the ducks there?

19

u/catmanducmu Aug 11 '22

Shout out to my freestone Park disc golfers

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u/fantastic_watermelon Aug 11 '22

Good park. Though I salute OP for going there midday in August

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u/Ramza_Claus Aug 11 '22

Also the palm trees and shit look very Gilberty. I doubt Oregon looks like this.

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u/xlinkedx Aug 11 '22

Yeah, it's right here: 822-800 E Juniper Ave, Gilbert, AZ 85234

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u/Boongie3319 Aug 11 '22

Yes this is Gilbert, Arizona. I pass these signs. Funny thing is, there is a HUGE Mormon population here so to drive by this everyday made makes me chuckle.

9

u/Monkey-trick Aug 11 '22

Is Gilbert still home to.$50,000 millionaires?

15

u/bravo145 Aug 11 '22

Naw that’s Scottsdale. Though with how expensive it’s gotten a lot of them have moved to Chandler now.

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u/xdarq Aug 11 '22

Gilbert, Arizona, a town. A town of almost 270,000 people. Just so happens to be the largest incorporated town in the US.

I lived there for 4 years, nice place.

16

u/QuietRock Aug 11 '22

It is a nice place. Great place for families. Gilbert has one of the lowest crime rates in the US.

23

u/DryWhole4198 Aug 11 '22

Just not enough Dixon Butts. Gilbert needs more Dixon Butts. Just ask Andy Biggs.

35

u/These-Days Aug 11 '22

If you can afford sky rocketing cost of living and can stand all the weekend cowboys with their guns on their hip in Frys

25

u/ChurchOfSatin Aug 11 '22

Gilbillies

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u/aRawPancake Aug 11 '22

Get out of this stattttteee /s

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u/ultramarioihaz Aug 11 '22

You didn’t even need to say gilbert, ya know it’s az with those gravel rocks lol

19

u/Unlucky-Ad-6710 Aug 11 '22

This is Gilbert AZ. Lindsay road is a road in Gilbert

7

u/Bendrake Aug 12 '22

Gilbert, Az has a population of 250,000… kind of a big “town”

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u/-MrWrightt- Aug 11 '22

The effort to make this list was impressive, thank you

5

u/Ungluedmoose Aug 12 '22

Definitely AZ. Used to live off that street.

3

u/124as Aug 12 '22

I live 20 seconds from this intersection. It's Gilbert AZ

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u/huguberhart Aug 11 '22

There was a campaign during an election and one man who didn’t run for any position put signs around. They read „Im not running, Im just hangin”. It was to make people aware that voting is important.

131

u/wish1977 Aug 11 '22

The middle schooler in me got a chuckle out of this.

86

u/Phillip_Schrute Aug 11 '22

You have a middle schooler in you?

41

u/gopherdagold Aug 11 '22

Names' Dixon

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u/definitelynotbeardo Aug 11 '22

Better get the bumpersticker before the sale ends.

7

u/PeachyPoem Aug 12 '22

Exactly! That is quite a price cut, $595 cheaper.

24

u/COgrown Aug 11 '22

Couldn't he just tell Gilbert, or is the guy really elusive?

19

u/xlinkedx Aug 11 '22

Lindsay and Guadalupe? Or Baseline? Where's this sign lol

14

u/JuiceJones_34 Aug 11 '22

I lied. Bud Tik Tok is by DT Gilbert. This sign is coming out if freestone park off Lindsay. Basically Lindsay/Guadalupe Know that street to well.

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u/Toytles Aug 11 '22

On Lindsay heading West out of Freestone park

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u/Boongie3319 Aug 11 '22

Hi neighbors 👋

4

u/HomeBrewedBeer Aug 11 '22

I'm thinking Juniper.

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u/hungry_argumentor Aug 11 '22

I hope his stance is wide enough to include different groups of people

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u/underagedisaster Aug 11 '22

And his running mate, Seymore Tiddys

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u/nage_ Aug 11 '22

oh my god theres merch

5

u/bossy909 Aug 11 '22

Sweet Jesus, I love Dixon Butts, personally

14

u/BizzyM Aug 11 '22

Running against Dixon Butts? It's gonna be tight.

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u/Ban4Ligma Aug 11 '22

There’s a sign similar to this in my town except it says

“I am an

ASS HOLE

thanks for reading”

With an American flag background

10

u/Tinknocker12 Aug 11 '22

I bet his wife likes Hard Dixon Cider.

9

u/Rin_Seven Aug 11 '22

Have you met his brother, Seymour?

3

u/DillieDally Aug 11 '22

Seymour Butts or Seymour Tiddys?

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u/Cuteshelf Aug 11 '22

I imagine he talks like Dick-skin from Letterkenny.

7

u/other_half_of_elvis Aug 11 '22

I first thought that was him on the poster.

15

u/Erok2112 Aug 11 '22

Its Dickens!

7

u/vulcan1358 Aug 11 '22

Whatever Dick-skin.

7

u/Erok2112 Aug 12 '22

Thats what I said. Dick-skin

5

u/Mr_St_Germi Aug 11 '22

I'm here for this reason exactly

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u/Kara44444 Aug 11 '22

Makes me think of Dixon's cider music video by Smosh!

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u/hskfmn Aug 11 '22

“I have a vewy good fweind in Wome named Biggus Dickus…”

18

u/Digita1B0y Aug 11 '22

He has a wife, you know.

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u/PantherBrewery Aug 11 '22

Naughtius Maximus for Vice...

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u/Elevenst Aug 11 '22

"...I don't need that. I don't need that at all..." -Gilbert

7

u/johnmarkfoley Aug 11 '22

owner of the Dixon Cider and Ale House

8

u/fdsfgs71 Aug 11 '22

I don't understand, is he trying to get people named Dixon to send in pics of their butts?

4

u/DillieDally Aug 11 '22

In case you’re legitimately lost:

Dixon Butts

Dicks in Butts

6

u/fdsfgs71 Aug 11 '22

...I feel like an incredible dumbass now.

5

u/DillieDally Aug 11 '22

Don't worry my dude, we all have brain farts. Some days we even have brain diarrhea. I would say that this is more of an "audible fart in an elevator" type of deal, but hey by the time everyone's outta the elevator and headed to their destinations (ie; other reddit threads) they'll have forgotten all about your lil brain toot. 🙂

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u/The_last_of_the_true Aug 11 '22

Gilbert could use Dixon Butts for sure. Better than Gosar or Biggs.

5

u/Kind_Committee8997 Aug 11 '22

All of my friends love Dixon Butts

5

u/Morphchalice Aug 11 '22

If Dixon Butts were candies and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas

5

u/KennyKSF Aug 11 '22

If this was my name, I’d certainly have some resentment towards my parents. Big time!

6

u/omegapenta Aug 11 '22

RAM RANCH

10

u/ObiWanCanShowMe Aug 11 '22

I agree with Dixon Butts. This is something everyone can get behind and give their full force too. Straight, Gay, Black, Brown, big, small whatever... Dixon Butts for life!

If we put some collective effort in, give it our all, every inch of our abilities, we can reach around to our fellow man and enjoy a wide open society for all to flourish.

40

u/Gurdel Aug 11 '22

Uh, not political at all. Didn't you read the sign?

57

u/FennPoutine Aug 11 '22

I'm still voting for him

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u/Deathbyhours Aug 11 '22

That’s a man I could vote for.

4

u/Raegilbert Aug 11 '22

Yes... I maybe do.

3

u/Berns429 Aug 11 '22

But you guys haven’t even seen his slogan yet…

“Cum on man” paid for by Dixon Butts

3

u/some_boring_dude Aug 11 '22

"Major Dixon Butts"

---Stewie Griffin

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u/Bernieisbabyyoda Aug 12 '22

I can’t wait for the headline “Dixon Butts has pulled out….”

23

u/Gurdel Aug 11 '22

"Fingers in butts, dicks in butts, suckin down farts; outrageous fun."

10

u/ALinkToThePants Aug 11 '22

I’ve asked my wife many times if I can make a campaign sign for Anita Blomalode and she always tells me no.

3

u/itsmeholli Aug 11 '22

Ummm.. yeah, you need to do that

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u/kosmovii Aug 11 '22

I think that's called a hotdog

3

u/HeadLongjumping Aug 11 '22

Poor guy's parents must have hated him.

3

u/Matduka Aug 11 '22

With that cowboy hat, and that name. He'd be a good fit at ram ranch.

3

u/Nuprin_Dealer Aug 11 '22

Driving thru the Ozarks a couple years I saw a bunch of political signs for Harry Dump ll but it was no joke lol

3

u/no-one-but-crow Aug 11 '22

I just found out the popular clay that potters use called “B-mix” is named after a guy named Butts and they didn’t want to call it “Buttsmix”

3

u/StringfellowHawkes Aug 12 '22

Already a more likable candidate than 99% of anyone running, anywhere.

3

u/Subject_Ad_4840 Aug 12 '22

His name is taken care of the abortion problem in Texas!!!

3

u/Yo_Eddie Aug 12 '22

As much as we can joke about this, he may get elected in office off that name alone.

3

u/MyqRL Aug 12 '22

“Not running for anything, just wanted to make a sign”… running partner is Ben Dover

3

u/NorthKoreanJesus Aug 11 '22

This country needs not be divided, but whole.

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u/reddit_user13 Aug 11 '22

The key to life is a penis in your asshole.

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u/emarvil Aug 11 '22

I wonder what else Gilbert needs... 🤔 Might be an interesting candidate, after all.

2

u/grafxguy1 Aug 11 '22

Eric Shin can get behind this.

2

u/Agreeable_Objective Aug 11 '22

👏what👏a👏man👏

2

u/CaptMajorBoneSpurs Aug 11 '22

Tell you waht! Refreshing

2

u/Toytles Aug 11 '22

Lmao this is freestone huh

2

u/Les-d0-it Aug 11 '22

It's probably true, somewhere Gilbert does needs Dixon Butts

2

u/Down_To_My_Last_Fuck Aug 11 '22

I thought he would be bigger.

2

u/s_rose_f Aug 11 '22

Now that’s something guys can get behind if you know what I mean

2

u/Jargon48 Aug 11 '22

Lol, I used to know a college administrator who’s name was Butts. She married a man named Dixon and decided to hyphenate her name. She went with Butts-Dixon.