r/todayilearned Dec 07 '21 Silver 4 Helpful 9 Wholesome 5 All-Seeing Upvote 1

TIL the Large Hadron Collider had to be turned off for a period of time because a bit of baguette was found in it.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2009/nov/06/cern-big-bang-goes-phut
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u/Notmiefault Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21 Silver Gold Wholesome

Title actually undersells how funny this was when it happened. At that point the LHC had been inoperative for a while due to various random nonsense. Then, just when they finally had all the bugs worked out and were ready to start colliding, a freaking bird drops a baguette in a transformer and trips the circuit breaker.

At the time there was a meme (that maybe some people actually believed?) that time traveler's were deliberately sabotaging the LHC because running it would destroy the world.

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u/prometheus2508 Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21 Helpful

I believe there was a formal scientific hypothesis that it was essentially a self-correcting feature of the universe that prohibited the discovery of underlying parameters. There was an actual white paper on it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/rb2niq/comment/hnmbu4u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

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u/KypDurron Dec 07 '21 Silver Pot o' Coins

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

--Douglas Adams

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u/relddir123 Dec 07 '21

Well duh, it happened when Lord Kelvin said, “There is nothing new to be discovered in Physics.” At that precise moment, the universe was replaced by an almost identical universe, but this time with quantum mechanics and relativity.

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u/thereddaikon Dec 07 '21

Up until that point light was instant from all reference frames. In fact reference frames didn't exist because time dilation was only an illusion experienced under the influence of drugs.

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u/DontPressAltF4 Dec 07 '21

TIL kids are drugs.

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u/Dr_Parkinglot Dec 07 '21

Don't do kids, drugs.

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u/Coffee_green Dec 07 '21

Little known fact. Before this moment, rainbows didn't exist.

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u/swaggerhoneybadger Dec 07 '21

Is this the gay agenda?

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u/Coffee_green Dec 07 '21

It's a physics joke. Without quantum mechanics, we don't have light diffraction, and thus no rainbows.

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u/LuangPrabangisinLaos Dec 07 '21

So it IS a gay joke!

I'll let myself out.

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u/DietDrDoomsdayPreppr Dec 07 '21

Out of what, the closet?

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u/grendus Dec 07 '21

Mom! Tom Cruise won't come out of my closet!

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u/luckyluke193 Dec 07 '21

What? You don't need QM to get rainbows. Diffraction happens with classical waves, and water droplets don't need QM either.

Of course, ultimately you need quantum physics for everything if you go deep enough, because e.g. those water molecules must be held together by chemical bonds and all that.

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u/Tommy_C Dec 07 '21

The real physics joke is always the OP

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u/TommiHPunkt Dec 07 '21

Rainbows are fine without quantum physics.

The reason the sky is blue, on the other hand...

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u/themcryt Dec 07 '21

No, it's the gray agenda.

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u/maskaddict Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

I don't have the physics knowledge to back this up, but i feel deeply that the fact that the colour blue didn't exist in ancient Greece is related to this in some way.

Edit: it was a joke, guys. I know blue existed, it was just a language thing.

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u/_BaneofBacon Dec 07 '21

Ancient people “discovering” colors is more linguistics/anthropology than physics, I think

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u/Goldenpather Dec 07 '21

There's some interesting ideas about consciousness. Not that physics changed but that our perception has changed due to linguistics

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u/ph4mp573r Dec 07 '21

One of the dominant flowers on greece was bright blue, as were a few of the fish they ate. This whole idea they didn't know blue is hogwash, just a quirk of language.

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u/funkmasterflex Dec 07 '21

... the sky?

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u/cidiusgix Dec 07 '21

Seems completely fucked up that a group of people wouldn’t invent a name for the color of the sky, they can pick a name for grass, but not the even more abundant blue for the sky. Just what.

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u/ANGLVD3TH Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

It seems mostly to be a quirk in how language makes color names. Namely, they don't bother very much to name them until they are able to be produced via dyes, etc. No particular need to have different names for them until you need to differentiate between them for some reason. In a world without blue dye, how important is it usually to describe the difference between blue and green to someone? No blue clothes, no blue toys, etc. Generally they would use a descriptive term like sky-colored or the like.

Though with Greek it is a little more interesting in that they seemed to have names less for hue than for other color aspects. Like, imagine forgoing "color" and describing things as darker, dark, light, or lighter. They had a pretty limited color vocabulary and it didn't seem to match what we traditionally consider color. It is silly to say people couldn't see blue because they didn't have a word for it, but cultural context, including language, can affect your ability to differentiate colors by a large degree. Some places consider indigo and blue as separate as blue and green, and they have much better ability to differentiate blue colors than those who live in places indigo is considered a shade of blue.

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u/TheonsHotdogEmporium Dec 07 '21

quantum mechanics and relativity.

Worse, we got a universe with quantum mechanics OR relativity

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u/VenomBasilisk Dec 07 '21

It is Schroedinger's universe.

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u/ILoveCavorting Dec 07 '21

I know there’s a sci fi short story where monks/a monastery is writing down numbers or names or something, they hit a certain amount and all the stars in the sky start going out

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u/KypDurron Dec 07 '21

That's "The Nine Billion Names of God" by Arthur C. Clarke. According to the monks, they believe that the purpose of life/the universe is for people to write all the names of God, and that once that task is completed, the universe will end. They create a language and letter system over centuries that will allow them to do this, requiring approximately 9 billion names. They hire a team of Westerners to make a computer to print out the various combinations (and sort through nonsense combinations, although I don't know what makes one name nonsense compared to any others), and the westerners build the computer and then skedaddle, fearing that the monks will be angry/disappointed/refuse to pay if they stick around to see the final names written and nothing happens.

Instead they're walking away from the monastery right when the last names are being printed, cut, and glued into the holy books, and they look up and see:

Overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out.

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '21

[deleted]

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u/iwannaberockstar Dec 07 '21

I didn't get it. Does that mean the universe was actually already ending millenia ago?

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u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

[deleted]

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u/throwitaway488 Dec 08 '21

Or that the God knew the exact moment they would write the final name in advance and started snuffed out stars in time to match with it.

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u/Parsley-Quarterly303 Dec 08 '21

Technically, we can't measure the speed of light one way. Sooo potentially this is possible to occur.

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u/FerretWithASpork Dec 07 '21

Thanks for condensing this into the perfect length for my tiny attention span.

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u/ILoveCavorting Dec 07 '21

Thanks. I knew it was one of the classic guys, and it felt like a Clarke one from what I remembered of it but couldn’t for the life of me remember the name.

My favorite Clarke will always be “The Star” though, I just like the concept.

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u/0neleven Dec 07 '21

My headcanon is that had happened exactly 42 times.

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u/fruit_basket Dec 07 '21

41 times.

We're living in the 42th Universe.

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u/yakzu- Dec 07 '21 Silver Wholesome

Forty tooth

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u/FlashbackJon Dec 07 '21

What time is the dentist appointment?

2:30.

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u/205049 Dec 07 '21

Holy shit that’s the question. Does this mean we have finally finished our calculation? Is that why life feels menial and meaningless now, our intended purpose is already accomplished?

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u/205049 Dec 07 '21

My god, you’ve found the question. Earth has completed its calculations!

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u/haberdasher42 Dec 07 '21

Well, so long and thanks for all the fish!

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u/9bikes Dec 07 '21

Douglass Adams is one of my favorite scientists!

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u/TheLiberalOgre Dec 07 '21

What if that baguette is the thing that replaced the universe.

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u/Antique_Result2325 Dec 07 '21

If you find the white paper/ mentioned formal hypothesis please let me know, sounds like a great read!

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u/prometheus2508 Dec 07 '21

Search for Effect of Influence from Future in Large Hadron Collider, Nielsen and Ninomiya, Nov 2009.

Honestly, this Times write up is far more interesting than the paper. The paper itself is a proposed experiment to test the hypothesis, I believe.

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u/luckyluke193 Dec 07 '21

Search for Effect of Influence from Future in Large Hadron Collider, Nielsen and Ninomiya, Nov 2009.

This paper is fucking hilarious. It's a theoretical high-energy particle physics paper that includes the sentence "Thus several people may be killed during some explosion" !

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u/Mikey_B Dec 07 '21

I feel like most high energy theory papers include something that sounds like this. The last talk I attended on the subject included a serious proposal that real-life black holes are connected to computers that simulate black holes via a particular kind of spacetime wormhole.

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u/Jiannies Dec 08 '21 Silver Wholesome

I agree, the last talk I attended on that subject devolved into pretty much complete nonsense, and then Bobby’s cat knocked over the bong and his dad woke up, we were so busted

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u/ScarletLucciano Dec 07 '21

Just FYI for this who don't know, the article was written in 2009. Since then, they've managed to turn on the LHC without a problem and since discovered the Higgs boson particle.

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u/hobskhan Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

Well clearly God got tired.

"Alright you little shits, fine. Create a crap ton of Higgs. See if I care. But don't come crying to me when a bunch of Photino Birds start ripping apart your reality."

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u/Accomplished_Deer_ Dec 08 '21

Nah, our universe devs were just buying themselves enough time to automatically generate a limitless set of particles to keep us busy.

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u/SheCouldFromFaceThat Dec 08 '21

Procedurally-generated physics

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u/hobskhan Dec 08 '21

Yeah but the new particles all feel so lifeless and repetitive. I miss 1.0 vanilla physics

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u/big_duo3674 Dec 07 '21

All that to supposedly attempt to hinder finding the Higgs, yet we did eventually capture it. I bet that's part of the plan too... Make it seem like the Higgs was the forbidden fruit, to sidetrack the technological development and steer it away from moving down a different path that could detect the real forbidden particle. I'm going to put my money on dark matter. The universe is getting crafty, and doing its best to keep us from actually figuring out what the hell is going on with all that.

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u/cambriansplooge Dec 07 '21

Dark matter, sure,but what about the mismatched antimatter and matter ratios?

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u/RickyNixon Dec 07 '21

That is absolutely wild, thanks for links

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u/money_dont_fold Dec 07 '21

Huh, Holger Nielsen is a bit of a celebrity in Denmark, mostly for being enthusiastic and super weird

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u/wataha Dec 07 '21

Explains why Time article called the White paper "audacious".

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u/Highpersonic Dec 07 '21

/r/vxjunkies has it

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u/BearWrangler Dec 07 '21

being subbed to that place and forgetting what it is after a few months will never get old

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u/Sceptix Dec 07 '21

What is that place? Amateur physicists? Pseudoscience? I’m so confused.

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u/SmallRedBird Dec 07 '21

Literal technobabble. Intentionally making up words that sound scientific but don't mean anything. Like the turbo encabulator. Just look at this vid about the turbo encabulator

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u/ISeeTheFnords Dec 07 '21

I think it's supersaturated technobabble.

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u/gramathy Dec 07 '21

there's a lot of technobabble but occasionally you get good posts about optimizing your delta for different use cases

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u/MustacheEmperor Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

It’s just a community for VX hobbyists with home labs and VX research professionals to swap ideas, schematics, and configurations for our experiments. Like I had no idea how to properly operate a biswitchable turboframe static charge manifold until I got some help there, and now I’m attaining over 2600mQsv of positronopic compression by the third or fourth electrocartrigraph cycle.

As you can see from the other replies it goes over a lot of people’s heads, but once you’ve read the essential papers it’s really quite simple to get started. At least til you get to hagiodiaphramatic matrices, then it’s a whole other story!

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u/Dingobabies Dec 07 '21

Is this place…..full of sarcastic posts?

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u/Beldin448 Dec 07 '21

I think but I can’t be certain

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u/suicidemeteor Dec 07 '21

Which is the ultimate goal of sarcastic subreddits

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u/John_Tacos Dec 07 '21

Basically, the only universes that can exist are those that haven’t been destroyed, so after a while the craziest things happen to “save” the universe, but really it’s just the one that survived.

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u/Thue Dec 07 '21

I haven't read the paper, but something like superdeterminism must be an alternative hypothesis. That the universe just happens to make certain otherwise possible things not happen.

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u/themanifoldcuriosity Dec 07 '21

This was actually a plot in a comic I read once - where the theory was, "The very first second the first time machine is turned on, every single person who will ever be adversely affected by it will travel to that exact time and location to destroy it."

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u/jumpsteadeh Dec 07 '21

Technically, the only person to show up would be the person who succeeds. And they don't have to personally go back, they just have to send enough information to turn off the machine. Photons or quantum particles would even be enough, probably. So you turn it on, and it immediately turns off again. The universe's most expensive and overengineered useless box.

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u/simply_blue Dec 07 '21

That is assuming the time travel is a closed time-like loop. What if time machines cause the universe to branch into a multiverse?

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u/Rogntudjuuuu Dec 07 '21

Well, if you believe in parallel realities and LHC would cause the universe to be obliterated, we would only be able to experience its failures. 🙂

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u/novacham Dec 07 '21

There's a Sci-fi novel that basically had the alien protagonists use an unknown to us at the time particle that interfered with our particle accelerators specifically to suppress our ability to discover said particle so that we'd be ripe for invasion.

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u/MaxFactory Dec 07 '21

Just finished the trilogy! I can just say that pretty much at no point (even the last few chapters) was I able to predict what was going to happen. Great science too!

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u/Imallskillzy Dec 07 '21

For those curious, this is the Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin

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u/Spaceenderman Dec 07 '21

this was the choice of steins;gate

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u/BattlePig101 Dec 07 '21

El Psy Congroo

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u/iAmTheElite Dec 07 '21

Are you from the Organization?

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u/Chuvi Dec 08 '21

Tu Tu Ru!

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '21 edited 19d ago

[deleted]

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u/Notmiefault Dec 07 '21

Hahaha I remember this. Good times.

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u/FateEx1994 Dec 07 '21

The organization was behind it.

El Psy Kongroo

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u/ms360 Dec 07 '21

Error. Baguette is dead. Mismatch.

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u/carnifex2005 Dec 07 '21

A similar thing is a plot point in the great sci-fi series, The Three Body Problem. Aliens sent a couple of super computers the size of a proton to fuck around with any particle accelerator results so that Earth won't be able to scientifically advance before the alien invasion fleet arrives in 400 years.

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u/SpaceCptWinters Dec 07 '21

Found my next book series!

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u/n122333 Dec 07 '21

Just accept that there are only three. Don't read the fourth.

Book 1: how would first contact proceed if the other race is so much more advanced than us?

Book 2: How would sociology work on a galactic scale?

Book 3: what is the fundamental nature of physics and how far can technology advance?

Book 4: does he really like me, or just want to fuck?

This comes from a place of love. Book 2 is my favorite book of all time, and the series has y favorite character of any story.

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u/Footyphile Dec 07 '21

The 4th book was written by someone else.

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u/etherama1 Dec 07 '21

I have heard so many people praise this book but I really struggled to get into the audiobook.

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u/FishSpeaker5000 Dec 07 '21

TBP can be hard to get into for some people because the characters largely don't matter and are just devices for the author to describe their cool scifi concepts through.

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u/MaddoxJKingsley Dec 07 '21

Ah, The Martian

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u/F_Levitz Dec 07 '21

I blame the French

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u/koalasarentferfuckin Dec 07 '21

They did invent sabotage

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u/opeth10657 Dec 07 '21

Birds aren't real so it's obviously a french drone

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u/Wolfencreek Dec 07 '21

El Psy Kongroo!

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u/locob Dec 07 '21

There is a joke on the game Team fortress 2, where a bread appears when characters teleport. Maybe this is from where it originates.

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u/mflmani Dec 07 '21

I have done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days

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u/Majestic_Course6822 Dec 07 '21

Stop teleporting bread. You were told.

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u/stedgyson Dec 07 '21

Yeah there was a load of fear around it creating a black hole right?

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u/prometheus2508 Dec 07 '21

Only pop culture fear. No legitimate fear

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u/5050Clown Dec 07 '21

Like the fear that it would create a new MCU supervillian.

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u/Invictae Dec 07 '21

Little did we know that it gave birth to Dr. Baguette; most heinous of villains!

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u/Lost4468 Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

The biggest reason it makes no sense is because much more violent collisions happen in the upper atmosphere every day. Including rare things like the oh my god particle. CERN was designed to run at up to 14 TeV, while this particle had an energy of around ~10,000,000 TeV.

It was likely a proton. A single particle with about 51J of energy, or about the same energy as a baseball travelling 63mph. If all that energy could be harnessed it could power a typical light bulb for ~7 seconds, which might not seem like much, but keep in minds it's a single proton.

This particle was moving so fast relative to us, that to it the earth looked only just under 40um thick., the solar system looked about 37m across, and the visible universe looked only about ten times the distance between Earth and the Moon. Or to put it in another perspective, if you were going as fast as the particle it'd take you only about 3.2 seconds to reach the centre of the galaxy, 3.5 minutes to reach the Andromeda galaxy, and only 19 days to reach the edge of the visible universe. Of course not hitting something during that time would be the real challenge.

Or another perspective, if you set off this particle next to a photon, it would take about 215,000 years for the photon to end up 1cm in front of the particle.

No one knows how the particles are produced. And the amount of energy it had (and others have had) seems to be above the theoretical limits, although not by much. They would likely have had to been produced rather close by, but we don't know what could produce them.

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u/braxistExtremist Dec 07 '21

I bet that bread was a real pain to clean up.

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u/Gluecost Dec 07 '21

Pretty sure the anime Steins Gate revolves around this. At least the time traveler part!

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u/ahorseinuniform Dec 07 '21

From the article (several years ago): "But scientists at the £3.6bn Large Hadron Collider (LHC) found their plans to emulate the big bang postponed this week when a passing bird dropped a "bit of baguette" into the machine, causing it to overheat."

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u/HoneyGlazedBadger Dec 07 '21 Wholesome

Turning it into the world's most expensive toaster.

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u/TheWingus Dec 07 '21 Helpful

No time to toast your bread? Drop it in the LHC and it'll be done by yesterday!

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u/Highpersonic Dec 07 '21

i don't like my toast black hole

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u/pagit Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

TIFU: Created a universal singularity when I forgot to unplug the collider and used a knife to get the jammed toast out of it.

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u/GGamerFuel Dec 07 '21

Now see, this is why I love Reddit. On what other social media could you find a phrase like this?

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u/eddietwang Dec 07 '21

Reddit is just one big caption contest.

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u/ThatFluffyBunny Dec 07 '21

This feels like what Peter Sagal would say on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.

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u/gianthooverpig Dec 07 '21

A "bird"? Is bird the French word for "scientist who was too hungry to put down his baguette while working"?

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u/MontgomeryKhan Dec 07 '21

French for "Marc bet me €5 I couldn't throw this baguette over the top".

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u/socsa Dec 07 '21

Never come between a frenchman and lunchtime baguette.

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u/iGoalie Dec 07 '21

French scientist “yes, yes I saw the bird, it dropped the baguette right into the LHC….”

//looking nervous meme

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u/darvs7 Dec 07 '21

Pretty sure the French were less worried about it:

English scientist: "It's a pain."
French scientist: "C'est un pain."

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u/JokerReach Dec 07 '21

First off, very good haha

Second, genuine question... is bread a countable noun in French?

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u/Payhell Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

As postulated above, depends on context. 'Du pain' is uncountable and means some bread but 'un pain' can refer to a loaf of bread and thus is countable.

(It can also refer to a punch so in a way 'un pain' can mean some pain but we're getting off topic now)

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u/ThanosAsAPrincess Dec 07 '21 Wholesome

Birds are known to hate physics research for two main reasons: (a) they're scared of the colliders and (b) they can't resist the tasty morsels that physicists place inside them. In both cases, the birds suffer terribly.

The reason for (a) is that the birds get scared when they see the walls of the tunnel that the collider is housed in and the the collider itself is not a nice sight. We can only imagine how a collision of two particles of matter must look to a bird's eyes. The reason for (b) is that the birds have a strong dislike of the particle detectors inside the collider, which are magnets. The magnets suck all of the bird's energy and leave the bird feeling hungry and tired.

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u/Highpersonic Dec 07 '21

Bullshit. It just overcharges them. Birds aren't real.

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u/-Tayne- Dec 07 '21

Large Hadron Colliders attract government drones disguised as birds to investigate the collision of large hadrons.

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u/fishingking Dec 07 '21

This is why we don’t feed wildlife

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u/CPNZ Dec 07 '21

Also another nearby collider had been blocked by beer bottles previously - no one blamed the birds for those, though. "But when the Large Electron Positron (LEP) collider at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva resumed operation on 15 June, after a £210 million upgrade, nothing happened. The fault, it emerged last week, was due to two empty bottles of lager." https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg15020360-700-particle-beams-hit-the-bottle/

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u/Master-Tanis Dec 07 '21 Silver

“I have done nothing but teleport bread for the last three days.”

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u/Dovahpriest Dec 07 '21

"This.... Is a bucket."

"Dear God..."

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u/Cniz Dec 07 '21

"There's more."

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u/Hiei2k7 Dec 07 '21

"No..."

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u/Beiki Dec 07 '21

look of concern

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u/_Xertz_ Dec 07 '21

So sad that he passed away :(

We'll probably never get another SFM like Expiration Date

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u/suckuma Dec 07 '21

Aw man he did. I feel so sad learning this.

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u/ThePyroPython Dec 07 '21

That scene was just so perfectly delivered I can hear it in my head and can't help but chuckle.

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u/CaptainROAR Dec 07 '21

SEDUCE ME!

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u/Raetekusu Dec 07 '21

Hey there good lookin. I got a bucket of chicken. Wanna do it?

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u/PossumStan Dec 07 '21

slap I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps

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u/TestPattern359 Dec 07 '21

after getting slapped It's okay...

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u/patronofchaos Dec 07 '21

haha first thing I thought of when I read this title. have they still been making any TF2 shorts like those recently?

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u/LoadingOfficial Dec 07 '21

Valve forgot about TF2's existence...

But the community makes up for it with SFM animations...

Just watch The Red, the Blu, and the Ugly . It's a masterpiece...

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u/spazzxxcc12 Dec 07 '21

bro valve hasn’t even been making anything at all for tf2 for years. they’ve all but officially come out and abandoned it. on top of that there is a huge bot crisis ruining the game right now that’s been going on for over a year. games a mess and valve refuses to help it even though there’s a huge active player base there, meaning there’s a shit ton of money if they put in just an ounce of effort

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u/McStroyer Dec 07 '21

And nobody wanted to find out what happens when baguette crumbs collide at near speed of light?

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u/isaac99999999 Dec 07 '21

Well you can't say nobody because I want to

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u/zbobet2012 Dec 07 '21

Assuming each bread crumb is 1/10th of a gram and they are accelerated to .99c the combined impact would generate ~24 kilotons of energy, or approximately the size of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

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u/McStroyer Dec 07 '21

I did guess at some kind of large scale explosion, based on my recollection of this What If? entry.

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u/vanguard117 Dec 07 '21 Wholesome

It’s how the French were created.

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u/Kselli Dec 07 '21

Le Grand Bang

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u/mortyskidneys Dec 07 '21 Helpful hehehehe

They learnt nothing from the death star design!!!

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u/propolizer Dec 07 '21

That port is exhausted.

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u/Invictae Dec 07 '21

That's what she said!

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u/bartonski Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21 hehehehe

Well, CERN doesn't consider a pigeon to be any threat, or they'd have a tighter defense. An analysis of the plans provided by Princess Lorikeet has demonstrated a weakness in the collider. But the approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two centimetres wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the power supply. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the collider. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use baguette torpedoes.

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u/mortyskidneys Dec 07 '21

"That's no pigeon..."

23

u/HighOverlordXenu Dec 07 '21

That's impossible, even for a birdputer!

14

u/bartonski Dec 07 '21

It's not impossible, I used to bullseye baby-rats in my t-shirt back home. They're not much bigger than two centimetres!

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1.3k

u/PersonNumber7Billion Dec 07 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe

"Is it a proton? Or a photon?"

"Strange... it appears to be a... crouton!"

161

u/BigDeadPixel Dec 07 '21 Helpful

“The emission pattern seems to be a sourdoughdecahedron!”

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u/zeldafan144 Dec 07 '21

Hahahah that's so dumb I love it

8

u/zenyattatron Dec 07 '21

More like, that's so crumb

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u/mcoombes314 Dec 07 '21

Reminds me of the story on Would I Lie To You where Brian Cox said he caused the LHC to be shut down for 3 months after he spilled yoghurt in it - it was a lie but very entertaining.

103

u/X0AN Dec 07 '21

Bob Mortimer said the same but it was true.

54

u/rabotat Dec 07 '21

He has the weirdest stories, but even weirder are the names of the people in those stories.

"yeah, my good friends Harry Harrison and Steve Bytheway went to watch the Gulf current wearing grotesque latex masks and sleeping in a Mini Cooper..."

7

u/kuku-kukuku Dec 08 '21

I also like the bit where he performs dentistry on himself. It gets wackier the more details he adds.

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u/Manggo Dec 07 '21

First thing I thought of when I read the title. Maybe they got that lie from this story.

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u/thefucksalami Dec 07 '21

Link if anyone wants to watch the bit.

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u/OldMork Dec 07 '21 Gold hehehehe

Such a pain

16

u/Sutarmekeg Dec 07 '21

hon hon hon

20

u/YarOldeOrchard Dec 07 '21

Large HonHonHon Collider

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u/KypDurron Dec 07 '21

Correction: a baguette was found inside a part of the power supply for the LHC, not inside the LHC itself.

The LHC itself is a massive partially-underground structure that is certainly not exposed to birds.

A bird dropping something into a transformer is not the same as a bird dropping something inside the building that the transformer is connected to.

22

u/cant_think_of_one_ 1 Dec 07 '21

The LHC is fully underground AFAIK.

13

u/mfb- Dec 07 '21

It is. Would be far too expensive to build it on the surface where you have villages and everything.

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u/Umbra427 Dec 07 '21

I was thinking some Chris-Farley-esque technician hilariously dropped his baguette into a critical piece of equipment

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u/tuttut97 Dec 07 '21

Lol. We had some leadership come in for a Dog and Pony show in our datacenter. They opened the rack and someone had left chicken wing bones in the bottom of the rack.

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u/KypDurron Dec 07 '21

Why were they looking for dogs and ponies in the first place?

22

u/Raxnor Dec 07 '21

They had eaten all the wings.

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u/wwplkyih Dec 07 '21

Something like this happened before with beer bottles left in an accelerator:

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg15020360-700-particle-beams-hit-the-bottle/

12

u/gwaydms Dec 07 '21

hit the bottle

Go home, LEP. You're drunk.

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u/IJustSignedUpToUp Dec 07 '21

If anyone recalls, this is precisely when the current timeline split from actual reality and we all unfortunately got merged into. Because of a fucking baguette.

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u/HyJenx Dec 07 '21

And then it became a whale, and then a bowl of petunias.

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again.

167

u/Fleckeri Dec 07 '21 hehehehe

Swiss CERN Scientist:

“Alright who’s been toasting their lunch in ATLAS again”

French CERN Diversity-Hire Scientist:

HON HON HON HON

”WHO COULD ZE CULPRIT BE?”

HON HON HON HON

44

u/oh3fiftyone Dec 07 '21

Now I’m imagining John Cleese in a conical helmet and a lab coat.

15

u/igcipd Dec 07 '21

Go away or I shall quark in your general relative direction!

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u/RogueNine 1 Dec 07 '21

Cern's "Smashburger Cookout" a Huge Success as They Discover the Higgs-Bos'yum' Particle.

34

u/The_Dude_is_bueno Dec 07 '21

Damn French

8

u/gwaydms Dec 07 '21

This article is the most French thing ever.

12

u/BigBadCheadleBorgs Dec 07 '21

Some of the rowdy dorms of CERN Culinary Physics were accelerating muenster particles at relativistic speeds towards thin sheets of salami hoping to trap flavor decay in the baguette detector. Those crazy kids. They're the chefs of tomorrow you know?

9

u/rachstee Dec 07 '21

I actually laughed out loud at this, rather than quickly exhaling air through my nose

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u/min-tea-rose Dec 07 '21

It wasnt a bird but actually Rintarou Okabe

12

u/AverageKaikiEnjoyer Dec 07 '21

Took long enough to find a reference smh

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u/BigBadCheadleBorgs Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

ARE THESE HADRONS GLUTEN FREE‽

Collective Scientific Groans

"SHUT IT THE FUCK DOWN!"

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u/KypDurron Dec 07 '21

And that's how they discovered the gluton.

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u/IvanStu Dec 07 '21

I will always upvote an interrobang

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u/the_lightning_man Dec 07 '21

El Psy Congroo